Parenthood

- - - | written by Jason on 10/27/2019 | - - -

The Easiest Way Leave a Powerful Legacy

Mr. Olsen had written a series of math problems across several chalkboards. The avalanche of white scribbles was overwhelming, but not impossible. “Anyone who gets them all correct,” he told his fifth grade class, “will get a sucker.” Sheryl was one of five students who were up to the task. Unfortunately, the teacher said he only had four suckers, and was forced to ask if anyone would be willing to give up theirs. Sheryl said she would. Mr. Olsen thanked her, and proceeded with the rest of the school day.Before the students were dismissed that afternoon, Mr. Olsen asked Sheryl to stay after school so he could talk to her. She’d never been asked stay after school, and she was terrified!After all the other students exited the classroom. Mr. Olsen asked Sheryl to have a seat at his desk. He pulled open the bottom drawer and withdrew a whole, unopened bag of suckers and presented it to her. With a look of shock across her face, Mr. Olsen said, "Sheryl, what you did today was very generous …

- - - | written by Jason on 10/20/2019 | - - -

No Joke: The Life-Changing Lesson I Learned From Joker

So I saw Joker. Normally, I avoid sad movies that I know will have sad endings. (I still haven’t seen Schindler’s List or any 9-11 movies for this reason.) I don’t want to spoil anything, but I think it’s fairly obvious that the titular character doesn’t opt for a career spreading joy and goodwill entertaining children at birthday parties. Still, I do love a good backstory and was drawn in by the superhero movie vibe. Of course, Joker is no superhero movie and is not suitable for children. It is disturbing and intense. I have also come to see it as beautifully-crafted documentary on the mental health crisis, brilliantly disguised as a mainstream movie about the origins of a pop culture supervillan. My hope is that the hype and success of this movie will start new dialogues around the mental health issues that have bubbled up in our country. Between the increase of mass shootings in schools and public places, to the homelessness epidemic invading our large cities, something …

- - - | written by Jason on 10/13/2019 | - - -

The Magic of Making Deposits

Making deposits: eating cheeseburgers, playing mini-golf, and engaging in man-to-man conversations with The Boy. Try this: Starting today, stop making deposits into your checking account. But continue writing checks to pay your bills. What happens when you write a check the day after your money runs out? It's pretty easy to see the financial lesson here. What’s interesting is that we can apply the same lesson to relationships. So many parents tell me what a struggle it is to get their kids to do anything. They always have to get after them to get up and ready for school, do their homework, eat their vegetables, pick up after themselves, look presentable for church, etc. It’s exhausting! Parenting is no joke, and continues to be the biggest challenge I’ve ever encountered. I’d like to share an idea – it felt like a magic trick – I got from my wife when our kids were very young: You can’t expect to make withdrawals from your kids if you haven’t made any …

- - - | written by Jason on 7/28/2019 | - - -

Messes Make the Best Memories

"The Peach." 12"x12" oil on canvas. Buy this print. Eating a peach, in season, perfectly ripe, is pure magic. But also messy. Oh, sure, you can eat peaches before they’re ripe and they might drip less, but they’re not nearly as good. The best peaches are always messy. Now I’ll admit it: I prefer tidy. I like the structure of a good plan. I feel good when the dishes are done and the counter is cleared. I’m easily disturbed when piles stay piles for too long. Is that an Adultitis-fueled trait? Perhaps. But I do find that I am more present, relaxed, and creative when clutter and chaos are minimized. In general, I don’t think it’s a terrible trait to have. And I don’t believe that an Adultitis-free life is one that disregards any sense of order. But I still remember the day we let our oldest daughter take control of her own ice cream cone for the first time. It was a beautiful Madison summer afternoonand we were hanging out at the Memorial Union, overlooking picturesque …

- - - | written by Jason on 9/30/2018 | - - -

How Many Licks?

"How Many Licks?" by Jason Kotecki. 30 x 24. Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? A commercial that appeared on TV when I was a child asked that very question. It turns out that a number of folks have tried to get to the bottom of this. A group of engineering students from Purdue University built a licking machine, modeled after a human tongue, and determined that it took an average of 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. A chemical engineering student from the University of Michigan built his own licking machine and recorded that his required 411 licks. And a group of junior high school students ditched machines in favor of human lickers, and reported an average of 144 licks. Apparently, the world really may never know how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. I remember the first time I took my …

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- - - | written by Jason on 7/8/2018 | - - -

Are You Leading the League?

With the Major League Baseball season heading into the All-Star break, a quick glance at the statistical leaders reveals that I am not leading the National League (or the American League, for that matter) in home runs. Truthfully, I’m not even close. Of course, there is one important detail that probably matters somewhat: I don’t actually play professional baseball. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s pretty ridiculous to beat myself up for not leading the league in home runs if I’m not a professional baseball player. And yet we regularly feel bad about ourselves for being lousy at games we’re not even playing. Weird. Just because we don’t think of them as "games" in the same way we think of baseball as a game, doesn't mean we haven't devised ways to keep score at the activities in which we participate. Rather than tracking home runs, we measure things like money, body weight, square footage, degrees, status, accolades, connections, sales, prestige, and fame. For instance, …

- - - | written by Jason on 11/26/2017 | - - -

Stuff vs. Experiences

This past January, as the ho ho hos of the holiday season abruptly transitioned to the ho ho hums of winter, I came across this abandoned television on a walk around the neighborhood. (Sad face added by me.) No doubt this technological marvel was the highlight of some Christmas past, but there it sat on the side of the road, amidst dirty piles of old snow, valueless. Here’s a what I wrote then: The beauty of the light from a hundred candles in a darkened church on Christmas Eve, the afternoon spent together covered in flour while baking snickerdoodles, tucking some deliriously excited but exhausted kids into bed after a late night at Grandma’s; these moments that rush by too fast — rudely neglecting to warn us of their importance as they go — are more valuable than a million big screen TVs. Indeed, the intangible things grow more valuable every passing year. We usually wish we had savored them more when we had the chance. In many ways, this year will be the same as the last: …

- - - | written by Jason on 11/12/2017 | - - -

The Magic Question That Will Make You The Most Innovative Person You Know

The world is changing at an ever-increasing pace. Meanwhile, most of us are being asked to do more with less. The answer to a prosperous and glorious future, it seems, is innovation. That’s all well and good, except for the fact that innovation is often regarded as one step away from sorcery. It is reserved for the super smart, super creative, or super inhabitants of Silicon Valley. Hogwash. You can be more innovative, right now, today. (I don't care if you are reading this in your pajamas or your hair looks like it just took on a tornado.) The dictionary tells us that innovation is merely the introduction of a new and better method, idea or thing. That's it. So yeah, the iPhone was a pretty ginormous innovation. But you know what else was? The person who came up with the idea to put tennis balls on walkers. Apparently they add value somehow, because every walker I've ever seen has one on each leg. Contrary to popular belief, innovation can be easy, but only if you …

- - - | written by Jason on 9/10/2017 | - - -

Did You Know Your Car Has This Weird Standard Feature?

"Follow No Maps" by Jason Kotecki. Made with Photoshop. Prints and other goodies featuring this image available here. I was talking to a woman after one of my speaking engagements and she told me about an unusual bug her car possessed. She explained that sometimes, while she was driving with her kids in tow, her car would suddenly take on a life of its own. There was nothing she could do to control the direction it was headed. No matter how hard she jerked the steering wheel left, if the vehicle wanted to turn right, it went right, with the kids erupting into a frenzy of excited, anxious squeals. The woman explained that there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for the erratic behavior. Sometimes it would happen after school, other times after a long day of chores. The most interesting part of the story is where the car ended up. Without exception, the destination was always an ice cream shop. At that point, the beleaguered mom admitted that it only seemed right to order …

- - - | written by Jason on 9/3/2017 | - - -

What To Do When All The Leaders Stink

For the past seven years, I have had the privilege of doing a program on life balance with young leaders in the field of civil engineering. We talk a lot about the different demands that come from balancing an upwardly mobile career path with a family and other relationships. A lot of venting takes place about the "old guard” and how out of touch some of the senior parters are at some firms. It’s always a fascinating discussion that I enjoy facilitating. Leadership is an interesting thing. The leaders of your country, your boss, and those people on the school board might all very well be nincompoops. Not much you can do about that, I suppose. But instead of whining about your superiors and the people in charge, it might be more useful to think about the people looking up to you. I’m talking about your kids, your grandkids, as well as anyone you might be responsible for at work. What do they see in YOU? What kind of decisions do they see you making? What priorities do …