With the Major League Baseball season heading into the All-Star break, a quick glance at the statistical leaders reveals that I am not leading the National League (or the American League, for that matter) in home runs. Truthfully, I’m not even close. Of course, there is one important detail that probably matters somewhat: I don’t actually play professional baseball. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s pretty ridiculous to beat myself up for not leading the league in home runs if I’m not a professional baseball player. And yet we regularly feel bad about ourselves for being lousy at games we’re not even playing. Weird. Just because we don’t think of them as "games" in the same way we think of baseball as a game, doesn't mean we haven't devised ways to keep score at the activities in which we participate. Rather than tracking home runs, we measure things like money, body weight, square footage, degrees, status, accolades, connections, sales, prestige, and fame. For instance, …
Stuff vs. Experiences
This past January, as the ho ho hos of the holiday season abruptly transitioned to the ho ho hums of winter, I came across this abandoned television on a walk around the neighborhood. (Sad face added by me.) No doubt this technological marvel was the highlight of some Christmas past, but there it sat on the side of the road, amidst dirty piles of old snow, valueless. Here’s a what I wrote then: The beauty of the light from a hundred candles in a darkened church on Christmas Eve, the afternoon spent together covered in flour while baking snickerdoodles, tucking some deliriously excited but exhausted kids into bed after a late night at Grandma’s; these moments that rush by too fast — rudely neglecting to warn us of their importance as they go — are more valuable than a million big screen TVs. Indeed, the intangible things grow more valuable every passing year. We usually wish we had savored them more when we had the chance. In many ways, this year will be the same as the last: …
The Magic Question That Will Make You The Most Innovative Person You Know
The world is changing at an ever-increasing pace. Meanwhile, most of us are being asked to do more with less. The answer to a prosperous and glorious future, it seems, is innovation. That’s all well and good, except for the fact that innovation is often regarded as one step away from sorcery. It is reserved for the super smart, super creative, or super inhabitants of Silicon Valley. Hogwash. You can be more innovative, right now, today. (I don't care if you are reading this in your pajamas or your hair looks like it just took on a tornado.) The dictionary tells us that innovation is merely the introduction of a new and better method, idea or thing. That's it. So yeah, the iPhone was a pretty ginormous innovation. But you know what else was? The person who came up with the idea to put tennis balls on walkers. Apparently they add value somehow, because every walker I've ever seen has one on each leg. Contrary to popular belief, innovation can be easy, but only if you …
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Did You Know Your Car Has This Weird Standard Feature?
"Follow No Maps" by Jason Kotecki. Made with Photoshop. Prints and other goodies featuring this image available here. I was talking to a woman after one of my speaking engagements and she told me about an unusual bug her car possessed. She explained that sometimes, while she was driving with her kids in tow, her car would suddenly take on a life of its own. There was nothing she could do to control the direction it was headed. No matter how hard she jerked the steering wheel left, if the vehicle wanted to turn right, it went right, with the kids erupting into a frenzy of excited, anxious squeals. The woman explained that there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for the erratic behavior. Sometimes it would happen after school, other times after a long day of chores. The most interesting part of the story is where the car ended up. Without exception, the destination was always an ice cream shop. At that point, the beleaguered mom admitted that it only seemed right to order …
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What To Do When All The Leaders Stink
For the past seven years, I have had the privilege of doing a program on life balance with young leaders in the field of civil engineering. We talk a lot about the different demands that come from balancing an upwardly mobile career path with a family and other relationships. A lot of venting takes place about the "old guard” and how out of touch some of the senior parters are at some firms. It’s always a fascinating discussion that I enjoy facilitating. Leadership is an interesting thing. The leaders of your country, your boss, and those people on the school board might all very well be nincompoops. Not much you can do about that, I suppose. But instead of whining about your superiors and the people in charge, it might be more useful to think about the people looking up to you. I’m talking about your kids, your grandkids, as well as anyone you might be responsible for at work. What do they see in YOU? What kind of decisions do they see you making? What priorities do …
What I Learned From Charles Ingalls (This Week)
Our family loves watching Little House on the Prairie. As a homeschoolers, it has been a great way to discuss some pretty big topics with our kids, like alcoholism, racism, bullying, and more. (Confession: I want to be Charles Ingalls when I grow up!) We just finished season four. In the final two episodes (which TV Guide put on its 100 Greatest Episodes of All Time list), the big railroad companies were flexing their muscle to gain more power, engaging in questionable tactics that were putting farmers in rural areas out of business. Walnut Grove, the town where the Ingalls family lived, was rapidly dying. It was a big deal. Livelihoods were drying up, businesses were closing, and desperate people had to abandon their homes in search of new opportunities. But Landon’s character, Charles — a farmer with a lot to lose — couldn't have cared less. He'd just found out his oldest daughter was going blind. Weeks earlier, the economic catastrophe would have rocked his world. But as …
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A Tale of Two Blue Shoes
At three years old going on twenty-two with pink hair and arms wrapped in tattoos, my daughter Virginia keeps us on our toes. A few weeks ago, she decided she wanted to wear two different shoes. To church. To her credit, they were both blue. The logic was sound. She dug one shoe out of the closet, but failed to find the match, so she grabbed another nearby shoe and put that on. Problem solved. Kim and I appraised the situation and looked at each other. Ginny appeared determined. A fight to conform to a more standard footwear choice would likely ensue. Not that we're pushovers, but we both paused to consider whether this was a fight worth picking. Then it occurred to me that literally the ONLY reason we'd push the envelope is because of concern about what other people would think of our parenting. After all, what kind of incompetence is required to allow your child to show up in church wearing two different shoes? Are we clueless? Careless? Mentally ill? Lacking …
Saying Yes to Piggy Back Rides
One of Adultitis’ best tricks — and the one that trips me up the most — is getting us to believe that the most important things in life are merely distractions. My youngest daughter routinely asks me for piggy back rides. Most of the time I say yes. But sometimes I'm tired, or want to keep reading the book I just opened five seconds ago. And sometimes I’m too focused on the latest pet project that I'm convinced will deliver a windfall of profit and impact. The justification for brushing off this minor “distraction” of my daughter pestering me for a piggy back ride is that, in the end, this effort will bear fruit that will benefit us all. If I’m not careful, this so-called “drive” rockets me right by the stuff that really matters. Don’t get me wrong. Piggy back rides don’t pay the bills. Little worthwhile is accomplished without focus, hard work, and sacrifice. The challenge is how easy it is for this to become our default mode. Like a Ferrari flying down the highway, all …
When Was Your Last Unscripted Adventure?
Nature and kids. It’s a magical combination. I treasure memories from my own childhood, ones like rolling down that huge hill at Allen Park next to the Illinois River, and climbing the tree in my front yard on Shady Lane, with grandiose plans to spend the whole afternoon there. These memories get richer with the years, don’t they? One of my deepest longings as a parent is to provide these magical moments for our kids. I’m finding that with all things in life, when I give, I end up receiving way more than I ever imagined possible. This little story illustrates the gift my kids gave me, when I gave them an hour on the lake. We are blessed to live a half mile from Lake Mendota, Madison’s largest lake. It’s a magical land of ice and snow right now. The kids are enthralled by this paradise (and so am I). We had my nephew over for a sleepover recently so we were all proud to show him our lake. I was radically moved by our unscripted adventure. Did you know if you scream …
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Mom Gives Adult Children Unusual Christmas Gifts
I met a fifty-something-year-old guy after my presentation at a conference in Minnesota earlier this year. He told me, "My mom believed that her kids should always get a toy from her for Christmas, no matter how..." I expected him to finish the sentence with, “...no matter how poor we were.” But he surprised me instead with, “...no matter how old we are.” To this day, along with other gifts, she still gets each of her adult children a toy for Christmas. I wish she would have been there, for I would have liked to give her a hug. It takes a wise woman to know that no matter how old a person gets, they carry all the ages they’ve ever been with them. The wide-eyed, fun-loving child inside lives forever. Although that childlike spirit can be neglected throughout the year, Christmas is the perfect time to reconnect with the hope, wonder, and joy we were filled with as children. I asked the gentleman what his mother got him last year. "A Lego set,” he …
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