As I wrote about in Penguins Can't Fly, I am not a natural-born rule breaker. This may come as a surprise coming from someone who wrote a book about breaking rules. The obvious question is, "How did you go from being a shy boy who was afraid of new situations and spent an eternity in swimming lessons to a guy who makes a living speaking in public about breaking rules?” For years, I’ve tried to come up with a compelling answer. After all, it seems like some sort of magic was involved. I would often point to a moment when I imagined myself as an 80-year-old guy looking back on my life and wondering, "what if?" And yes, that was when I started to consider that the fear of regret might be more powerful than the fear of trying something new. Other times, I'd give credit to a retreat I attended after high school that had a profound impact on me. As monumental as that experience was, it doesn't fully explain the shy-kid-to-speaker transformation. The truth is, there wasn't …
Willing to Relocate
"Willing to Relocate" by Jason Kotecki. 24" x 24". Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints available here. When Kim and I decided to move to Madison after we got married, neither of us had jobs, or job prospects for that matter. I’m sure some people thought we were crazy. Kim and I didn’t have to leave home. It was fine and it offered opportunity. But we wanted an adventure to call our own, and suspected that the life we wanted to live would require a change of scenery. And so we were willing to relocate. We had to leave behind that which was familiar in order to grow into who we were meant to become. We picked Madison, but in our case, the need to move away from our comfort zone was more important than the actual location itself. Sometimes we have to be willing to relocate in order to make our dreams come true. Of course, that might mean moving across town, or across the country. But it might mean moving into a different group of friends. It might mean moving …
Leap
"Leap" by Jason Kotecki. 20" x 16". Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints available here. Why is it that so many of the people who have found success in America are first-generation immigrants? One big reason is that many of them came from a place that is not so great. They saw America as the Land of Opportunity and they pursued it with a definitive focus and relentless persistence. They were willing to leap from the known to the unknown. A big reason people don’t chase their dream is because where they are now isn’t half bad. They give up the dream and settle for the dreamsicle. A dreamsicle is sweet and alluring and very tempting. It’s the option most people go for, with its safety, comfortability and surface-level perks. Because of that, you wonder if you’re crazy to even consider abandoning it. The dreamsicle is the lifestyle that ensures you need to keep your current job for as long as possible. It’s the boyfriend who checks all the boxes except for the one …
Your Life is a Cliffhanger. What Will Happen Next?
When I walk a cemetery, I look for stories in the gravestones. Sometimes the markers are very large and ornate, and other times quite small and humble. I wonder how accurate they are in reflecting the greatness of the lives they represent. Sometimes there are bible verses, or a few descriptors, like “devoted husband, father, and friend.” Sometimes there are mentions of military service, and I imagine the horrors witnessed and the heroics performed. Sometimes the date span is much too short, a sad memorial to the life of a baby taken from our world too soon. But something about gravestones like this one are extra poignant. "Till death do us part." This is promise Lois and Albert made to one another a long time ago, on their wedding day. Albert’s story is finished, in this world, at least. Something about the dates being carved in stone make it so real, and permanent. But Lois, her life feels like it’s on pause. A cliffhanger. Like someone with a chisel is waiting in the …
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Two Kinds of Treadmills
There are two kinds of treadmills. The visible kind is usually found in gyms (or perhaps the dark recesses of your home, gathering dust.) After turning it on, you put one foot ahead of the other and walk. And walk. And walk. You can literally walk for an entire day, and yet you’ll be in the exact same place as when you started. Seems like an enormous waste of time. Except that the more time you spend on the treadmill, the more calories you burn and the more weight you can lose. This treadmill comes with a reward. The invisible treadmill doesn’t. It focuses not on walking, but on possessions and accomplishments. It promises you that if you just had one more, you’d be happy. And so you begin to accumulate: A big promotion. A shiny new phone. A nicer car. A roomier home in a better neighborhood. A more exotic vacation. A more fashionable pair of shoes. A bigger stock portfolio. A more prestigious award. This type of treadmill, in contrast with the visible kind, promises …
Life’s A Wave
"Life's A Wave" by Jason Kotecki. 24 x 30 Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. The familiar pit formed at the bottom of my stomach like a butterfly battle royal on pay per view. It developed after my mom answered the phone and told me it was for me. When I was younger, I was afraid of just about everything. New situations always brought an enormous level of anxiety, and phone calls delivered a special level of dread. It was a classmate on the other end, asking if I wanted to come over to play. For most people this would be great news, not a situation worth getting nauseous over. But I was not most people. I've never been keen on having my plans changed at the last minute. I had a whole day planned of doing nothing ahead of me. Not to mention, I'd never been to Chris' house before. Talk about a new situation! It was clearly a sensory overload too treacherous for a lazy Saturday. I quickly mumbled some excuse about how My …
Don’t Turn Every Could Into a Should
Sometimes I think I'm superheroic. Sometimes I'm just slow. It probably shouldn't have taken 41 years to have a realization that I recently had, but better late than never, right? I'm going to share it in the hopes that it might be a useful revelation for you as well: Just because you come across a good idea doesn’t mean you have to add it to your to-do list. Let me explain. Many opportunities cross my path on a regular basis. Things to try, people to meet, organizations to join, books to read, and invitations to consider. What I normally do is run it through a quick filter in my head, looking for any potential positive outcomes. If I can't think of one, it immediately gets discarded. (I’ve never had the opportunity to bathe in a pool filled with piranhas, but it’s an example of something I’d discard.) Here’s the problem. If I do think of something good — anything! — that is likely to result from this opportunity, it automatically goes onto my to-do list. Maybe it doesn't …
What if You Knew The Numbers?
Kim and I recently took the kids to their first Cubs game. It was a beautiful day, Wrigley Field was as friendly as usual, and we reveled in singing "Go Cubs, Go" after they sealed the win against the Giants. We often see first times coming. We prepare for them and anticipate them with the excitement of a little kid on Christmas Eve. The last times have a habit of sneaking up on us, though. We have a digital frame in our kitchen that rotates old family photographs. I find myself regularly spying an old snapshot of one of my kids and thinking to myself, "She was never that little, was she?" As of this writing, my oldest is only eight, but the pictures feel a century old. The other day, Kim commented on a photo of our son when we was an infant. "Some days," she said, "I'd give just about anything to hold that little baby one more time." I agreed. It occurred to me that although I held that little baby many times -- often in a sleep-deprived and grouchy state -- there was also a last …
The Practical Side of Playing Make Believe
Sometimes playing "make believe" is the most practical thing you can do. Remember The Land of Make Believe, made famous by Mr. Rogers? Let’s go there for a quick trip: Pretend you just won the lottery. Power Ball. After paying taxes, you now have $150 million in the bank. Sweet. Now what? What would you do next? What's your ideal life? How would you spend your days? Where would you spend them? And with whom? Go ahead, don’t be shy or limited by what’s “practical.” Shoot for the moon. We're in the Land of Make Believe, remember? Would your life look any different than it does right now? For most people the answer is probably yes, at least a little bit. Now, as much as I'd like to wave a magic wand and make all that fantasy a reality, there is some practicality in all this daydreaming. You just put a pin in the map. By identifying a destination, you can now see what direction you want to go. Yes, it might seem a million miles away. That's ok. The important …
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How To Find Your Passion in Two Easy Steps
How can I be happier? What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I follow my passion if I don't know what it is? Big questions. Common questions. And the answers might be hidden in our childhood. Seeds are often planted in our childhood that serve as clues to what we’re supposed to spend our time doing as grown-ups. Sometimes we just need to engage in a little detective work to figure out what they mean. I got an email recently from someone who was reading my first book and wrote to tell me her favorite part: So far my favorite part is in Chapter 4, Live Passionately. You tell us to think back to what we wanted to be when we grew up. I stopped there and shook my head since I wanted to be a hotel maid in Florida. HAHA You went on and said to think about the reason for having that passion. That was an eyeopener! A cleaned hotel room after playing all day in the hot sun gave me a peace and I wanted to share that feeling with others. So simple. Our desires as …
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