The best parts of life aren’t always planned.But they can happen on purpose. I recently spoke at a nursing conference in Honolulu. My family was put up in a room with a breathtaking view in a huge Hilton resort on Waikiki Beach. It had five pools, twenty restaurants, oodles of neat shops, and all kinds of organized activities you could sign up for. For us, it was…meh. It was a lovely property, but Kim and I have come to learn that massive hotels, cruises, and all-inclusive resorts are not our thing. Places that cater to tourists are often missing the authentic sense of culture that come with out-of-the-way spots. Everything is orderly, structured, and perfectly curated. They excel at delivering predictability. And that's the problem. We like freedom, authenticity, and the magic that comes from a little unpredictability. Like the place we stayed the week before my talks, a little bungalow on the other side of Oahu, half a block from Lanikai Beach. The unit was well-kept …
Are You Bad or Just Busy?
"Shelter" by Jason Kotecki. Digital art. All of our technological advancements are supposed to give us more time. Instead, we fall for the temptation of trying to pack more tasks into the time we’ve saved. Last month I was booked to speak in Hawaii. I was able to take Kim and the kids along, and the week before the engagement, we played in the sun and surf of Lanikai Beach. I made a special point – a very concerted effort, indeed – to refrain from checking email, surf the internet, or scan my social media feeds. Somehow, the world continued to rotate on its 23-degree axis. The sun rose and set on a regular basis, and my business didn't crumble to the ground. I heard a saying once that if the devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy. Adultitis thrives in all this busyness, which tricks you into feeling like you’re productive. When you feel productive, you think you’re actually getting something accomplished, which fools you into believing that your work is not …
Does Your Life Have a Recombobulation Area?
There is a sign at the General Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee that I love very much. It’s visible right after you go through security and are collecting your shoes, belt, wallet, phone, keys, rubber duckie, ping pong paddle, and other essentials. It simply says, “Recombobulation Area.” The fact that it’s printed in a plain, bold, official-looking font makes me love it all the more. (Comic sans would just ruin it.) Now, “recombobulation” is not technically a word, but what else do you call it when you’re trying to regroup yourself after feeling discombobulated thanks to the TSA screening process? Barry Bateman is the former airport director who coined the word and suggested the signage, understanding that traveling can be stressful and hoped to put a smile on people’s faces. I love this for two reasons. First, it’s a great example of how just about everything can benefit from a little whimsy, even one as serious – and important! – as a security checkpoint. …
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How to Make Your Dreams Come True Faster
We recently surprised the kids by taking them to see Disney’s live-action remake of Aladdin. (All five of us give it two thumbs up.) Us grown-ups can see a movie like that, a fantastical tale of magic lamps and genies and three wishes, and acknowledge it as a work of fiction. And yet, when our own dreams don’t come true as fast as it takes a blue-skinned genie to snap his fingers, we think something is wrong. Ok, maybe we don’t expect our dreams to come true the instant we wish for them, but I know there have been times in my life when the realization of a dream seemed to be in slow motion. It felt as other people were making things happen left and right, while I was stuck in neutral. The truth is, most dreams – especially the worthwhile ones – take longer to materialize than we think they will. The enthusiasm that accompanies us in the beginning is important. It is the rocket fuel that propels us forward, getting us to take that first step. But eventually, after the empty …
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Life is Like a Box of Easter Eggs
My kids discovered a YouTube video that highlighted dozens of unique ways to decorate Easter eggs. They were excited to try out some of the new techniques they learned, many of which were new to me as well. There’s no one way to decorate an Easter egg. It reminded me that there’s also no one way to create an amazing life. There are lots of different ways to earn money.There are lots of different ways to spend it.There are lots of different ways to allocate your time.And lots of options of where and who to spend that time with. Of course, you can do things by the book. You know, the “normal” way. With a cup of water, a few tablespoons of vinegar, and some drops of food coloring, you’ll get a “successful” life, I mean Easter egg. Creating something that resembles a Fabergé egg requires an altogether different approach. Mind you, I’m not suggesting that it’s a better one. Task me with the job of crafting some sort of intricate pattern, and there’s a good chance our …
Damascus Moments
As I wrote about in Penguins Can't Fly, I am not a natural-born rule breaker. This may come as a surprise coming from someone who wrote a book about breaking rules. The obvious question is, "How did you go from being a shy boy who was afraid of new situations and spent an eternity in swimming lessons to a guy who makes a living speaking in public about breaking rules?” For years, I’ve tried to come up with a compelling answer. After all, it seems like some sort of magic was involved. I would often point to a moment when I imagined myself as an 80-year-old guy looking back on my life and wondering, "what if?" And yes, that was when I started to consider that the fear of regret might be more powerful than the fear of trying something new. Other times, I'd give credit to a retreat I attended after high school that had a profound impact on me. As monumental as that experience was, it doesn't fully explain the shy-kid-to-speaker transformation. The truth is, there wasn't …
Willing to Relocate
"Willing to Relocate" by Jason Kotecki. 24" x 24". Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints available here. When Kim and I decided to move to Madison after we got married, neither of us had jobs, or job prospects for that matter. I’m sure some people thought we were crazy. Kim and I didn’t have to leave home. It was fine and it offered opportunity. But we wanted an adventure to call our own, and suspected that the life we wanted to live would require a change of scenery. And so we were willing to relocate. We had to leave behind that which was familiar in order to grow into who we were meant to become. We picked Madison, but in our case, the need to move away from our comfort zone was more important than the actual location itself. Sometimes we have to be willing to relocate in order to make our dreams come true. Of course, that might mean moving across town, or across the country. But it might mean moving into a different group of friends. It might mean moving …
Leap
"Leap" by Jason Kotecki. 20" x 16". Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints available here. Why is it that so many of the people who have found success in America are first-generation immigrants? One big reason is that many of them came from a place that is not so great. They saw America as the Land of Opportunity and they pursued it with a definitive focus and relentless persistence. They were willing to leap from the known to the unknown. A big reason people don’t chase their dream is because where they are now isn’t half bad. They give up the dream and settle for the dreamsicle. A dreamsicle is sweet and alluring and very tempting. It’s the option most people go for, with its safety, comfortability and surface-level perks. Because of that, you wonder if you’re crazy to even consider abandoning it. The dreamsicle is the lifestyle that ensures you need to keep your current job for as long as possible. It’s the boyfriend who checks all the boxes except for the one …
Your Life is a Cliffhanger. What Will Happen Next?
When I walk a cemetery, I look for stories in the gravestones. Sometimes the markers are very large and ornate, and other times quite small and humble. I wonder how accurate they are in reflecting the greatness of the lives they represent. Sometimes there are bible verses, or a few descriptors, like “devoted husband, father, and friend.” Sometimes there are mentions of military service, and I imagine the horrors witnessed and the heroics performed. Sometimes the date span is much too short, a sad memorial to the life of a baby taken from our world too soon. But something about gravestones like this one are extra poignant. "Till death do us part." This is promise Lois and Albert made to one another a long time ago, on their wedding day. Albert’s story is finished, in this world, at least. Something about the dates being carved in stone make it so real, and permanent. But Lois, her life feels like it’s on pause. A cliffhanger. Like someone with a chisel is waiting in the …
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Two Kinds of Treadmills
There are two kinds of treadmills. The visible kind is usually found in gyms (or perhaps the dark recesses of your home, gathering dust.) After turning it on, you put one foot ahead of the other and walk. And walk. And walk. You can literally walk for an entire day, and yet you’ll be in the exact same place as when you started. Seems like an enormous waste of time. Except that the more time you spend on the treadmill, the more calories you burn and the more weight you can lose. This treadmill comes with a reward. The invisible treadmill doesn’t. It focuses not on walking, but on possessions and accomplishments. It promises you that if you just had one more, you’d be happy. And so you begin to accumulate: A big promotion. A shiny new phone. A nicer car. A roomier home in a better neighborhood. A more exotic vacation. A more fashionable pair of shoes. A bigger stock portfolio. A more prestigious award. This type of treadmill, in contrast with the visible kind, promises …