Escape Adulthood

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Relationships

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A Tale of Two Trees: Thoughts on Life, Death and Regret

I was in a small country cemetery recently, thinking about autumn and life and the end of another baseball season, when I saw these trees. All of them marching toward the sleep of winter, the one on the right still filled with leaves, another with only a few left to give. I wondered, “Which one am I?” As of this writing, I am forty-two years old. No spring sapling, that’s for sure. I’m old enough and experienced enough to know that I could be either tree. I think about death a lot, mostly because it helps me think about my life, and how well I’m spending it. Anniversaries are piling up. Pictures from my early days of marriage looks less and less like the person that greets me in the mirror each morning. And my kids. They are growing up so fast. Too fast. Memories of their newborn days seem like borrowed photographs from someone else’s life. Life can be hard, but it is good. I’d give anything to slow it all down. I rack my brain for something I can do to help. How do I …

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Do You See the Magic Sitting Right Next to You?

We finally made it to Victoria in British Columbia after hearing about it from so many travelers who spoke of it with stars in their eyes. Kim and I have always had a thing for the Pacific Northwest, but between the mountain views, the ocean air, and the old British charm, it didn't disappoint. When we were preparing to board the ferry to return to the States, the customs officer seemed genuinely shocked to hear from us that people referred to it as a magical place. "Huh," he shrugged. "I don't know about that." I was surprised by his response, and a little saddened. I suppose I shouldn't have been. It's easy to take for granted the things that are familiar to us. So who is right? The people who see Victoria as a magical place? Or the officer who sees nothing out of the ordinary? I'd say they both are. The truth is that so much of what we get out of life depends on our perspective. Of course, that perspective may spring forth from our circumstance, but we always have …

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How To Make Your Marriage Feel Brand New

"Tingly" by Jason Kotecki. Prints available here. I recently read a pretty incredible assessment of marriage. It was written by my friend Scott, who was reacting to the habit our culture has of framing marriage as the end of freedom. Acquiring the ball and chain. Hitched. Tied down. Game over. Refreshingly, Scott countered with this: “Marriage is the ultimate form of freedom. Freedom to be our true selves, freedom to let our guards down and be vulnerable, and freedom to fart as loudly as possible without being judged. When I was single and struggling to find someone to share my life, exhausting activities like resenting and pretending and impressing took up its of space in my heart...But the moment we tied the knot, all of that vanished. Suddenly I was released from the prison of having to prove myself." I couldn’t agree more. One of the neat things about being married is being able to really know another person on a deep level. There is a sense of comfortability and a freedom …

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The Magic Question That Will Make You The Most Innovative Person You Know

The world is changing at an ever-increasing pace. Meanwhile, most of us are being asked to do more with less. The answer to a prosperous and glorious future, it seems, is innovation. That’s all well and good, except for the fact that innovation is often regarded as one step away from sorcery. It is reserved for the super smart, super creative, or super inhabitants of Silicon Valley. Hogwash. You can be more innovative, right now, today. (I don't care if you are reading this in your pajamas or your hair looks like it just took on a tornado.) The dictionary tells us that innovation is merely the introduction of a new and better method, idea or thing. That's it. So yeah, the iPhone was a pretty ginormous innovation. But you know what else was? The person who came up with the idea to put tennis balls on walkers. Apparently they add value somehow, because every walker I've ever seen has one on each leg. Contrary to popular belief, innovation can be easy, but only if you …

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Celebrate Your Way to a Better Relationship

Isn’t it strange how when you’ve just fallen in love, the object of your affection's weird idiosyncrasies seem cute? And then, after twenty years of marriage, the way their nose twitches when they tell a funny story, the unusual way they cut their steak, or the specific way they order at a fast food drive-up window, makes you want to wallop them with a rolling pin? Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too. ;) Interestingly, studies show that divorce isn’t usually caused by an increase in problems. It’s often caused by a decrease in positive feelings. Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, has demonstrated that how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. In the early stages of a relationship, celebrations are abundant and all the feels are good. You measure anniversaries in weeks and months, cheer each other on, and rejoice over the smallest of milestones. All of these things work to overshadow the …

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Leftover Scraps Aren’t Good Enough

I recently read an article about a celebrity chef. In it, he talked about his nightly ritual with his wife: “At around 11:30 or 12:00, we talk. Not just, 'How are you?’ I like to have a soulful conversation with her, a meaningful conversation. And then after that, I fall asleep within two seconds. I am just beat. I am beat." I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Are you freaking kidding me? A soulful conversation? At midnight?! In which you are so "alert" that you fall asleep within two seconds of having it? Granted, I am not in the room with them, but I'd love to ask the wife just how meaningful these late-night conversations are for her. Look, everyone says they have their priorities in order. "Family first!" is the familiar cry. But Adultitis is eternally tempting us to let our focus slide to other things. Our pride and ambitions can drive us to chase wealth, status, and adulation, often at the expense of the people we care about the most, while we expertly rationalize …

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Relationship hacks: 7 awesome date night ideas that bring the fun front and center

Want a relationship that not only lasts but gets better and better as you go along? Without a doubt, one important ingredient is regularly-scheduled date nights. Contrary to popular belief, date nights aren’t just for people who are dating! What starts out as a normal and frequent part of every relationship becomes an endangered species once a few years and children and pile up. It’s worth pointing out the “scheduled" part of regularly-scheduled is key here. Don’t expect to magically “find” time. You’re more likely to have an errant asteroid hurtle through Earth’s atmosphere and magically “find” your house. Think about it: if you need to have an important meeting with a client, you don’t wait to magically bump into them at a coffee shop — you schedule it! We schedule all the important stuff in our lives, and this is as important as it gets. Ok, now that we have that squared away, what are you going to do on this freshly scheduled date night? Dinner and a movie? Oh hells no. …

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The Adultitis-Free Way to Win an Argument Every Time

At the most recent Escape Adulthood Summit, a woman named Kate shared an awesome technique for winning arguments. It all started on a simple premise agreed upon by Kate and her husband. They decided that no matter how angry they were with each other during the course of an argument, if one of them said, "Lincoln Log!" they would both have to laugh. (Actually, the word they used was "raccoon," but she joked that it was already taken. Lincoln Log seemed fun -- you can use it if you want. So does cantaloupe. Or sasquatch. Use your imagination!) She described a typical scenario. An argument begins and quickly escalates, with both sides angrily stating their cases. In the heat of the action, just as Kate prepares to unload with both barrels, her husband says, "Raccoon!" At first she thinks to herself, "I CANNOT believe you pulled out "raccoon" right now; I was just about to bury you!" But inevitably, giggles burst free. Before long, both parties get some instant -- and much-needed …

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How to Adultitis-Proof Your Wedding

A wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. But it can also be a breeding ground for Adultitis. This sinister foe downright salivates at events involving formal wear, the merging of families, and an expectation that everything is supposed to go perfectly. Is it possible to Adultitis-proof your wedding? Yes. But it requires a mindset that decides you're going to have fun no matter what the caterer messes up or your mother-in-law does. It also helps to incorporate some ideas that send the message to you and your guests that Adultitis is not invited. I've been collecting some of my favorite best Adultitis-free invites, favors, photo-ops and more on a Pinterest board. What are YOUR favorite ideas for Adultitis-proofing a wedding? …

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How We Spent Our 13th Anniversary

Kim and I always do something childlike on our anniversary. One year we went to the circus. Another time we visited Toys "R" Us on Times Square. This year, we took the kids to Medieval Times. Actually, that happened the day AFTER our anniversary. On our real anniversary, our sister-in-law watched the kids so we could play hooky and have lunch on a beautiful day. (Pretty childlike in its own right, I guess.) At lunch overlooking Lake Monona, we had a chance to chat about many things, gloriously uninterrupted. We reminisced about our anniversary adventures. We talked about the logistics of bringing the kids to a funeral the next day. It was for a friend's mom, who passed away suddenly only two weeks after her husband had retired. We talked about the fleeting nature of life, silently hoping that such a thing would never happen to us. Then I asked Kim a question: "If this was our last anniversary together, how would you wish we'd have spent it?" …

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