Near our house, there is a large wooded marsh with a network of winding trails. Just about every day, either Kim or I or both of us are out taking a walk in that marsh. She takes amazing photographs with her phone of details that I walk right by. (See below.)

The other day I stumbled upon three deer. We all froze. I bet I spent five full minutes standing there, quietly, having a staring contest with them. When they finally ran away, I marveled at their grace and power, and they reminded me a bit of NFL wide receivers. I love those encounters.

And I am grateful for that marsh.

Interestingly, it wasn’t one of the listed selling points when we bought our house. We didn’t even know it existed until well after we moved in. But the funny thing is, when we do leave this home for the next adventure, the marsh will be one of the hardest things to let go of.

Everyone knows that if you plan well and work hard, good things usually happen. But I’m sure we’d all agree that we have a number of blessings in our lives that we didn’t plan for, orchestrate, or frankly, don’t even deserve.

It’s worth taking some time every now and then to reflect on those “undeserved” blessings in order to invite a sense of gratitude to envelop us. It’s also an undisputed way to turn any frowns upside down.

Our lists will look different, of course, but that marsh would definitely be on mine. Along with the parents I was lucky enough to be born to. And the talents I was somehow gifted. And the strangers who crossed my path that eventually became friends and mentors. Not to mention the blonde girl I met over twenty-five years ago who saw something in me and turned into the best wife and partner-in-crime a guy could ever ask for.

I didn’t orchestrate any of those things, but boy, am I ever grateful for them.

Maybe it’s easier to look for reasons to panic, pout, and pontificate about how life stinks. But I think it’s more useful and uplifting to search for the good things we did nothing to earn and rejoice over just how blessed we really are.

I love painting doughnuts. They are sweet and nostalgic and whimsical, which is how one might describe my artwork. I’d probably be content to paint nothing more than doughnuts for the rest of my life.

Only one problem.

Every time I paint doughnuts, I want to eat them. Which is not sustainable. Unless I add “getting cut out of my home and removed via crane” to my bucket list, which I’d rather not.

You know what is sustainable? Optimism. Deciding to look on the bright side and find the good in every person and every situation. It sustains us in the good times and the bad times, with no discernible downsides.

Sadly, people who are regularly optimistic are often viewed in the same light as doughnuts: Nice and sweet, but completely lacking in any nutritional substance. To the cynics of the world, an optimistic person is an intellectual lightweight. A simpleton. Blind to the realities of the world.

I submit that the way of the cynic is the easy way. Although smugly disguised in trendy hipster jeans and an ironic smile, being cynical is the lazy way out. It takes no special skill to identify negatives, assume the worst, and rain down judgment on everyone else.

Check your Facebook feed to see if I’m right.

In our self-help culture, we have thousands of books at our disposal that will tell us how to be happy. We keep buying them, hoping the sheer act of reading them will transform us, as if there is some secret bit of knowledge that has not yet been revealed to mankind — or at least to us — that will change everything. But the advice is always the same, so we skip it, judging it to not have worked.

But reading about something is not the same as doing it. The doing part is always harder than the reading part.

Although I know naturally optimistic people, optimism remains a choice. You can choose to see the good in every person and every situation, no matter how dire or despicable.

Now, is it easy? Hells no.

Being kind and respectful to a person who has opposing political views than you? Hard.

Looking for the good when your family has been blindsided by a devastating illness? Hard.

Straining to see something redeemable in that idiot co-worker? Hard.

Finding reasons to be grateful when you’re out of work and have no money to buy Christmas gifts for your kids? Hard.

Of course, we’d rather have our situation change. We’d rather have the other guy change. We’d rather have that policy changed. But if we have the courage to change ourselves, everything changes.

Living a life filled with peace, joy and happiness is no easy task. There is no magic pill. It’s can’t be delivered via Amazon Prime. But being cynical isn’t the answer, it’s a one way ticket in the wrong direction.

There is no downside to optimism.

Heck, the best way to turn any bad mood into a good one is to change your perspective from cynical to optimistic and begin counting all the things you are thankful for.

Starting with doughnuts.

Baby toes. Ocean sunsets. Cream puffs from the Wisconsin State Fair.

These are a few of my favorite things.

When we focus on the stuff that’s missing from our stories, it’s the equivalent of inviting Adultitis into your living room and encouraging him to put up his feet while you prepare him a seven course dinner. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be surprised at how difficult it is to get him to leave at the end of the night.

On the other hand, cultivating a sense of gratitude is like slapping a restraining order on the big jerk.

As much as I have to be grateful for, I still find it all too easy to take the good parts of my life for granted. And as the old saying goes, we don’t know how good we have it ’till it’s gone.

The recent post from my friend Ryan really struck a nerve with me. He wrote about the idea of taking one picture a day of something you are grateful for. One thing. And then post it on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter or wherever. It’s sort of like a gratitude journal, except it’s so easy a caveman could do it. If cavemen had smartphones.

Well, color me inspired. I intend to celebrate Thanksgiving Day thirty times this November. Starting on the first, and for the whole month, I will be posting my one thing every day on Instagram, using the hashtag #thankstagram.

Who’s in?

Consider it a sign that you’re on the right track.

Keep going.

The Sellout by Jason Kotecki. Made with iPad.

With another Thanksgiving just around the corner, and my first year of fatherhood coming to a close, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for, including sleep, football, and cheese. Here’s the full list:

1 ) Sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a big fan of sleep. It’s just that I’m much more grateful for it now. Every hour of sleep is pure gold and Sunday afternoon family naps are better than a juicy steak. Never more true than in the first year of parenthood is the old adage that says, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

2 ) The guy who invented disposable diapers.
You, my friend, are a saint. Now, my hat is off to all of the brave, patient souls who go the route of cloth diapers. I salute you, particularly because you appear to be some brand of superhuman. Although our choice to go disposable may not be as environmentally friendly, I take solace in the idea that I’m doing my part to jumpstart the economy.

3 ) Football.
Oh, football, you bastion of manliness serving as a needed escape from the jungle of fatherhood. For a few hours, you let me revel in grown men smacking the crap out of each other as I watch from the comfort of my couch in my fleece pants. Who knew that Jay Cutler’s 17 interceptions (so far!) could serve such a noble purpose?

4 ) Moms.
First, let me state the obvious. If guys had to go through the whole childbirth thing, there’d be a lot less people on Earth. Like maybe none. Plus, moms are so good at remembering those little things that we dads often forget, like the fact that it might be a good idea to put a coat on your baby when it’s cold outside.

5 ) Colors not named pink.
I grew up in a home with two brothers. The only females were my mom and our dog. There wasn’t a whole lot of pink going on. But now, in just one year’s time, I have already achieved a lifetime’s worth of exposure to the color pink. Apparently that is the only color you’re allowed to dress little girls in. I have a new found appreciation for the colors blue, orange, green, and yes, even brown…

[Read the rest of this article over at Dad-O-Matic, a cool site for Dads, by Dads.]

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Here are “10 Ways to Have a Childlike Thanksgiving.” I’ve also included the childish counterpart, for training purposes. Have fun spreading this childlike way of living, while helping to annihilate the Adultitis in your family (which can sometimes be a tall order!).

1. Be adventurous and try to eat something you’ve never had before.
Childish: Try to replicate the exact plate of food you ate last year, and the year before.

2. Politely ask the host if he/she would mind if you eat your dessert first.
Childish: Make a scene by obnoxiously alerting everyone that you’re eating your pumpkin pie first (without asking the host first).

3. Be mindful of the wishbone, making sure two kids get to “do the honors.”
Childish: Elbow your way to the wishbone, ensuring that you get to be one of the lucky ones to make a wish.

4. While sitting next to a relative you haven’t seen in a while, ask her about herself, using open-ended questions, like “What’s your biggest challenge at your job?” or “What’s your favorite thing about being a mom?” (People LOVE to share “little known” facts about themselves and you can end up learning some neat things.)
Childish: While sitting next to a relative you haven’t seen in a while, start talking about the ’08 presidential election, the war, the current problems with public education and don’t forget religion.

5. Be the catalyst for making a fun family memory– whether it’s cooking together, playing a board game, watching a funny movie, playing flag football, or telling jokes.
Childish: Be the catalyst for getting everyone drinking.

6. Even if you’re not a big football fan, when an exciting play occurs high five your couch potato cousin who is totally into the game.
Childish: Roll your eyes at the football fanatics, making side comments about how dangerous football really is.

7. When a relative starts small talk and asks you what’s new with you, actually share something of value, like a dream or goal you’re working towards. Then, without talking too much about yourself, be sure to reciprocate by asking about his current goals.
Childish: Perpetuate small talk with more small talk, while attempting to get out of the conversation as soon as possible. Use one word answers like, “fine,” “not bad,” and “decent.”

8. Be positive! Smile and take in all of the little joys of the holiday… the smells, the warmth of the kitchen, the gathering of loved ones, the delicious meal, and the enjoyment of football.
Childish: Pout about the fact that your Thanksgiving isn’t exactly how you would’ve liked it. Be resentful, look at the clock often, dread being with your relatives, and wish you were someplace else.

9. Count your blessings! Spend some time alone before the festivities and happenings of the day to think about all that you’re grateful for. Send thanks above for all that you have been blessed with.
Childish: Reflect upon the blessings in your life with pride and self-adulation.

10. Offer to say grace or make a toast, sharing an honest and heartfelt reflection on the blessings in your family over the last year, building others up (especially the cooks!).
Childlike: When someone asks, “Who is going to say grace?” Sarcastically say, “Grace! There… it’s done!”

[tags] Thanksgiving, Adultitis, holidays, Grinch[/tags]