It was like driving through a sea of black ink. The trip back to our hotel from the Lamar Valley was harrowing. It being Yellowstone, the specter of animals hanging out on the road is always a possibility. We'd reveled in the wildlife of the North American Serengeti, but now the sun was gone and darkness blanketed the winding way home. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel and Kim's clear anxiety was less than helpful. We snaked around curve after curve, my eyes peeled for any signs of movement. Then we saw it: a small coyote trotting down the middle of the road. As we came upon …
Love Is In The Air
This painting is called "Love is in the Air." Our eyes draw us to the billowing steam from the geyser forming the shape of a heart. Indeed, it is a fitting representation of the way most of our society views love. Like the steam, it is a little mysterious, always changing, and dependent on which way the wind is blowing. Love is regarded as a fleeting feeling evident on a wedding day but which vanishes at some point in the ensuing years when life gets hard. I would like to invite us to look for a different, better metaphor for true love in this painting. Like the bison. The bison …
How to Turn the Tide Against Adultitis
Your team is in bad shape. Here you are in the playoffs, and you're losing. Even though you're somehow only down by six points, nothing is going right. You were flying high earlier in the game, leading by two scores. Everything was clicking. And then... A turnover and two huge penalties gave your opponent some easy scores. None of the plays you're calling are working. Your best running back got injured and is out for the game. Your players are growing more discouraged as each second melts off the clock. Now the other team has the ball and they're driving down the field. If they score a …
Tinkering: The Missing Piece in Your Problem-Solving Toolkit
Imagine sitting at your kitchen table with a thousand puzzle pieces scattered before you. A small island of interconnected pieces has taken shape. They were easy—the only face in the whole scene. You reach for a piece that looks like it could be part of the person's hair. After rotating it and testing the fit a few times, you confirm it's not the right one. Then, angered that it didn't work, you toss the entire table over in a furious rage. With pieces flying in every direction, you swear off jigsaw puzzles forever, convince yourself you stink at them, and remind yourself that you always …
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A Ridiculously Easy Way to Rekindle a Friendship
"I Just Called to Say I Love You" is a famous Stevie Wonder song. It's also the title of this painting. One word in that title might be more important than all the others. We'll get to that in a sec. When my wife Kim and I were dating, we'd spend hours and hours on the phone, talking late into the night, racking up phone bills that if bound together, would make the longest Harry Potter book look like a pamphlet. This was in the days when phones were attached to walls and the "call waiting" feature was a source of civil war for any siblings also angling for phone rights. My personal …
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How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving
My young traveling companion poked me on the elbow with a request I didn't see coming. From the moment Kim and I made the decision to move ahead with taking Ginny on her first Daddy Daughter trip despite the storm that had wrought havoc on our home, my mind was in overdrive. From forcing it to focus on what needed to land in my suitcase, to finding a gas station that had power so we could refuel, to asking the gate agent if he could make sure our seats were together, my brain was busy anticipating and solving every challenge that presented itself on our journey to …
How Real Love is Like a Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Everyone thinks the excitement that accompanies the start of a relationship is the best. Granted, it IS intoxicating. Everything is new and mysterious. You’re wondering if the other person just likes you or actually "likes you" likes you. A simple touch ignites an inferno of passion. There’s so much to talk about as you’re constantly learning new things about one another. That way he chews, and that way she steals your jacket when she’s cold, is still cute and endearing. There’s no doubt about it: The beginning of a new relationship is pretty great. But then again, in the …
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The Easiest Way Leave a Powerful Legacy
Mr. Olsen had written a series of math problems across several chalkboards. The avalanche of white scribbles was overwhelming, but not impossible. “Anyone who gets them all correct,” he told his fifth grade class, “will get a sucker.” Sheryl was one of five students who were up to the task. Unfortunately, the teacher said he only had four suckers, and was forced to ask if anyone would be willing to give up theirs. Sheryl said she would. Mr. Olsen thanked her, and proceeded with the rest of the school day.Before the students were dismissed that afternoon, Mr. Olsen asked Sheryl to stay after …
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The Magic of Making Deposits
Try this: Starting today, stop making deposits into your checking account. But continue writing checks to pay your bills. What happens when you write a check the day after your money runs out? It's pretty easy to see the financial lesson here. What’s interesting is that we can apply the same lesson to relationships. So many parents tell me what a struggle it is to get their kids to do anything. They always have to get after them to get up and ready for school, do their homework, eat their vegetables, pick up after themselves, look presentable for church, etc. It’s …
Walk Your Way to a Better Marriage
Kim and I doing one of our favorite things: walking. We’ve been walking since our earliest days together, back when we couldn’t afford to run the air conditioning in our apartment and a trip to Pizza Hut was a real splurge. Over nineteen years into our marriage, and I am convinced it is one of the biggest keys to keeping it fresh. We brainstorm business ideas, talk about the kids, explore our faith, hash out our struggles, work through problems, dream of the future, and sometimes just admire the scenery. Even after all these years, we never run out of stuff to talk about. My parents have …