* HOME *
R O L L I N G * S T O M E

Jason strums an out-of-tune chord on his guitar. “I don't like onions.”

“That sounded awful,” Kim says.

“Just like onions,” Jason answers.

“Baa baa ta baa,” Dougie says.

“Dougie doesn't like onions, either, because I told him not to,” Jason says. “But he liked what I played.”

What does the band think of Eminem?

“I love M & M's,” Kim says. “They melt in your mouth and not in your hands. Except if you don't eat 'em right away.”

“I like the peanut ones,” Jason says. “Dougie isn't allowed to eat them because they make his diaper all messy.” Jason goes on to say that he overheard his mom telling his dad that if he kept giving Dougie peanut M & M’s he’d have to change diapers for a week. While the couple was discussing that, the band got an extra half-hour of practice time before bed.

The band was happy to be featured on VH1’s “Behind the Music.” And they confirmed rumors that Nickelodeon might film a movie about them. They’re undecided about the cast.

“I'd prob'ly just play myself,” Jason says. “But if me and the executives get in a big disagreement about it, I'd want Russell Crowe to play me. Or Ben Affleck.

“I'd like Cinderella to play me,” Kim says.

“Gaa goo ba plpgh,” Dougie says.

“Dougie says, 'Arnold Schwarzeneggar,” Jason says.

The band knocked the socks off their audience on their first tour – except for G.I. Jim’s, because his are painted on.

“Normally we just practice our songs,” Jason says, adding there’s no secret to their excellence. ”I don't like to practice that long, because it gets old after awhile, you know? I'm just like, ‘let's get on with the show.’”

“Yeah,” Kim says. “Let's get the show on the road! I mean the driveway.”

Jason, starting to get a bit hyper for his mid-day fudgesickle, gets up to start packing their tour bus, a red, semi-rusted wagon with a black handle.

“We pretend it's a tour bus,” he says. “Then we get on our concert clothes – Kim wears a feather boa – and set up our equipment. For our stage, we play on the driveway and have the audience sit on the grass.”

“I usually do the sound check,” Kim says. “Like I'll say, ‘Check one. Check one. Check one, two three. Che—“

Jason interrupts. “Yeah Kim, they know what a sound check is. Where’s Dougie?” The diminutive second coming of Lionel Hampton has wandered off. A few moments later, he comes running, half-stumbling, around a from behind a bush.

You can hardly blame the kid for hiding these days, what with the swarm of fans following him around. Then there are the photographers from Gerber and Baby magazine. Still, he’s undeterred.

“Dougie always goes out in public,” Kim says. “I always have to go out and find him before the show.”

“My Mom says we have to keep a good eye on him because she doesn't want him eating dirt again,” Jason says.

Stinky, who has been monitoring the interview, now turns to address us. “I assure you his dirt consumption is a previous addiction that has been treated and is under complete control.”

The band isn’t sure if a second tour is in the works. If there is one, it’s likely to stay close to home, where their sponsors are.

“If I break a drum stick, I just go out in the back yard because there's lots of trees back there,” Kim says. “I can usually find a good stick on the ground there.”

“I'd like to be on a Wheaties box someday, and have them sponsor our tour,” Jason says. He adds that they’d like to bolster their light show.

“We're working on that. What I'd like to see is some laser lights and some cool fireworks; not the kind my Dad buys, but the kind that you see on the 4th of July. I think there should be fire that shoots out of the stage, too. But we can't have any of that stuff right now, because my Mom won't let me play with matches.”

Kim shakes her head. “What a rip.”

Stinky interjects, waving his forepaws. “Okay, that's all for now. My clients have a lot to do. Thanks for the coverage. I trust you will portray the band in a positive light. I have lawyers, you know.”

They’ll need them once the record companies come calling. RS

< Back