Author: Jason

Ron Swanson, Timothée Chalamet, and my dad walked into a bar.

Out came this article.

Let’s start with Mr. Chalamet, the brilliant young actor who received a Screen Actors Guild award for his portrayal of Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown. His acceptance speech caused a stir, not because it was controversial, but because it was so uncommon:

“I know the classiest thing would be to downplay the effort that went into this role and how much this means to me, but the truth is this was five years of my life. I poured everything I had into playing this incomparable artist, Mr. Bob Dylan, a true American hero. It was the honor of a lifetime playing him…

…I can’t downplay the significance of this award. Cause it means the most to me. And I know we’re in a subjective business, but the truth is, I’m really in pursuit of greatness. I know people don’t usually talk like that, but I want to be one of the greats. I’m inspired by the greats. I’m inspired by the greats here tonight. I’m as inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis, Marlon Brando, and Viola Davis as I am by Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps, and I want to be up there. So I’m deeply grateful. This doesn’t signify that, but it’s a little more fuel. It’s a little more ammo to keep going. Thank you so much.”

We’re not used to people admitting that they want to be great.

I appreciate the honesty and drive. Some might see it as prideful, but he demonstrated tons of humility. Not just by acknowledging the greats who came before him, and not just by describing the award as fuel to keep going, acknowledging that he still has a long way to go. 

Pride is acting like you deserved the award and that it came easily. It takes humility to display the vulnerability of letting us know how much you care. And when you plant your flag as someone who desires to be great, you invite the entire world to remind you why you’re not.

These days, it’s not cool to admit that you care or show how much effort you put in.

These days, apathy is seen as a virtue.

It’s not.

Magnanimity, on the other hand, is a virtue. It means “greatness of soul.” It is the virtue by which one pursues what is great and honorable in life, even if it is difficult. The magnanimous person seeks to do great acts that are deserving of honor.

The opposite, I’m afraid, is more of what we commonly see in our culture today.

It’s not cool to try too hard.

The person lacking in magnanimity suffers from a vice called “pusillanimity,” which means “smallness of soul.” The pusillanimous individual shies away from noble, arduous tasks because they are uncomfortable and will demand a lot out of him. He instead pursues the path of least resistance, opting for whatever is easier. (Hat tip to St. Thomas Aquinas and Edward Sri for their insights on this.)

The path of least resistance is always tempting.

It’s easy to settle for good enough.

Greatness is hard.

Of course, greatness and magnanimity are not exclusive to the realms of sports and entertainment. We are called to pursue greatness wherever we find ourselves, even if it’s unlikely to earn us an award or even be noticed at all.

Our family is helping our parish priests convert a spare room in the rectory into a prayer chapel. My dad built the altar for them to use when praying Mass. He put a lot of hours into it, and triumphantly texted me when it was finished.

A few days later, I received another text. This one wasn’t so triumphant. Apparently, he determined that the top was warped, and he deemed it unacceptable.

I didn’t see much evidence of the problem in the photo, but he was convinced it needed to be better and decided to redo it.

Ultimately, my dad redid the top of the altar twice. When he sent me a photo of the finally completed masterpiece, he added these thoughts:

“One thing that I have learned about woodworking: there is a reason for everything. It seems like whenever I face a challenge, mistake, or problem, it always turns out I’ve learned something that helps me somehow down the road. And in the end, I become a better me.”

My dad doesn’t have a blog, but he’s been toying for years with writing a book. Until he does, I guess it’s up to me to pass along gems like these.

Because of course, this isn’t just a lesson about woodworking.

It’s a lesson about life.

That’s the result of pursuing greatness, even if you don’t quite reach it: You end up with a better you.

How do you achieve greatness?

Well, it won’t come easily or comfortably, that’s for sure. A strong work ethic appears to be on the endangered list these days. We live in an age of “good enough,” which rarely is.

And it’s not by being sidetracked and distracted by a bunch of other things. Chalamet dedicated five years to his portrayal of Bob Dylan. Likewise, my dad put all other projects he was eager to get to on the back burner to focus on the altar.

As Ron Swanson said, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

Good advice.

But the first step to achieving greatness is to decide to be great because you’re grateful for all the gifts you’ve been given and you strive to use them the best that you can.

To do any less is a tragic waste of time.

We were not created for comfort but for greatness.

The time between Christmas and the New Year is Puzzle Season in our household. (Except for my wife, who is not the least bit interested in them, but is eager to take advantage of the fact that we are all distracted.)

The kids and I usually enjoy the 1000-piece varieties, but hate the unnecessarily hard ones. (All double-sided puzzles, or those made entirely of pieces that are mostly one color, should be rounded up and incinerated.) 

Our biggest accomplishment thus far was a 3,000-piece behemoth that featured Peanuts characters. 

At first I thought, “This is totally doable. Not too difficult.”

Reality set in when we started sorting all the pieces, putting them face-up. To have space for them all, we had to shift our operation to the ping-pong table. Ginny had the idea to set aside the edges as we found them, which turned out to be a stroke of genius. But that too was sobering, taking way longer than I expected.

Everyone contributed — except Kim — but eventually, Ben and I signed up for the bulk of the job. 

We would scale Everest or die trying.

There were times I never thought we’d make it. I reminded myself, one piece at a time, knowing that every piece added successfully was one less to sort through. 

Sometimes I got delightfully lost in the quest. I was in the zone, and hours passed like minutes. Other times I was frustrated, going half an hour having placed only a few pieces.

When I was away from the puzzle, my subconscious would conjure up a strategy to try the next time I returned. (Look for everything of a certain color. Group all the like pieces together. Work on all seven hundred Snoopys separately before adding them to the larger puzzle.) 

Eventually, we finished it. We were older, wiser, and furious at Charles Schulz for creating so many characters whose faces are so dang similar.

I also came away with some helpful lessons (reminders?) for any of us who are in the midst of an overwhelming endeavor:

• At the beginning, a project always seems easier than it will be. (I can see the top of that mountain from here; how hard can it be to walk up there?) Perhaps this is for the best, or else we may never get started. Nevertheless, it’s a good truth to keep in mind to help ward off the inevitable discouragement that will come.

• We should listen to and be open to the ideas of others, even people who are younger or less experienced than us. They may have suggestions that could help us greatly. (Thanks, Ginny!)

• There are times when everything is clicking: You’re in the zone. You’re having fun, and it’s easy. Roll with it, as long as you can. This rarely happens early in the process. It’s often a reward for putting in the hours.

• There will be a point where the task becomes overwhelming and looks unfinishable. In those moments, remind yourself to take one step at a time. It’s simple math: Each step taken is one less step to take.

• Working harder isn’t always the answer. Sometimes we need to get away from what we’re working on. Take a walk. Do something else for a while. Forcing it only leads to frustration, and our subconscious will work on the puzzle while we are away, giving us ideas and strategies we wouldn’t have otherwise considered.

Perhaps you are in the middle of a 3000-piece puzzle in your life, one that isn’t made of colorful paper and cardboard. 

I wish you well and hope one of these reminders sustains you on your quest. 

You’ve got this!

Just take it one piece at a time.

“Today or never, that’s my motto.”

Now that’s a good motto. Thanks for that, Mary Poppins.

Looking back at the last year, I lived a lot of it scared.

The after-effects of the storm that ripped through our property two years earlier lingered longer than I expected. The debt was a leviathan, and we slayed it sooner than seemed possible.

Maybe too soon.

The finances didn’t snap back the way I thought they would after we moved heaven and earth to exorcise that beast.

Maybe it was the lousy economy. Maybe it was the uncertainty of an election year. Maybe we were just exhausted.

Maybe a little of all three.

Or maybe our number was up.

That’s what I was most afraid of.

Can you be faithful and fearful at the same time? If it can be done, I did it. I fought that fear every day, and I like to think that more days than not, faith won.

The maddening thing was that we were making more than we ever did in that dumpy apartment all those years ago. But there are more mouths to feed now. More responsibilities. More people to answer to.

Every week I wondered if this was the week the tank would finally run dry.

Well, despite the cliches, January has a way of begging for something better.

It was the last day of our annual retreat. It’s when the kids are at Grandma and Grandpa’s, the home is all ours, and we review the year that was and all the blessings that make me blush when we count them all up.

My bride and I went for a walk. I floated a topic. It wasn’t an abandonment of sanity. I wasn’t resorting to recklessness. But I did confess to Kim that I didn’t want to keep livin’ scared.

Our family has prayed for a whole year for the opportunity to embark on adventures to Alaska, Africa, Italy, and London. (What can I say, we’re an eclectic bunch.)

A whole year and none of them felt any closer to reality.

And yet.

I reminded Kim that Alaska is a place you only want to visit in the summer and although it’s far, it’s not jumping oceans far. If we didn’t try it this year, it would be another whole year before we could try again. And our kids would be that much closer to leaving the nest.

Another year of staycations felt like a defeat.

I don’t know how it happened…one thing led to another. A miraculous void in an already crammed calendar was found. We discovered flights that could be had for miles and a song.

It all happened so fast.

It was reminiscent of another quote from Madam Poppins, which has been lingering in my notebook for damn near seven years:

“We’re on the brink of an adventure, children, don’t spoil it by asking too many questions.”

My wife and I are not prone to flights of financial fancy. One reason we live in our dream house is that we saved and sacrificed and sweltered through hot, air-conditionless summers in that dumpy apartment on the run-down side of town.

Yes. This could indeed end up being a bad financial decision I’ll soon regret.

It could also be true that I won’t make it another three sixty-five.

“Today or never, that’s my motto.”

We got to tell our kids last night.

We’re going to Alaska.

The sun has disappeared.

Stolen, perhaps. Or maybe it’s sleeping, on vacation, or vanished into thin air.

Not really, of course, because its morning light enables me to clearly see everything in my backyard.

And yet, I cannot see the sun, the source of the light. I can’t even tell where it might be, because it is hidden by such a dense layer of fog that I can barely see the lake beyond the yard.

I take it as a good reminder for those times when I wonder how much of a difference I am making. It never seems to be as much as I’d like. But maybe the light I put into the world has a bigger reach than I can imagine, even though the source is hidden.

Maybe a print of mine hangs on a wall somewhere, constantly reminding its owner of a story I shared that meant something to them.

And maybe the constant exposure to that art inspires that person — perhaps even subconsciously — to act on the moral of that story in a manner that improves their situation, heals a relationship, or makes an unforgettable memory with someone they love.

Any people on the receiving end of that action would have no idea where the original spark came from. They’d probably never guess that it began years ago at an event when someone heard a speaker who struck a chord and decided to buy some art as a souvenir.

Meanwhile, it’s not required for the art owner to acknowledge or even remember my role in the chain of events for the light I shared way back when to have made a difference.

Just like I don’t have to see the sun to prove its impact.

What’s true about the sun is true about me, and it’s true about you as well.

You may never see the impact of all the light you are sharing in this dark world. You may not receive the warm feelings of a standing ovation or a thank you note for a job well done. You may never get the credit you deserve on this side of eternity.

The difference you make may be invisible.

Keep shining anyway. ☀️

Your light still makes a difference, even if you can’t see it.

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🤔 I wonder…do you have an example of a time you made a difference in someone’s life but only found out years later?

Something awesome happened to you yesterday.

Did you notice it?

Perhaps something epic immediately comes to mind, causing you to think, “Omigosh, how did he know?!”

More likely, it was something a little less epic, but no less awesome. But it may have been overshadowed by an emergency that popped up. Or you might have been distracted by something else that didn’t turn out quite how you’d hoped.

Earlier this year, we hosted a secret meeting of the Wonder & Whimsy Society. We discussed “awesome things” under the premise that we need to be reminded of awesome things to help counter the deluge of negativity that so often rains down from the news and our social media feeds.

I took a cue from the book 1000 Awesome Things and generated my own list. I thought I’d share them here, with a few extras that came from fellow members…

Anticipating something you’re excited about.

Finding yummy leftovers in the fridge that you forgot you had.

Watching movie previews at the theater.

Waking up before your alarm and realizing you have an extra hour to sleep.

The very first bite of anything delicious.

The point of a concert when everyone is singing together.

When a repair bill is way less than you feared.

Making the last payment on a loan.

High-fiving a stranger at a sporting event.

When it’s raining on a morning you get to sleep in.

I’ll admit that it took a little effort to generate a list like this in a world where examples of why life is not-so-awesome are so easy to come by. But here’s the weird thing: The simple act of generating these ideas, and then sharing them later, uplifted my spirit.

Most of these occasions cannot be conjured up at will, which is part of what makes them so precious. They are also pretty fleeting, and if they are even noticed at all, are usually forgotten in a week. (This is where my habit of recording my happiest moment each day comes in handy.)

I can’t claim that one of the items on my list happened to you yesterday. But maybe just reading them sparked a memory that made you smile. And I’ll bet anything that something else worthy of being on this list did.

If you need proof of why the world is not so awesome, watch the news.

If you want a deluge of examples of why your life IS awesome, turn it off and pay attention.

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🤔 I wonder…what is something awesome that happened to you yesterday?

Kim and I recently realized we’ve been living a lie.

Allow me to explain.

Being close to water has always been high on our list of values. We dreamed of living on a lake since our earliest days together. When we lived in Madison and worked toward that goal, we spent a lot of time enjoying the four lakes that embraced the city. When we went on vacation, we faithfully followed a rule: make a point to get a place on the water.

Well, we recently spent a long weekend in Door County, and once we cleared space on the calendar, the next step was securing lodging. Naturally, Kim’s knee-jerk reaction was to start looking for a place on the water.

But then we talked about it. Now that we are fortunate to live on a lake and can enjoy campfires in our own backyard, the importance of renting a place on the water is no longer a high priority.

We realized we were operating with a premise that was no longer true.

Are you currently making choices based on something that used to be true, but is no longer?

Is a goal that drove you in your twenties a little less important now that you have a family, or feels a little less interesting now that you’ve explored it a bit?

Are you spending time or money maintaining something useful ten years ago when the kids were younger, but now no longer need it?

Are you still abiding by a preference that mattered a lot to someone who is no longer in your life?

Are you still volunteering with an organization that no longer aligns with your values or requires more time than you can give in this season of your life?

Does your business still serve a demographic that is no longer a good fit for the current strengths and solutions you offer?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, hear this: it doesn’t mean that your original decisions were wrong. Seasons change. We learn and grow and evolve. We are allowed to change our minds, especially when circumstances change.

In fact, we should.

But we often hold on too long, wasting time and resources on something that is no longer serving us.

Why do we do this?

Sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye to happy seasons of life.

Sometimes it’s hard to move beyond the sunk costs of time, energy, and money we’ve invested.

Sometimes it’s just a habit or routine that’s become a rut because it hasn’t been evaluated in a while.

That was the case for me and Kim.

Realizing that renting a place on the water wasn’t as important gave us more options for lodging that could work, which, not surprisingly, were way more affordable. (Which is good, because the cost of feeding our clan is now much more expensive!)

Granted, our example is pretty pedestrian in the grand scheme of things.

But in any case, the cost of living a lie is always more expensive.

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🤔 I wonder…are you making any choices based on something that used to be true but no longer is?

Once upon a time, there was a couple. They had three kids and a good life. He made his living as an accountant, and she was a doctor, but their real dream was to live on a ranch and breed dogs.

One day, my wife Kim suggested they do that. 

The woman laughed. “It’s not possible,” she said.

And so they didn’t.

The end.

This is a true story, and similar stories just like it are lived out every day.

Of course, the woman was wrong about it not being possible. Oh, she gave a list of reasons, but none of them made the option impossible. Risky, perhaps, or unconventional, or difficult, or impractical, or scary, or all of the above.

But certainly not impossible.

I feel sad for them. Are they settling for comfort? Worried about what other people would think? Afraid of the unknown? Only they know for sure, but they appear resigned to turn down a chance at the literal life of their dreams.

Of course, the choice is theirs.

Unfortunately, the regret they may someday experience will also be theirs.

It’s a shame how willingly we surrender the direction and, ultimately, the outcome of our lives to other people and to rules that don’t exist.

Of course, sometimes we do encounter real, indelible limitations that hold us back from the life of our dreams, but they are far fewer in number than we think. Our opinions, traditions, and customs can be so strong that they feel a lot like moral obligations. But that doesn’t necessarily make them so. We still have a choice.

Hard choices are still choices.

When we are facing hard choices in our own lives, pretending like we don’t have a say in the matter gives us cover by removing the responsibility for the decision. Things didn’t work out? Don’t blame me; I didn’t have a choice.

The truth is, you actually did.

I know men who hate their jobs. But they stay put. They say it’s because they need to act responsibly as the provider for their family, which is honorable. They resolve to stick it out until retirement, or until the kids are grown. Meanwhile, their persistent unhappiness hangs like a black cloud over the entire family.

This is not to say that work is always enjoyable or imminently fulfilling. And should they risk it all by quitting their job in a blaze of glory? Probably not. But is that really the only option? Couldn’t they keep their job while they send their resume to other potential employers? Couldn’t they start a side hustle and see if it has legs? Couldn’t they take some night classes to learn a new skill?

The answers are all “yes,” but none of that is as easy as acting as if you had no choice.

When making decisions, we can be swayed by fear, guilt, practicality, common sense, or simply the force of habit. And those forces can make it seem like we have no say in the matter. But we always do.

Meanwhile, other people have all sorts of opinions about how we should live our lives and are quick to weigh in on what we should or shouldn’t do. Depending on who’s doing the opining, those “shoulds” can feel pretty heavy and unbending.

It’s wise to seek the counsel of our elders, the ones who have seen more things and have been in the fight longer than we have. But ultimately, we are allowed to chart our own path, even if it goes against the wishes of our parents or our peers.

In the times we feel trapped in a life we didn’t sign up for, it’s important to remember that we have more agency over our lives than Adultitis would like us to believe. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “The doors of hell are locked on the inside.”

Maybe the path your heart is urging you toward makes no practical sense.

Maybe it will disappoint someone you care about.

Maybe the chances of success are somewhere between slim and nil.

It might not work. But…what if it does? And what do you lose by not even trying?

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”—John A. Shedd

You only get one life, and at the end of the day, you are the captain of it.

Hard choices are still choices.

Choose wisely.

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🤔 I wonder…what is something difficult you’ve accomplished in your life that seemed impossible at first?

Our fifth Wondernite is in the books. Between that and the Wonder & Whimsy Society Family Reunion we hosted in our backyard the day after, I’m still in introvert recharge mode. I recently discovered that as an Enneagram 5 wing 4, my internal battery is like that of a ten-year-old smartphone: it’s not capable of ever achieving a full charge, and it drains really fast, especially if it’s doing processor-intensive tasks, like streaming video, or, you know, hosting back-to-back live events with hundreds of people.

This week I thought I’d share some thoughts and lessons from “behind the scenes.”

Putting together Wondernite is like planning a wedding, but with lots of painting, writing, photographing, varnishing, and framing involved. There is so much thinking, strategizing, and vendor communication, along with hours of setting up, and it’s all over in a blink. We try to make it as efficient as possible, but it’s still a lot.

🌙 Lesson: Anything worth doing well takes effort. You can make a meal in a microwave, but it’s never as good as a home-cooked meal made from scratch.

Along those lines, I spent two months writing, polishing, and practicing a talk that, technically, I will only give once. Meanwhile, some decisions were made quickly, and other details were completely overlooked. A while ago, I determined that the talk is the most important aspect of the evening. The more effort I put into it, the more likely people will connect with the art, and the more likely they will walk away inspired, uplifted, and encouraged, which is my main goal. It also makes them more likely to return with friends.

🌙 Lesson: It’s important to figure out what’s important and avoid wasting time on stuff that isn’t. Don’t major in the minors.

I said “technically” when I mentioned giving my talk once. Although I will not deliver the same stories in the same way again, I can repurpose the work elsewhere. I can use them in future keynote speeches, depending on the theme and message I’m trying to communicate. I’ll also be sharing each one here in the Insider over the next seven weeks. An art mentor of mine calls this “getting all the meat off the bone.”

🌙 Lesson: The next time you put a lot of effort into creating something, ask yourself, “Now that I have this, what does this make possible?” How can you reuse, recycle, or repurpose work you’ve already done into something else that’s useful?

Wondernite has live and silent auction components, and yes, it’s kind of uncomfortable when an item doesn’t receive even one bid. My son was not happy about it, but I’m used to it because I know that it has nothing to do with me or even my skill as an artist. You never know what will resonate with people. Sometimes somebody falls in love with a work you don’t much care for or a painting you knocked out in an afternoon as an afterthought. Sometimes, no one looks twice at a piece you think is your masterpiece. And yes, sometimes you think a painting will strike a chord…and it does! (Like “Not a Morning Person,” seen above.)

🌙 Lesson: No matter what you’re in the process of creating — whether it’s a painting, a new initiative at work, or a lesson plan for a classroom of students — the results are not in your hands. You don’t get to decide on how other people respond. All you can do is the best you can do with what you have.

With an event like this, it’s hard to decide what success looks like. The obvious measuring stick is money. How much revenue did we generate? Was it profitable? I’m still sorting through the numbers, but it looks like we edged out last year, which is great. But…should I feel disappointed that we didn’t exceed it by a greater number? What about profit? Well, on paper, we made a lot more than we spent. But that doesn’t factor in labor, which one could argue makes it ridiculously unprofitable and a complete waste of time. But then again, how does one measure the satisfaction of seeing the smiles, laughs, tears, and heartfelt thank yous that emerged from an event you created and art you made with your own two hands? Hmmm…now that’s a little harder to put a price tag on.

🌙 Lesson:  I had the pleasure of attending a speech by Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s Pizza and former owner of the Detroit Tigers, and he said he knows a lot of very unhappy billionaires. Success comes in many different flavors. You get to decide what success looks like for you, and you don’t have to settle for the default setting.

In more ways than one, Wondernite is a dream come true and a success on many fronts. Thank you to everyone who attended, participated in the online auction, and helped behind the scenes to make it happen!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a nap.

Things that aren’t supposed to happen are happening all the time. 

One such happening was the construction of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, which my family had the chance to visit this summer. Its very existence was considered an impossibility by some very smart people.

The Arch was dreamed up by architect Eero Saarinen in 1947 as part of a design competition to build a monument to the westward expansion of the United States. Although his design won unanimously, construction did not begin until 16 years later, in 1963.

There were many reasons for the delay, including funding challenges and lawsuits. Based on the political gridlock alone, one could hardly have been blamed for doubting the success of the project. However, many experts even doubted whether the design itself was feasible.

The use of stainless steel as the primary material for the arch was a novel concept at the time. Concerns were raised about the durability and construction methods required to use it to build such a large structure. The idea of building such a tall and slender free-standing arch had never been attempted before, leading to doubts about its structural integrity and stability. The arch’s height and shape meant that precise engineering and construction techniques were essential to prevent collapse during and after construction.

These significant challenges caused many people to believe that although Saarinen had a beautiful design, it was not going to work in the real world.

There were many hurdles in the construction of the Gateway Arch, but the biggest obstacles may have been the ones in people’s minds.

Keep in mind that the doubters were not just random citizens. They were smart, well-educated engineers with very good reasons for their skepticism. They most certainly believed they were right. And yet…

…they were wrong.

Educated guesses can only take you so far. Even the very educated ones.

Sometimes the meteorologist forecasts it will rain, and it doesn’t.

Sometimes the polls and pundits are spectacularly wrong about the outcome of an election.

Sometimes the team that sportswriters unanimously agree is far superior ends up losing the game.

Sometimes the medical expert who gives a patient two months to live is off by decades.

It was predicted that 13 people would lose their lives in the process of building The Arch. No doubt, at 630 feet tall, it was a perilous undertaking. But in the end, not one life was lost.

On any given day, it seems self-evident that current events are pointing to an inevitable outcome. It’s worth remembering that when the Soviet Union was at the height of its power, World War III looked inevitable. And yet the empire ultimately crumbled without a single missile being fired.

The only thing we can be sure of is that the future will be filled with things we never saw coming.

So what is there for us to learn from the experts Eero Saarinen and his construction team proved wrong?

First, don’t get too cocky about your own educated guesses. You think you know what the future holds? Your life could change forever in a heartbeat.

And secondly, don’t let the educated guesses of others thwart your plans or rob you of hope. Parents, politicians, pundits, pop stars, and well-educated professionals of all stripes are more than willing to opine on your future. They might well be experts.

But they might also be wrong.

Things that aren’t supposed to happen are happening all the time. 

If you’re planning to travel this summer, are you taking a trip or a vacation?

One isn’t necessarily better than the other, but it’s worth making the distinction.

A trip is a type of travel with an agenda. There are scheduled events to plan for. Places to be or people to see. Lots of moving around. Trips can be exciting and fun and fulfilling, but they don’t usually leave you feeling rested. If you’ve ever returned from someplace and said, “I need another vacation to recover from my vacation,” you weren’t on a vacation. You were on a trip.

A vacation is much less regimented. Aside from a few planned activities, your agenda is more wide open. It’s more relaxed. There is nowhere you have to be. This type of travel doesn’t usually have an abundance of photos or adventure stories to share, and often feels like you did a whole lot of nothing, but you return home refreshed.

Our family went to Yellowstone National Park for a week. We did a lot of driving, stopping, looking, and hiking. There wasn’t a whole lot of time just “being.” We saw things we’d never seen before and came back tired, with a hard drive filled with photos and heads overflowing with stories. It was great. But it was definitely a trip. A visit to Disney World or a pilgrimage to Rome is also a trip.

Later that year, we went to Hawaii. I had a speaking engagement in Honolulu, and we spent a few days there (a trip) before hopping over to Kauai for a week (a vacation). We gave ourselves permission to not do and see everything the island had to offer, opting instead for long stretches of beach time. There was less movement, lots of sleeping in, fewer “have to’s,” and not nearly as many photos. But we filled our cups and came back rejuvenated.

[ An aside: Some may presume or argue that travel with kids is always a trip, not a vacation. I find this generally true, but I recall a few treks to Florida when the kids were very young, when the bulk of our time was spent on the beach, playing in the sand, and tricking the waves. Kim and I left work at home, relaxed our expectations, focused on enjoying the little ones, and sipped tropical drinks when they went to bed. It was quite restorative. On the other hand, the subsequent cross-country road trip to the Grand Canyon a few years later was fun, but undoubtedly a trip. ]

Of course, it’s possible to take a vacation in Yellowstone or turn Hawaii into a trip. And everybody has varied personal preferences when it comes to how we recharge our batteries.

The point is, there’s a definite distinction between a trip and a vacation.

The problem is when you take one but expect (or need) the other.

Before I realized the distinction, I found it tempting to resent a trip I went on because it didn’t turn out to be a vacation. Which totally discounted all the cool things I experienced. Likewise, finding yourself disappointed with a vacation because it didn’t have the adventure of a trip can also be frustrating.

So if you’re in the process of making some travel plans this summer, be mindful of whether you need a trip or a vacation.

And if something is already on the calendar, determine whether it’s a trip or a vacation in advance to set proper expectations, minimize Adultitis, and make the most of the opportunity in front of you.

Happy travels!