My family recently passed a fairly sad anniversary: My ex-wife, Cindi, and mother to my 11 y.o. son, Tristan, passed away three years ago due to complications of drugs+alcohol abuse. There were tears and questions from Tristan about what he missed by not having her around for him, and also: what could have been if she would have gotten better. My wife and Tristan’s step-mom, Melissa, and I have talked with him about what happened to his mom, the choices we make in life, that all choices have results or consequences. But, we can’t sit still and expect life to be lived for us. We have to go forward and live and do our best. We’ve taken the time each year to do something special for Tristan to remember the good things and the happier times with her on his mom’s birthday, not on the actual day of her passing, to help him with memories and feelings.

In the end, Tristan raised the questions about why his mom didn’t make smarter choices about life and habits, and also making the best decisions in life as he gets older – what if he makes the wrong decisions, what if this, what if that, what if… we reminded him of the lesson from ‘Tuck Everlasting’: don’t ever be afraid of death… rather: be afraid of the life never lived.’ There are always reminders that there is love and hope and light in life. Some days, they’re just a little harder to find than others.

Your article also reminded me of George McFly in Back to the Future. At the beginning of the movie, he’s a rather wussy dad with no backbone, too scared to take any risks, and the lack of risks is taking a toll on the family. When Marty goes back to 1944 when his dad was in high school, he sees George writing stories in the cafeteria, but when Marty asks to see them, George is too scared to show them to anyone. “What if you don’t like them? I don’t think I could handle the rejection.” George is also so scared of Biff, the not-so-friendly neighborhood bully, that he regularly gives in to Biff’s insane demands, to the point of doing all Biff’s homework for him. Marty helps George to gain a backbone and overcome his fears, and in the alternate 1985 that results, George is a successful author, and the family is much better off. Oh, and Biff regularly washes their car for them.