The Messy Adventure of Parenthood

October 5, 2009: Lucy and I were downstairs changing the laundry. As she crawled around the floor, I noticed a dark mark on her shirt, at the small of her back. As any baby’s parent will tell you, this is not something to be ignored. The location meant only one thing: blowout. This was not your ordinary full diaper… I knew it was going to be a fun one when I lifted her shirt and the first thing I saw was a chunk of food – maybe a pea or a part of a bean. Yikes! Fun on the changing table was sure to be had.

Little did I know that this was just the start of a very unforgettable 15 minutes with Lucy.

Since I was in the midst of laundry, I thought that I might as well take her clothes off and add them to the wash. So, I stripped her down. Wait a second, I hesitate to mention this, but in full disclosure I should also tell you that right before I noticed Lucy’s spot o’ stink, I remembered that I needed to wash my bra, which I was currently wearing. Isn’t that always how it goes, ladies?! So, I decided that I would simply take it off and stick it in the load of whites I was doing. No biggie…

So, back to the story…Lucy and I (both shirtless) walked upstairs to take care of the nasty diaper. It definitely ranked up there in the top 5 of terrible blowouts. Since it was going to be a bath night anyway, I made the executive decision to get her in that warm water right away. I said to Lucy, “Girl, I don’t normally let you run around naked, but you can go without peeing for 2 minutes, right?” (This is foreshadowing, for those of you not sure where this story is going.)

So I quickly ran and grabbed a different bra – enough was enough with the no shirt business. I got the bath going, and when Lucy (being the smart girl that she is) heard the water, she quickly toddled to the bathroom to check out the happenings. As I was putting on my bra, Lucy was standing at the tub, naked as a jaybird…and all of a sudden I saw that the floor was quickly being covered in liquid…potty!! I hurried to finish hooking my bra, but not fast enough. In that millisecond, Lucy also noticed the liquid dribbling down her leg and moved to avoid it, losing her footing on the wet floor. She wiped out, hitting her head on the ceramic tile.

Tears! Tears! And more tears!

She was lying in pee, and the bathtub water was starting to overflow. I picked her up and comforted her. Mind you, I did manage to get the bra on, but no shirt. Oh yes, and urine was definitely everywhere at that point.

And so…I laughed! What a picture of my life right now. Could it get any crazier? I sat on the bathroom floor and kissed her little head (which was fine), and, as I assessed my strategy for clean-up/recovery, I looked over to notice…

Poop on my arm.

What a messy adventure parenthood is!

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This post is an excerpt from our new book, Just You Wait, a collection of insightful, humorous, and totally unvarnished journal entries detailing our adventures in fighting Adultitis as first-time parents. Parents of all sorts – and especially first-timers – will enjoy the honest look at the roller coaster ride that is parenting. Buy it now!