Keyword: rules

Remember paint-by-numbers? 

You know, the beloved craft project in which an image is broken down into sections, each labeled with a number. Fill in each section with the color that corresponds to the ascribed number, and you achieve something that sort of resembles a work of art.

Kinda, but not really. 

It might look pretty, but it’s not art.

It’s a plan. It’s a system. It’s one way of doing things.

But it’s definitely not art.

There’s no risk involved. No creativity. There’s none of YOU in the work.

When you finish building a desk from IKEA, do you stand back and proclaim that you have just created a work of art? 

No. You were merely following instructions.

A paint-by-number can be a fun, relaxing way to spend an afternoon.

Unfortunately, too many of us settle for a paint-by-number life.

We believe that if we follow the rules, do what we’re told, and stay within the lines, we’ll end up with something that sort of resembles a successful life.

Kinda, but not really. 

Oh, it may get you a nice job with a nice benefits package and a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a nice car and 2.5 very nice kids, but I’m not sure that I’d call that a masterpiece.

Just as a paint-by-number gives you the illusion of having made art, this path gives you the illusion of a well-lived life.

We didn’t come up with this on our own, of course. Society and governments would very much prefer us to adopt the paint-by-number route. We’ve been conditioned this way, beginning in school.

The prospect of a paint-by-number life is not all that different from those standardized tests we were given, the kind that can be graded by a machine, where the objective is to fill in each section correctly.  The only difference is that instead of using a number 2 pencil, you get to use color.

Just not all of them.

We’re not unwilling participants, however. Part of us craves the comfort and security that comes from embracing a paint-by-number method: “Just tell me what to do to have a safe, comfortable, successful life.” 

Unfortunately, our best life is not achieved via the safe, predictable, step-by-step path.  

Safety is an illusion, and doing things the way everyone else is doing them is not the path to happiness. Too many people figure this out in midlife, when the paint-by-number method fails to satisfy.

We’re not here to live paint-by-number lives.

Earlier in my career, I searched for a paint-by-number approach. I joined the National Speakers’ Association and got to know many successful people. I tried to copy them, but while they had specific talents and interests and values that contributed to their success, I discovered I had different ones. I searched for a speaker who was also an artist to show me the way. But the few artists I did find weren’t artists in the same way I was an artist, so it didn’t translate. 

I thought maybe I was looking in the wrong place. I looked to other artists I admired for a roadmap. That also proved fruitless; it turns out that not many artists are all that eager to stand on a stage and speak to a thousand people.

Lots of experts were happy to sell me their program: “Paint this red and this blue and this green, and you’ll be as happy and successful as I am!”

That fell short, too. It was as if I had red and blue crayons, but lacked a green one that seemed important. Meanwhile, I also had purple and periwinkle, but I couldn’t find a paint-by-number that also included them.

I spent many years frustrated and discouraged, unable to find a prescribed path to success that fit my unique talents, interests, and values.

Finally, I had an epiphany. I didn’t need to wish for or wait until I had the colors someone else had before I could be successful. And those extra colors that didn’t seem to fit were actually an advantage.

I resonated with this realization from Fred Rogers: “I’ll never forget the sense of wholeness I felt when I finally realized what in fact I really was: not just a writer or a language buff or a student of human development or a telecommunicator, but I was someone who could use every talent that had ever been given to me in the service of children and their families.” 

I, too, realized that the magic was in combining my seemingly disparate talents. If I took all the crayons I had — even the ones that seemed extra or out of place — I’d be able to create something wholly original. 

That’s when everything changed, and my career exploded.

“Escape competition through authenticity.”

–Naval Ravikant

I have original paintings for sale. I also sell prints, which are copies of the original. 

They look similar.

But one is worth exponentially more.

“All people are born originals, but many die a photocopy.”

–St. Carlo Acutis

It’s easier and feels safer to copy what other people are doing by living a paint-by-number life. Fit in. Follow the rules. Keep on doing what you’ve always done. Keep telling yourself you’re not creative.

Adultitis would like nothing more for you.

But here’s the thing: they don’t hang paint by numbers in the Louvre. 

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to advice, learn from others, or ever follow best practices. I’m not saying you should strive to be original for the sake of originality. 

I’m saying you already are an original.

Or, as Dr. Seuss said, “There is no one alive that is youer than you.”

You were made to be a masterpiece.

You are in the process of building a portfolio. Fill it with adventures. Take chances. Try new things. Do things that don’t make sense once in a while.

Use all the colors you’ve got.

When you get to the end of your life, and you’re looking back at what you’ve created, please don’t let it be filled with paint-by-numbers.

Don’t limit your potential by trying to squeeze yourself into someone else’s tame, safe, predictable prescription for success. 

Confidently be your awesome, wild, original self.

And make Adultitis go running for the hills.