I used to be so smug about not being a meth head.Kim and I have been watching the series Breaking Bad, about a mild-mannered high school science teacher with a cancer diagnosis who gradually descends into a life of crime as a ruthless player in the local methamphetamine drug trade. Good times.The psychology behind the choices that the characters make and consequences that come from them are fascinating, not to mention the look into the dark underbelly of the drug economy. During scenes that show people in the deepest throes of addiction, I’ve noticed myself judging the junkies.How stupid could a person be? What did they think would happen? What a loser...But I've come to consider that perhaps we are all addicted to something.Drugs and alcohol are the most obvious, along with porn, gambling, food, and tobacco. But we can also be addicted to attention, validation, drama, status, and even busyness.For example, I often find myself caught keeping up on the news. I browse my go-to sites and …
Never Graduate
What does it mean to graduate?It’s an accomplishment, a milestone that marks the completion of one part of a journey. Our common understanding of it usually involves an academic degree or diploma.But too often, it’s also just the end. Full stop.About a quarter of American adults (24%) say they haven’t read a book in whole or in part in the past year, whether in print, electronic or audio form. Other research shows that 47% of Americans didn't take all of their vacation time last year and 21% "left more than five vacation days on the table." That's time that could have been enjoying a new experience or exploring another city, state or country for the first time. Too often we associate learning as something we have to endure, and that it happens in certain places (schools and universities), and at certain times (also known as the “school year”). But learning is not something that stops during the summer, or after you walk across the stage with a funny hat to receive a diploma. A rich, …
The Best Time to Start
I received an email from a young man looking for advice. He recently graduated from the “comfort blanket of college and chucked towards the open jaws of real life.” He was hoping to receive some advice for young people in his situation to make the world outside not seem so threatening and overwhelming.The first step is to understand that although the world can be very overwhelming and threatening, it is also amazing and magical and overflowing with opportunity.The problem is that when confronted with uncertainty and overwhelm, most people hide under the false security of the status quo. We believe that if we get in line, do what we're told, and play by the rules, everything will be ok. But that life only seems safe. Trusting the outcome of your story to someone else?Now that's risky.My advice to young adults is to start chasing that dream now and stay the course. It will be hard, yes, but it only gets harder later. You have the advantage of naïveté and passion and low overhead and very …
This Post Makes No Sense
We like to pretend that we are rational creatures. That’s cute.In his book, Predictably Irrational, behavioral economist Dan Ariely digs deep into the reasons why smart people make irrational decisions every day. It’s a fascinating read, and proof that we are not as logical as we think we are.Logic is the default mode of Adulthood. We pride ourselves on being rational and realistic.Children, however, do not shy away from the illogical, irrational, and (seemingly) unrealistic.The reason I think we grown-ups should be more like kids goes beyond making our lives more fun (although that’s a great by-product). It’s because it can help us solve big problems and achieve our most important goals.Another book that has gotten me fired up about this recently comes from advertising legend Rory Sutherland. In Alchemy: The Dark Art and Curious Science of Creating Magic in Brands, Business, and Life, Sutherland argues that logic and rational thinking are not always the best way to solve our most …
Just The Way You Are
I recently had a speaking engagement in Pittsburgh. While there, I was able to visit the Heinz History Center, where they have a collection of props and set pieces from the television show Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, including King Friday’s Castle and X the Owl’s tree. Like many, I have been greatly impacted by the work and life of Fred Rogers. As we perused the gift shop, I was looking for a magnet to add to my big yellow tool chest in my studio. There were a number of options to choose from, each featuring different sentiments. The one I was most drawn to, and ultimately bought, was a pink one that said, “I like you just the way you are.” Although there were others I liked better in terms of design, I felt like this one had the message I most need to hear.I consider myself a confident person, but I often find myself focusing on the areas I fall short, wishing I was more this or more that. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more extroverted.I definitely wish I was handier …
What to Do About The Weeds in Your Life
If you’ve ever been to one of my speaking programs, there's a good chance you’ve seen me share this artwork.Recently, a person came up to me after a talk, and under her breath, sheepishly admitted, “I’m sorry, but they’re still weeds to me.”I thought that was interesting, especially because I never actually said they weren’t. Dandelions are, at least horticulturally speaking, weeds. But they are also, according to most four-year-olds, wishes. (And flowers for Mom.)The thing is, challenges are like weeds. Once a challenge has sprung up in your life, pretending that it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it true. A field of dandelions may very well represent a million weeds, but it can also represent a million wishes. It's both. The power comes in deciding which viewpoint you choose to adopt. The key word is CHOOSE.Basically, that’s what my book, A Chance of Awesome, is all about. It’s not about living in a magical fairy land pretending our problems don’t exist. (I’ve found that usually only …
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How to Make Your Dreams Come True Faster
We recently surprised the kids by taking them to see Disney’s live-action remake of Aladdin. (All five of us give it two thumbs up.) Us grown-ups can see a movie like that, a fantastical tale of magic lamps and genies and three wishes, and acknowledge it as a work of fiction. And yet, when our own dreams don’t come true as fast as it takes a blue-skinned genie to snap his fingers, we think something is wrong. Ok, maybe we don’t expect our dreams to come true the instant we wish for them, but I know there have been times in my life when the realization of a dream seemed to be in slow motion. It felt as other people were making things happen left and right, while I was stuck in neutral. The truth is, most dreams – especially the worthwhile ones – take longer to materialize than we think they will. The enthusiasm that accompanies us in the beginning is important. It is the rocket fuel that propels us forward, getting us to take that first step. But eventually, after the empty …
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Set In Stone: Lessons from an Old Savannah Cemetery
Worn down gravestone in Colonial Park Cemetery, Savannah, GA. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with making a difference in the world. The bigger impact, the better.But the question I’ve come to wrestle with is, how does one measure the impact one’s made?Kim and I recently celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary in Savannah. It’s one of the most charming and unique cities in the United States. A highlight was walking through the Colonial Park Cemetery in the heart of the Historical District. Established in 1750, it's the oldest intact municipal cemetery in Savannah. I just love old crypts and gravestones. A number of them were worn down by history, with some engraved letters barely visible, others already lost forever. It struck me that normally, when we say something is “set in stone,” we consider it permanent. As these burial markers can attest...not exactly.Our lives are fleeting, and our actions can seem even more so. In a world pre-occupied …
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Finding Magic When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned
Life rarely coooperates in delivering the perfection we plan for. The good news is that it doesn’t have to ruin the story. Last week, my family made our annual family pilgrimage to Wrigley Field. Even though it was a bit chilly, the sky was clear and the game was fun. Only problem was the home team lost to the rival Brewers. Afterwards, we hit the gift shop and I let the kids pick out brand new Cubs hats. They each chose one that fit their personality perfectly (my youngest, who goes by "Rose," found one with little flowers on it!), and we got to take a photo wearing them next to the 2016 World Series trophy. My son’s old hat has quite a history. Kim purchased it a few years before we were even married. She had written the name of our favorite boy’s name at the time (Andy) on the inside label. Fast forward to now, and that hat is incredibly faded, rimmed with sweat stains, and ridiculously small for my son’s seven-year-old noggin. The original inside label is …
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Managing by Magic 8 Ball
The leader of an organization was preparing for a long overdue two-week vacation. He had spent a month preparing for his absence by setting up systems and training his second-in-command to step up while he was gone. But still, his protégé was nervous. She proposed several hypothetical scenarios, wondering how she should respond. The leader calmly explained the processes he set up to handle each situation. “Don’t worry, you’ve got this,” he reassured her. “But, if you find yourself in a spot where you don’t know what to do, let me show you something I rely on in situations like that.” He led her into his office, and grabbed a Magic 8-Ball from his desk. “If you’re stuck, just state your issue in the form of a yes or no question, shake this, and do whatever it says.” She looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face. "By the way," he said, "If it says to ask again later, just give it a little time before trying again.” The young employee wondered aloud, “But …
