I’ve decided to spend this month writing about the best productivity tip around. Welcome to NOvember, a series of short, simple reflections on the art of saying no.
You don’t have to be a “people pleaser” to hate saying no.
Most people dislike it.
Let’s face it, delivering a no is usually less enjoyable than a yes. Unfortunately, the warm, happy feelings that come from saying yes in the moment often give way to anger and resentment later, when we’re stressed and overwhelmed.
Saying yes in the moment is writing a check our future self will have to pay.
Our aversion to saying no seems to be rooted in fear.
We say yes to invitations to attend social gatherings, serve on boards, and give up our Saturdays because we fear disappointing someone, hurting their feelings, and what they might think of us.
We say yes to unreasonable requests from our client or boss because we fear losing the account or our job.
We say yes to too many activities for our kids because we’re afraid they’ll fall behind their peers or look less appealing to universities.
We say yes to the societal conventions of our time because we’re afraid of being singled out as a luddite, old-fashioned, or weird.
While we spend so much effort to avoid saying no, it’s easy to forget how often we do it. We say no all the time.
Every yes is a no to a thousand other things.
Choosing a vacation destination means saying no to all the other places we could go instead.
Choosing a dinner means saying no to all the other dishes we might prepare instead.
Choosing to read a book means saying no not only to all the other books we might read, but also to all the other activities we could do instead of reading.
This is called opportunity cost, the value of the alternatives we give up when we make a choice. Because resources are limited, choosing one option means sacrificing the benefits of the next best choice.
If you have an hour and choose to watch a 50-minute TV show, your opportunity cost is the chapter you could have written, the flashcards you could have studied, or the game you could have played with your kids.
Saying yes to a Sunday morning youth soccer game might mean saying no to church, a leisurely brunch with friends, or a much-needed relaxing family recharge.
This isn’t to say our desire for comfort should dictate our decisions. Sometimes, we must say yes to things we’d rather not do, like going to work instead of sleeping in, because they serve a greater good.
Sometimes a sacrifice is the best yes we can offer.
Saying yes to someone on your wedding day means saying no to all the other potential spouses out there.
My goal isn’t to cause analysis paralysis. It’s to remind you of the enormous power of a single yes.
Don’t be afraid of saying no. You’re already doing it all the time.
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