There are ogres in Maine. My daughter Lucy and I were there for a speaking engagement in Portland. We spent some free time visiting the lighthouse, and Lucy paused to photograph some plants she saw along our path. (She is her mother's daughter!) Then, a crabby ogre emerged up over the cliff. Her vile breath slapped us in the face as she bellowed through rotten teeth, "That's GARLIC MUSTARD. It's a TERRIBLE weed!" And just like that, she disappeared from view, apparently returning to the dank cave she calls home. Okay, it wasn't an ogre. And she didn't have bad breath or …
Horses vs. Hummingbirds: The Winner Is…
One of the main reasons I wrote the book Must Be Nice is because I compare myself to other people all the time. Social media exacerbates this, but honestly, I don't need anybody's help. I compare myself to other speakers, other artists, and authors. Both dead and alive. I compare myself and my house and my yard and my patio furniture to my neighbors. I compare myself to the people I went to high school with that I see posting on Facebook. I compare myself to other guys who can build things and fix things and fight things better than me. I compare myself to people older …
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Balderdash!
"I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable." –Demetri Martin The early explorers who came back with stories from Yellowstone were written off as crazy people. Surely a loose screw, an overindulgence on booze, or insanity caused by being alone for too long was easier to believe than the tall tales that returned. Upside down waterfalls? Boiling rivers? Bubbling mud? Twenty foot beasts? Please. Well, if you've never seen a geyser, hydrothermal activity, or …
The Only Self-Help Advice You’ll Ever Need
I don't know why we keep publishing self-help books. Myself included. I recently binged a podcast that shared a series of remarkable stories of people who had overcome extreme obstacles to accomplish amazing things. The particulars of each story couldn't have been more different: An athlete on the way to the NFL who became paralyzed. A woman who had both feet amputated. A guy who got busted for drugs and sentenced to 65 years in prison. Different races, different genders, different backgrounds, different challenges. But if you pay attention, the advice they give is the …
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Adultitis is Running Out the Clock on You
In the early days of basketball, before there was a shot clock, a team winning 2-0 could technically hold the ball and keep it away from the other team until the end of the game. It would have been a very boring game, which is why the shot clock was invented, requiring each team to shoot the ball within a certain period of time or lose possession. Still, to this day, the team in the lead near the end of the game often adopts the strategy of using up as much time as possible on the other team. The less time on the clock, the less time the other team has to score. Adultitis utilizes a …
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The Surprising Benefit of Wearing Bowling Shoes Every Single Day
My family went bowling recently. One of the peculiar aspects of bowling is the funny shoes they give you to wear.The shoes at the place we went to were half neon orange and half neon yellow. Mine even had a white velcro strap. Classy. Now there are legitimate reasons they want us wearing their shoes, besides keeping the lanes clean and pristine (which I will now speak authoritatively about, after a quick Google search): First of all, the soles are super slick, which helps you slide, allowing you to achieve a smoother motion when bowling. If you're sticking to the floor, you can injure …
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The Power of Positive Replacement
Make love, not war. Those hippies were on to something. No one likes war. Although "free love" turns out to not have been the best option, we do have to replace it with something. If I tell you to stop thinking about a pink elephant on roller skates, what are you thinking about? No matter what you do, DO NOT think about a pink elephant on roller skates. Just stop. But what if I told you to imagine a blue horse with spots of silver glitter galloping on top of a rainbow? It's not enough to eliminate war, we need to replace it with something else. It's not enough to eliminate a …
48 Things I’ve Learned in 48 Years
Well, today is the day. The cultural event where millions of people are unified in celebration of what many have called the biggest secular holiday in the United States, and possibly the world. Of course, I'm referring to my birthday. I'm not sure how I'll mark the occasion, but perhaps there will be something interesting to watch on TV? 🏈 #SuperbOwl It's true; as of today, I am 48 years old. Is that old? It feels kinda old, but still a few years shy of fifty, so that's something. I do relate to Margaret Atwood who believed, "Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas …
How to Turn the Tide Against Adultitis
Your team is in bad shape. Here you are in the playoffs, and you're losing. Even though you're somehow only down by six points, nothing is going right. You were flying high earlier in the game, leading by two scores. Everything was clicking. And then... A turnover and two huge penalties gave your opponent some easy scores. None of the plays you're calling are working. Your best running back got injured and is out for the game. Your players are growing more discouraged as each second melts off the clock. Now the other team has the ball and they're driving down the field. If they score a …
Be Open to Something Better
I recently came across this in my photo stream. Part photo, part iPad drawing, it's my original vision of the art studio I wanted to build as an addition to our home. This was exactly what I wanted; a little extra light-filled space added on to the home office already there. If I could have snapped my fingers and made it instantly materialize exactly like this, I would have been thrilled. What I ended up with looks almost nothing like this. So...does that make it a disappointment? Heck no! Here's how my studio addition turned out: It's a reminder to me that, as the poet Elizabeth …