The way we do school in this country is one big #notarule.

In a story that seems ripped from the pages of The Onion, a middle school in Port Washington, New York has banned tag and cartwheels and balls of all sorts in order to cut down on injuries to children during recess.

Yet another example of adults ruining everything.

And we are one step closer to living in a society where we all wear Nerf clothing and drive on streets paved in Nerf in our Nerf-covered cars to our Nerf-wrapped places of employment.

Kind of makes me want to invest in Nerf stock.

Back in the day, if you didn’t accidentally cut yourself on some sort or metal-edged toy before 9:00 in the morning, you weren’t doing childhood right.

And now dodge ball is demonized, Red Rover has been neutered, and it’s illegal to throw a football around at recess. How long before recess itself is banned?

It’s easy to point fingers at the school officials. The main reason they’ve concocted this ridiculous new policy is most likely to avoid lawsuits. Which is a legitimate concern in our sue-happy society. If I may state the obvious, however, the idiots who sue people for stupid things AND the policymakers who try to stay one step ahead of them are both demopgraphic groups made entirely of adults.

There are plenty of fingers to go around, but they all point to one problem: grown-ups.

It’s a crystal clear indicator that Adultitis is winning the war. Make no mistake: we will continue fighting the good fight. I’m not advocating giving kids bags o’ glass for Christmas, but then again, I’m not sure which extreme is more terrifying.

Instead of turning into a society of wimps living painfully boring stories, let’s keep in mind that life is a contact sport, and no one gets out alive.

No matter how much Nerf you’re wearing.

What do YOU think about the decision to ban balls, tag, and cartwheels at recess?

The hot debate in school districts around the country is whether to “Halloween” or not. When I was in school 30 years ago, every class had a Halloween party and the younger kids got to dress up and partake in a Halloween parade throughout the school, which was a super fun treat for everyone. One teacher even had the unique tradition of making homemade donuts in class, complete with sprinkles. It was an awesome time of year. Fun for the sake of fun!

Halloween was not so fun for me, though. To be honest, the stress and anxiety started each year about October 1st when the costumes started popping up in the stores and pictures of jack-o-lanterns started donning windows. These outwards signs of the inevitable holiday filled me with dread and sadness. October 31st would soon be here. Not again!

Right around when I was six, my parents decided that Halloween was not something our family would celebrate anymore. Up to this point, we had taken part in the usual traditions (trick-or-treating, handing out candy, decorating pumpkins). My older sisters spent their childhood years doing these things. My only memory of trick-or-treating was when I was in kindergarten and I thought it was the coolest concept in the entire world. Holy buckets (of candy)! My mom had made me a homemade costume of a cat and I loved it. She even drew whiskers on my face with eyeliner!

My parents had started watching a TV program that was strongly discouraging the practices of Halloween. Coming from a strong Christian foundation, my parents had an eye-opening experience that brought them to the conclusion that Halloween was not something they wanted any of us to partake in. I remember the night exactly when we went around the house and took down the festive decorations that we had so excitedly put up a week before. One by one, they all came down and were thrown away. My simple youthful view was that they were “bad” because it was a night that Satan loved and we cannot celebrate with Satan. Pretty freaky. And pretty freakin’ confusing for a kiddo my age.

Inevitably, what followed were years of lies and shame. I was embarrassed to tell my friends and teachers that we didn’t go trick-or-treating and I was resentful to my parents that I never got to go. I lied to my classmates about what I was going to be each year, often pretending “I didn’t know yet” and the next day would lie again, acting as if I had went. I faked out my parents by acting like I didn’t care either way because I didn’t want to rock the boat or make them feel bad.

My parents meant well. Their hearts were in the right place. To this day, I don’t hold anything against them because honestly I know they were only trying to prevent exposing us to things of an evil nature. Very, very good intentions; hard to argue with their motives.

Thirteen years ago when I started teaching kindergarten, the debate to ban Halloween in the school district was in full swing. The core of the debate was that it WAS indeed a religious holiday (separation of church and state). Boy, as you can imagine, this brought up some sensitive issues for me. Things I hadn’t thought about in years. So sensitive that I found myself unable to share my experience from childhood with my colleagues.

As it stood when I had left the school after teaching five years, the 5 and 6 year olds were still allowed to have “fall parties” with costumes and treats, but it was a fight from year to year. In those five years of teaching I got to see the holiday through the eyes of these kindergarteners. It was a real gift! For weeks prior, they would savor the anticipation of wearing their costumes and the excitement about seeing what their friends would be dressed as. There was nothing but pure delight to be found when the kiddos got to walk the halls of school in their costume for the Halloween parade (which by that point had then been limited to walking through the kindergarten classes only). And of course — the candy! Cupcakes with little orange pumpkins, orange Hi-C, festive napkins.

Pure, honest, innocent fun.

No child ever mentioned Satan or the “day of the dead.” Evil never got brought up. No one ever talked about the religious origins of the holiday or the satanic worship practices. Heck, most people don’t even know they exist.

The argument is being made that if schools are not allowed to let other religious holidays be celebrated (Jesus at Christmas, menorahs, etc.) then why should this religious holiday be allowed to continue?

Here’s my (maybe too simple) answer…

Many holidays that are celebrated in our culture in the United States have SOME sort of religious origin. Heck, the entire foundation of the origins of this country are religious. Didn’t this country get founded on the concept of finding religious freedom? Over the years the religious core of the holiday has faded into the mainstream and the secular traditions have taken the spotlight. A few examples…

Valentine’s Day. Are only Catholics allowed to celebrate this day? Yes, it’s all based on St. Valentine. Same holds true for St. Patrick’s Day. The more obvious ones of course are Christmas and Easter. Yet I know practicing Jews who put up Christmas trees and atheists who dye Easter eggs.

Where’s the line between overanalyzing and respect?

Should we stop acknowledging Father’s Day in our culture because some people do not know their fathers?

Halloween and every other holiday are great opportunities to be mindful of HOW you celebrate it and what you choose to put emphasis on.

At the end of the day, every parent has to make their own call and do what’s best for their family. Jason and I have been very intentional about our Halloween traditions. Our family is intentional about steering clear of the extreme scariness and I’m not big fans of overabundance of the revealing costumes for women, so we opt out of this part of the holiday. However, we all dress up. Lucy looks forward to what we’re all going to be. Our neighborhood has a Halloween parade through the streets led by a firetruck, which is a hoot. Our best friends join us in costume for the parade, then we do some trick-or-treating, followed by a dessert first (candy, of course!) dinner together back at our house while we take turns going to the door to hand out candy to our neighbors. And don’t forget the annual viewing of “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.” Our dinner menu is usually something very fall-ish and under the category of comfort food (think shepherd’s pie or homemade soup and warm bread). It’s a night we all savor and I suspect will continue to for years to come.

Unfortunately, life is filled with endless inevitable opportunities for hardship and sadness. We’ve seen this far too many times through our work with Make-A Wish.

When the opportunity for some pure, honest, innocent fun arises, you can bet I’ll be the first in line with my pumpkin bucket to get me some of that.

Here is a good example of how adults are ruining everything. This is a sign at a community pool in Florida, and it inspires so many questions.

No breath holding? At a swimming pool?! Or else what?

And is willing hyperventilation that common?

One can only assume this pool has no diving boards, offers no swimming lessons, and forbids most Olympic-style strokes. Either that or its drowning rate is off the chart!

One thing is for sure: rules printed on metal signs bolted to walls are serious business.

So is questioning the rules that don’t exist. Or in this case, even the ones that do.

Inspiration and photo credit goes to the Culbertsons.

In the Adults Are Ruining Everything department, a kid got suspended for running around the field dressed as a banana during halftime of a high school football game.

My hero is reporter Pat Collins, who dresses up like a bunch of grapes for the interview. His best line:

“When you think about it, you might see their point. It starts with a banana, then all of a sudden you have an apple or an orange and maybe a grape and before you know it, you have FRUIT SALAD at the schools! We can’t have that.”

Hat tip to Mindy

Yeah, because children’s chalk drawings wreak all kinds of havoc on my peaceful enjoyment of pretty much anything.

Interestingly, a little research on the neighborhood, called Innovations and Courtyard Traditions at Stapleton, shows that it was specifically designed to “promote a wonderful, old-fashioned sense of community as families play and mingle.”

Um, fail.

This, my friends, is another sad case of adults trying to ruin everything.

The group’s attorney — yes, I said attorney — has made assurances that “the association is going down a path of ‘do no harm’ and is temporarily banning the chalk art until it is discussed in depth at a later meeting. It will then be up to the residents to decide if the art will be permanently banned.”

Happily, in the mean time, Emerson’s mom is allowing her to continue her chalk drawing habit as sort of a mini-protest. (Who knew that chalk drawings in a residential neighborhood would become a small rebellion?)

To me, it seems pretty obvious that the only distracting and offensive blight on this community are the Adultitis-ridden dopes who complained. Perhaps it is they who should be banned.

I have nothing against ties, I just don’t want them strangling my neck on a regular basis.

As a graphic artist, one of my favorite things to do is design t-shirts. It’s one thing for an artist to have someone point out how much they appreciate a particular work, but it’s another thing entirely to have them like it enough to actually wear it.

Like, in public.

We’ve featured a lot of t-shirts over the years at The Kim & Jason Lemonade Stand, and we currently have a crop that I’m pretty proud of. They’ve been a hot commodity at our recent speaking gigs, and for a few more days, we’re running a sale in which every shirt is $6 off. Some designs have limited quantities, and a few may not be reprinted in order to make room for some new ones. (I just can’t help myself! Must. Create.)

By the way, if you’re stumped by the Red Rover reference in the t-shirt above, it refers to an outdoor game played by children that originated in England in the 19th century, before spreading to Australia, Canada, and the U.S. According to Wikipedia:

The game is played between two imaginary lines, usually around thirty feet apart. Each team lines up along one of these lines, and the game starts when the first team calls out, “Red rover, red rover, send [name of player on opposite team] right over.”

The immediate goal for the person called is to run to the other line and break the chain (formed by the linking of hands). If the person called fails to break the chain, this player joins the team which called “Red rover”. However, if the player successfully breaks the chain, this player may select either of the two “links” broken by the successful run, and send them to join the team that had been called out. The other team then calls out “Red rover” for a player on the first team, and play continues.

When only one player is left on a team, they must try and break through a link. If they do not succeed, the opposing team wins. Otherwise, they are able to get a player back for their team.

So there you go, the skinny on Red Rover. The Adults Who Are Ruining Everything have banned it on many school playgrounds, so you know it must be fun.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant, 72-ounce Cherry Coke busts down the door, holds you down, and forces every drip of its syrupy evil down your throat.

Fortunately, this hasn’t happened to me — yet — but I’m looking into a new home security system to protect my family from this sort of soft drink crime that is apparently growing in frequency around the country.

Did you know that Soda and his cronies are causing obesity in this country? Not just in adults, but children, too! Oh, the humanity!

Happily, our friendly neighborhood politicians are on the case. Some are suggesting a penny per ounce tax on the sugar-laden beverages to prevent them from wreaking further havoc.

An interesting start, but I’m not sure if that’s taking the problem seriously enough. Perhaps it should be a dollar-an-ounce tax. Or maybe we can send a strong message by rounding up all of the soft drinks and putting them in a time out, or grounding them for a month.

We need to send a message to these killing machines, but how?

Here are some ideas…

1) Maybe we can tell our nanny-minded government to stay out of our lives and quit trying to get their grubby little hands on all of our money a few cents at a time.

2) Maybe we can write a strongly-worded letter to the Adultitis-ridden do-gooders who are ruining everything that we don’t want to be penalized for someone else’s complete lack of self-control. (If the letter doesn’t work, we’ll threaten wedgies!)

3) Maybe we can actually — gasp! — hold people to a standard of personal accountability and begin operating under the assumption that if you want to slurp down 600-calorie Mountain Dews which may lead to rotting teeth and a sizeable weight gain resulting in an early death, that’s your choice, but not the Mountain Dew’s fault.

I don’t know, those three ideas seem pretty reasonable.

But maybe I’m just being ridiculous.

I just did a Google search on “How to connect with your neighbor.” I was trying to find some people who might be interested in the Escape Adulthood show episode in which we shared a fun idea for introducing yourself to a neighbor you might not know very well. I got a bunch of posts about hacking into your neighbor’s home network, and at the bottom of the search page, Google suggested these related searches:

how to make your neighbors move
find criminals your neighborhood
find predators your neighborhood
find rapist your neighborhood
find molesters your neighborhood

No, Google, not exactly what I was looking for. Call me crazy, but methinks something is seriously wrong here. Pass this video along, and maybe we can turn the tide.

I miss Mr. Rogers. Anybody else?

Because some days you should get what you want.  That’s my explanation for this picture.

Henry is wearing the PJ bottoms he begged to keep on, the shoes he insisted on (one a rain boot and the other a pair of sandals).  He’s eating peanut butter from a spoon and enjoying his binky.

Throughout our lives, starting at the very beginning, we are bombarded with rules.

Many of which don’t exist.

This collection of “rules” come from a wide variety of sources: our best friends, first grade teachers, parents, grandparents, politicians, old dead white guys, and even young celebrity trendsetters sporting more silicone than a non-stick bakeware factory. If we want to be successful, popular, get a good grade, or avoid death cramps when swimming, we listen to their advice.

Some rules were established for practical reasons. And even though the reason for which they were created are no longer relevant, they live on. For instance, the reason our keyboard is laid out into a haphazard alphabet soup can not be attributed to some drunk illiterate. Quite the contrary. In 1875, Christopher Sholes (his peeps called him Mr. Typewriter), ran into a problem with his new invention. The dang keys kept sticking together when a typist worked too quickly. Unable to figure out how to keep the keys from actually sticking, he decided the next best thing was to keep the typist from typing too fast. So he scientifically jumbled up the letters so that that commonest ones were spread apart. These days, jamming typewriter keys are only a problem for people who’ve been sleeping since 1984. But the “QWERTY” style keyboard layout is probably with us forever.

The 40-hour workweek was established with union pressure in the 1930s. Most of America still abides by it today. It’s another one of those “rules.” Work less than 40 hours and you’re a slacker. Work more than 40 hours and you’re either very dedicated or a workaholic (still some debate on this one.) Timothy Ferris questioned the necessity and intelligence of this rule (and ruffled some feathers) in his mega best seller, The 4-Hour Workweek.

I’ve had this post about rules that don’t exist in draft form for so long that mold started growing around the punctuation marks. I grew interested in the topic when Kim and I began our inaugural voyage through The Escape Plan and she nearly made a poor waitress’s head explode. She obliterated the age-old “rule” that you’re not supposed to eat dessert first by ordering chocolate lasagna as a first course at the Olive Garden. Before long, I started to notice all kinds of rules that don’t exist, things we do consciously or subconsciously for reasons that range from irrelevant to superstitious to downright stupid.

Along the way, I’ve been inspired by all sorts of people. People like Melynda at Our Blessed Arrows, who wrote:

We refuse to laugh at silly things, we don’t play tag or wear colorful socks. We focus our time on finding new and better ways to live another year, another week, another day even when the life we are trying to extend is boring. We worry about every morsel that goes into our mouths. Is it organic? Are the proper amount of government institution recommended vitamins in it? Will it cause cancer? Is it processed?

And then there was the always insightful Mark Stevens, who explained why he despises conventional wisdom:

It is not wisdom. It is just convention. And convention often boils down to doing things the way they have always been done simply because they are done that way.

I envisioned a tome I could write that outlined EVERYTHING I could possibly say about rules that don’t exist, complete with a library of examples that would make Wikipedia jealous and run crying home to his mommy. The concept eventually grew so intimidating that it scared the marshmallows out of me and gave me a major case of writer’s block and a rash on my right ear.

“Me write good about rules that no exist.”

Finally, I had the epiphany to create a category of posts, rather than a single, comprehensive, all-encompassing, impossible-to-write post.

Doable. (And perhaps blindingly obvious.)

So this is the first of what promises to be a series of posts dealing with the rules that don’t exist. I’d love to hear about any that you’ve encountered. Feel free to share yours in the comments section below.

In the meantime, be on guard against anyone who tells you that you can’t eat dessert first, wear pajamas outdoors, that your shoes must match, or that you can’t enjoy peanut butter from a spoon.

Initially, I thought watching it made for pretty good birth control. Then Lucy came along and I began thanking my lucky stars that there weren’t five more of her in there. Now that I’m doing more of the grocery shopping, I am bombarded by the tabloids alerting me to the latest “scoop” on this couple now known by their famous first names. (Brangelina who?)

The season five premiere shattered TLC records, with about 10 million people tuning in to see what makes a train wreck look like a happy walk in a wading pool. It has followed the familiar arc of American celebrity: Someone rises up from obscurity to capture the hearts and minds of all the people only to be tarred and feathered (or worse) once we grow tired of them.

There is plenty of blame to go around for this monstrosity. Everybody is culpable, except the kids, who seem to always end up with the raw deal in these things.

Jon clearly wants to be done with the show. Kate clearly doesn’t. She has allowed cameras into her house for years, and now she’s complaining that there’s too much media attention. Both seem to favor the passive-aggressive mode of communication, which is widely known for its effectiveness. Not.

During one of the few times Jon and Kate were interviewed together, both claimed to be primarily concerned with doing what’s best for the kids, while conspicuously refraining from mentioning each other. It may come as news to them, but the best thing for the kids is for Mom and Dad to be together. And not in some charade in which they masquerade as “friends.” Kids are too smart for that.

I may be in the minority, but I don’t think all is lost for the Gosselin marriage. Surely there was a reason they fell in love, and I’d bet those reasons are still there — somewhere. But they need to start communicating, preferably off camera. If it were me, I’d kick out the cameras, say bye bye to TLC, spend a couple months in some undisclosed location, and rebuild my family.

The sticky part in this whole tale is the fact that the couple makes about $75,000 per episode. That’s a lot of scratch. And apparently reason enough to keep the circus going, rationalizing that it’s the only real choice, even amidst claims from their own relatives that the kids are being exploited.

So Jon and Kate themselves are the prime culprits in this mess, but I hold TLC responsible as well. I have no respect for the producers. It’s one thing to create a show around the curiosity of a family with eight kids — six of them being the same age. That’s interesting. But the minute you get a sense that a marriage and a family is in trouble, don’t you think it’s time to say, “You know what? I know this is great for ratings, but this is wrong for this family. Maybe we should take a break and let them sort things out.” Sadly, another example where money trumps human decency.

Meanwhile, I believe there is a special place in hell for paparazzi, aka “P-people.”

Get. A. Freaking. Life.

How do they sleep at night? What kind of sad, pathetic, slime ball loser do you have to be to sneak around photographing kids? If Jon and Kate weren’t famous, I’m pretty sure that might be against the law. I hear the job pays well, which apparently makes it all ok.

Then you have all of the tabloid magazines and TV shows that serve the gossip side of this stuff up like we’re in a high school cafeteria. This is the machine that keeps the paparazzi in business. Hosts with shiny hair and shinier teeth urgently present this “news” as if they’re doing us a service and making the world a better place. Get over yourselves. You were losers in high school and you’re losers now.

Finally, I can’t leave us off the list. That’s right, you and me. If we weren’t watching the show, it wouldn’t be on the air.

The only thing I can’t blame in this scenario — besides the kids — is money. I’m sure millions are crossing their arms, saying, “See, money is bad. It keeps causing all of these troubles.” They might try to prove their point by sharing the Bible passage that says, “Money is the root of all evil.”

Except that what it really says is, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

Money is an innocent bystander; it’s people who are the problem.

Kim and I watched the show with great interest, because we’ve often talked about pitching a show to TLC or the Travel Channel. We’ve debated the pros and cons that would come with such an opportunity. Of course there’s the money, a bigger audience, and an opportunity to impact more people. The downside is the possibility of turning into the nightmare that Jon & Kate Plus 8 has now become. If the opportunity came along, we’d probably consider it, but examples like this would give us great hesitation. Everyone thinks they’d handle the situation better, but the slope is more slippery than any of us could imagine.

I guess what this all comes down to is choices and consequences. We always have a choice and our actions always have consequences. Jon & Kate had the choice whether or not to bring cameras into their home. That action led to some very good consequences (increased income, a wide variety of exciting experiences, and a platform to promote books), and some very bad ones (decreased privacy, media scrutiny, and a fissure in their marriage).

Right now, they might feel like their hands are tied. But even if they have 75,000 reasons to think otherwise, they still have a choice about what to do next. And the choices they make now will have consequences down the line. Inaction on their part could result in some real, unfixable problems later.

Don’t forget that whatever situation you may currently be in, you have a choice as well. It might be a difficult one, but it it a choice nonetheless. Don’t lose sight of the consequences that may occur as a result of your action.

Or inaction.

Adultitis alert!

I know that this is a professional sport and all… but who says you can’t have a little fun and still be professional? I guess my definition of “unsportsmanlike conduct” is quite different than that of the NFL’s. To me, Welker was celebrating in a very childlike way… something we would certainly advocate.

Here’s the video. You be the judge. Do you think Welker was out of line?

Show Notes…

• Snake on Menu for Halloween (The Sun)

• Halloween Sales Reportedly Up (CBS59.com)

• Let Kids Enjoy Halloween (Atlanta Journal Constitution)

• Halloween is Best Left to the Kids (TulsaWorld.com)

• Show Music: Coyote Sleeps by Ethan Elkind

• Show Length: 38 minutes, 32 seconds

• Shout Outs: A big thank you to everyone who shared their Halloween memories!

The NBC station in Charleston, SC recently did a story on the way a local middle school is reacting to the stress levels of their students. They now provide weekly announcements which include deep breathing and positive thinking exercises.

Students of every age are feeling pressure too from high homework loads, to overscheduled days. Cardiologist Dr. John Kennedy says ‘we all have stress in our lives so if you can teach kids to manage it early, we can protect them from the chronic problems of stress later in life.’

Agree?

Sure. Kids should learn how to react to the stress they are feeling. I have no doubt that today’s average middle schooler is quite stressed. Teaching kids to manage stress early is quite a good idea.

Here’s my problem…

This “solution,” although helping the short-term, is like putting gum on a crack in the Hoover Dam. Simply not going to cut it!

You have to go to the root of the problem to eliminate the stressors now before they linger into adulthood. It comes down to lifestyle choices… and honestly, much of this comes down to whether or not parents are setting adequate limits AND consistently enforcing them. How many extracurricular activities are these stressed kids enrolled in? I’ve heard (again and again) the argument that kids should participate in a variety of things so that that they will be well-rounded and have the opportunity to explore new interests that will help them later in life, but if the kids are feeling stressed by their schedule, then the negative effects are outweighing the positive. It’s time to say no to some things.

Then there’s the homework issue. I think schools are overloading kids with homework. Not every school and not every teacher, but I know it’s happening. I saw it when I was teaching. There’s nothing worse than homework that is “busy work”… the thematic crossword puzzles, the school projects that have very little meaning behind them. There’s something to be said for maximizing the seven daytime hours that are already spent in the classroom. It’s almost like we’re training kids to be workaholics, telling them that their daytime work is not enough, that they must also work into the evening. What a strange message to send.

Overall stability in the family is also a key element for a stress-free childhood. Stability comes in many forms. Are the parents frequently stressed? Are they able to eat dinner together with their family on a regular basis? Are they getting a solid night of sleep? How much time are they playing video games, on the phone, or on the computer? Are they able to watch anything they want on TV, being exposed to all of the societal crap that leads to enhanced peer pressure and self-consciousness? They have enough “reality” in the halls of their school, without being influenced by the crap on shows like Rock of Love or America’s Next Top Model.

No, it’s not healthy to shelter kids or force to live a 1950’s life in this naturally fast-paced culture, however I think many kids suffering from stress (Juvenile Adultitis) are missing out on the best parts of being a kid and are being forced to grow up way to quickly.

What do you think?

I’ll admit it. My aunt Sarah (three years my senior) had a pretty vast collection of Strawberry Shortcake dolls (I mean action figures.) If I had to count how many times I begged her to play with them, I’d surely be up in the millions.

They were so cute…so colorful…so smelly (in a completely irresistible sort of way.)

And now American Greetings has decided to ruin Strawberry Shortcake and her sweet-smelling pals forever. In the old “Hey, let’s give this classic character a face lift to appeal to the young kids” saw, Strawberry Shortcake now wears makeup, prefers fresh fruit to gumdrops, and has ditched her cuddly cat Custard for a — wait for it — cell phone.

Another classic character ruined by marketing folks trying to simultaneously appeal to kids (as if the only toys they can possibly enjoy must wear trendy clothes and chat on cell phones) and their nostalgic parents (as if any parent would feel nostalgic over a character that looks nothing like the one they grew to love.)

According to the New York Times story, even more carnage is on the way. Stay tuned for Care Bears with less belly fat, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with more muscles, and maybe even a dark, Goth version of Tweety Bird.

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I hate it when companies do this sort of thing. The new version never seems to be as good as the old one. And I think they undervalue a child’s openness for fantasty and imaginary worlds. Not everything has to be “modern” to interest them. He-Man was a huge hit in our house growing up, and he dressed like a fashion-forward caveman. Come to think of it, when Strawberry Shortcake was popular in the 80s, it wasn’t like society was populated with people wearing bloomers with green and white stockings. She didn’t look like Cyndi Lauper or the Material Girl, and yet little girls (and at least one little boy who is secure enough in his masculinity to admit it) liked Strawberry Shortcake just fine.

What say you? Am I getting crotchety in my old age?

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I’m sure I’ll make a bunch of people angry, but I’m sorry. That’s about the only word I can think of to describe what I think about parents who let their kids have televisions in their bedroom.

With our blue collar jobs being outsourced overseas, the main thing that keeps America humming along as a world leader is our ingenuity, inventiveness, and imagination (all of which flourishes under capitalism, by the way.) Manufacturing and factory jobs are going the way of the dinosaur, and they’re being replaced by an economy of ideas and technology.

Television is a passive, mind-numbing medium. When a strong imagination and the ability to think creatively are the most important tools our kids need to succeed in life, I can’t think of one good reason to let a child have a TV in their bedroom.

Especially with all of the junk that floods the airwaves these days.

Stupid.

And it makes for stupid kids, too. From the New York Times:

According to a recent study of almost 400 third graders that was published in The Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, about 70% of the group had a television in their bedroom. The data indicated that the children with their own TV scored significantly and consistently lower on math, reading and language-arts tests. In a similar study of 80 children in Buffalo, N.Y., the presence of a television in the bedroom increased average viewing time by nearly nine hours a week, from 21 to 30 hours.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those people who think TV is the devil. It certainly has is place in our lives. I’m just not sure that our children’s bedrooms is that place. Can we shield our kids from everything harmful in this world? Absolutely not. But should we allow complete strangers into our kid’s bedroom to teach them a thing or two about “life?”

I know that there are at least 52 productive alternatives to TV. I’d bet there are countless more things that would be just as fun and serve our children better than sitting in their bedroom watching the boob tube. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I believe an imagination is a terrible thing to waste. You might be the “meanest” parent on the block, but the gift of letting your child stretch his or her imagination is one they will thank you for later.

So, what say you?

He gave a short speech at a TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) Conference. The speech was titled “5 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Kids Do.” Some of the suggestions? Play with fire. Throw a spear. Own a pocket knife.

The current trend, suggests Tulley, is that the end goal of well-meaning adults is to round every corner and eliminate every sharp object. We are caught up in the idea that “anything sharper than a golf ball is too sharp for kids under the age of 10.”

The downside is that any time a kid comes in contact with anything that is not made of round plastic, they’ll be more likely to hurt themselves. And it sets them up to have a hard time coping in the real world, where someone is not always looking out for their best interests. Gever believes that by teaching kids how to, say, control fire, we can help them become more creative, confident, and in control of the environment around them. And they will learn “things you can’t get out of playing with Dora The Explorer toys.” Here’s a video of the talk:

Gever makes a lot of great points. I especially love his suggestion of letting your kids deconstruct old appliances. Even if you don’t know what the parts do, puzzling out what they might be for is a great activity to bolster curiosity.

Perhaps it is a bit strong to propose that this trend of extreme roundification is a case of adults (with Adultitis) ruining everything. But I do think it raises some concerns.

Are we doing a disservice to our children?

I read a book not long ago by Dr. Wess Stafford, president of Compassion International, one of the charities we’ve supported for many years. The book is titled, “Too Small To Ignore.” It includes a fascinating account of Stafford’s life growing up in a small village in the Ivory Coast of Africa as the son of a missionary couple. The contrast between a child’s life growing up in Africa versus growing up in America could not be more stark.

And not in the ways that you’d think.

In Africa, or at least in the slice of Africa Wess experienced, children are more empowered within the village community. They are not looked down upon as a lesser citizen who will someday be an important, productive member of society. Rather, the children are given key — and sometimes dangerous — roles in the harvest and in the protection of the village. If they don’t perform their tasks, the whole community suffers. They are also included around the nightly campfires — no early bedtimes separate from the grown-ups — where they hear stories and absorb the wisdom from the elders.

Far from being victims of slave labor, the children have plenty of time to play. But they’ve been given a gift, an empowering message that says, “You matter. You’re important. You’re a vital contributor to this society.”

In our country, this trend of overprotecting our children contributes to the mindset that children have little to offer us well-intentioned adults. We see it as our job to humor their ideas and shield them from danger until they are old enough to really make a difference. (If you think kids can’t make a difference, check out the blog of ten-year-old Laura.) Meanwhile, in our futile attempt to protect them from harm, we are hindering their self-esteem and enable a destructive rebelliousness which is simply the best way they’ve figured out how to yell, “Hey, notice me. I matter, too!”

Please do not mistake this post as an argument against protecting our children. It is not. Rather, it is a plea to honor their curiosity, appreciate their value, and empower them to contribute in ways that benefit us all. Dangerous thinking, indeed.

You see, kids are fatter than ever. And they’re only getting fatter.

Of course, we can’t address the primary cause of the problem (parenting) because it is nearly impossible to question people’s parenting skills — it’s a touchy issue that can make the abortion debate look like a civilized afternoon tea. Since we can’t make parents be better parents (which might include doing stuff like making sure their kids don’t sit in front of a video game for hours on end every day, putting a stop to the purchase of piles of junk food, and electing for a more home cooked meals sitting around a table than fast food feasts consumed in the family SUV), we must look elsewhere.

First we can ban cupcakes from schools. Then we can give out stuff like acorns and toothpaste to kids on Halloween. And you know what else we should do?

Make Santa go on a diet!

That’s what a British shopping center is out to do. Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the Bluewater shopping centre thinks Santa is setting a bad example to the children who idolize him. She said, “Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.”

*Sigh*

I wonder if we’ll ever go back to the day when parents act like parents so kids could act like kids.

Watch out, Easter Bunny, you’re next, what with your evil little basket filled with chocolate bunnies and jelly beans. Be afraid, Easter Bunny, be very afraid.

[tags]childhood obesity, Santa Claus, overweight Santa, bad parenting[/tags]

I feel sorry for grandparents these days. Many are getting jipped out of enjoying their hard-earned role as the “fun adults” in their grandkid’s lives. So many grandparents are forced to be very “parental,” playing a major role in disciplining their grandkids. This was not the case a few generations ago, when grandparents were allowed to spoil the kids rotten… which is how it should be!

Yesterday in church we sat a few rows behind a grandma (about 65) and her five-year-old grandson. The boy’s parents were not with them and grandpa passed away a few years ago, so it was just the two of them. About a minute into the service, and I could see this was going to be a very long hour for both of them. Sitting in the front row, the grandma was clearly not about to make a scene, so you could see her picking her battles carefully (as every good caregiver does, especially in public). He tested and tested and tested her- lying on the ground, moving constantly, wrapping his coat around his head, shoving the song books onto the floor so that he could lie completely across the pew, playing with her cane and her reading glasses. She was so embarrassed and frustrated, often shaking her head and rolling her eyes with disappointment. She motioned for him to stand next to her a handful of times, with her sweet “grandma smile” and he consistently shook his head in a defiant “no.”

I was steaming!

I leaned over to Jason who noticed the happenings also and assured him, “I’ll be blogging this!”

This child clearly does not respect the authority of adults. (This was not a surprise to us because Jason and I worked with him for an entire morning for Vacation Bible School recently. That was a LONG morning.)

This interchange is symbolic of the dynamics that is too common for many grandparents and grandkids these days. I saw it too often when I was teaching. Parents are busy. So busy, in fact, that things fall through the cracks. Unfortunately sometimes those “things” involve discipline, consistency and follow-through. (It take a lot of time and effort to raise a “good kid.”) Guilt takes over. Kids gain too much control. Enough said. Not only are the kids the major victims here, so are the other “innocent” adults who have to spend time with these out-of-control sweethearts- whether it’s their teachers, daycare providers, or the grandparents. Yikes. Busyness strikes again.

A large part of our mission is to help kids have better childhoods. When I see this sort of interchange it really makes me sad more than anything. These kids are being deprived of a sacred type of relationship that cannot be duplicated – the grandparent-grandchild relationship. Special memories are made, like being spoiled with sweets, later bedtimes and precious one-on-one activities like making cookies together, fishing, or playing with a special train set. When the grandparents are forced to be yet another voice of discipline (because of the lack of discipline from the parents), then they cannot even think of spoiling them, which brings them so much joy. It’s impossible to spoil a spoiled brat.

I wish parents would just “parent” so that grandparents can actually “grandparent.”

[tags] grandparents, parents, parenting, discipline, respect[/tags]

Enough already.

Do you find yourself unknowingly getting thrown into the “busyness” contest? Whether it’s at work, with family or acquaintances, people start talking about how busy they are. Before you know it you, too, are spouting how little time you have. For some reason, it seems like the busiest person wins. What a twisted and damaging conversation.

I am unofficially making “busy” a bad word, in order to avoid the trap of, not only the aforementioned conversation, but mostly the mentality. It’s poisonous. The funny thing is that everyone has the same amount of time, so if you are “busy” it’s your own fault.

The flaw is in you.

The other day we got a comment from someone unsubscribing from our Insider, our daily/weekly ezine. Since we are always looking for ways to improve it, after someone unsubscribes there is a comment box, which is not a required field. It says, “We care what you think. Please give us your feedback on the Kim & Jason Insider so we can make it better for everyone. Thanks!” This particular unsubscriber chose to take the time to comment, sharing, “I didn’t really want to spend time explaining why I am asking you to take me off the list. Time is what I don’t have. It’s a great site, just not interested anymore.”

Ironically she spent even more time telling me that she doesn’t have any time. How funny! The line that struck me is, “Time is what I don’t have.” People love to be martyrs about their time.

Admit that you do have enough time. So much so, that you don’t have to be so busy. It’s all about the little choices you make everyday…. your time management… your priorities. It all come back to you.

Has the modern culture’s obsession with the “I’m so busy” mantra turned into a crutch that enables you to avoid taking 100% responsibility for your life? (One hundred percent responsibility happens to be one of Jack Canfield’s “Success Principles.” If you haven’t made your journey through that book, start now!)

It’s time to stop talking about how “busy” you are and start doing something about it.

[tags] busyness, busy, Jack Canfield, Success Principles, time, time management, priorities[/tags]