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Your Life is a Cliffhanger. What Will Happen Next?

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When I walk a cemetery, I look for stories in the gravestones. Sometimes the markers are very large and ornate, and other times quite small and humble. I wonder how accurate they are in reflecting the greatness of the lives they represent. Sometimes there are bible verses, or a few descriptors, like “devoted husband, father, and friend.” Sometimes there are mentions of military service, and I imagine the horrors witnessed and the heroics performed. Sometimes the date span is much too short, a sad memorial to the life of a baby taken from our world too soon. But something about gravestones like this one are extra poignant. "Till death do us part." This is promise Lois and Albert made to one another a long time ago, on their wedding day. Albert’s story is finished, in this world, at least. Something about the dates being carved in stone make it so real, and permanent. But Lois, her life feels like it’s on pause. A cliffhanger. Like someone with a chisel is waiting in the …

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Two Kinds of Treadmills

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There are two kinds of treadmills. The visible kind is usually found in gyms (or perhaps the dark recesses of your home, gathering dust.) After turning it on, you put one foot ahead of the other and walk. And walk. And walk. You can literally walk for an entire day, and yet you’ll be in the exact same place as when you started. Seems like an enormous waste of time. Except that the more time you spend on the treadmill, the more calories you burn and the more weight you can lose. This treadmill comes with a reward. The invisible treadmill doesn’t. It focuses not on walking, but on possessions and accomplishments. It promises you that if you just had one more, you’d be happy. And so you begin to accumulate: A big promotion. A shiny new phone. A nicer car. A roomier home in a better neighborhood. A more exotic vacation. A more fashionable pair of shoes. A bigger stock portfolio. A more prestigious award. This type of treadmill, in contrast with the visible kind, promises …

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Life’s A Wave

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"Life's A Wave" by Jason Kotecki. 24 x 30 Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. The familiar pit formed at the bottom of my stomach like a butterfly battle royal on pay per view. It developed after my mom answered the phone and told me it was for me. When I was younger, I was afraid of just about everything. New situations always brought an enormous level of anxiety, and phone calls delivered a special level of dread. It was a classmate on the other end, asking if I wanted to come over to play. For most people this would be great news, not a situation worth getting nauseous over. But I was not most people. I've never been keen on having my plans changed at the last minute. I had a whole day planned of doing nothing ahead of me. Not to mention, I'd never been to Chris' house before. Talk about a new situation! It was clearly a sensory overload too treacherous for a lazy Saturday. I quickly mumbled some excuse about how My …

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Don’t Turn Every Could Into a Should

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Sometimes I think I'm superheroic. Sometimes I'm just slow. It probably shouldn't have taken 41 years to have a realization that I recently had, but better late than never, right? I'm going to share it in the hopes that it might be a useful revelation for you as well: Just because you come across a good idea doesn’t mean you have to add it to your to-do list. Let me explain. Many opportunities cross my path on a regular basis. Things to try, people to meet, organizations to join, books to read, and invitations to consider. What I normally do is run it through a quick filter in my head, looking for any potential positive outcomes. If I can't think of one, it immediately gets discarded. (I’ve never had the opportunity to bathe in a pool filled with piranhas, but it’s an example of something I’d discard.) Here’s the problem. If I do think of something good — anything! — that is likely to result from this opportunity, it automatically goes onto my to-do list. Maybe it doesn't …

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What if You Knew The Numbers?

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Kim and I recently took the kids to their first Cubs game. It was a beautiful day, Wrigley Field was as friendly as usual, and we reveled in singing "Go Cubs, Go" after they sealed the win against the Giants. We often see first times coming. We prepare for them and anticipate them with the excitement of a little kid on Christmas Eve. The last times have a habit of sneaking up on us, though. We have a digital frame in our kitchen that rotates old family photographs. I find myself regularly spying an old snapshot of one of my kids and thinking to myself, "She was never that little, was she?" As of this writing, my oldest is only eight, but the pictures feel a century old. The other day, Kim commented on a photo of our son when we was an infant. "Some days," she said, "I'd give just about anything to hold that little baby one more time." I agreed. It occurred to me that although I held that little baby many times -- often in a sleep-deprived and grouchy state -- there was also a last …

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The Practical Side of Playing Make Believe

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Sometimes playing "make believe" is the most practical thing you can do. Remember The Land of Make Believe, made famous by Mr. Rogers? Let’s go there for a quick trip: Pretend you just won the lottery. Power Ball. After paying taxes, you now have $150 million in the bank. Sweet. Now what? What would you do next? What's your ideal life? How would you spend your days? Where would you spend them? And with whom? Go ahead, don’t be shy or limited by what’s “practical.” Shoot for the moon. We're in the Land of Make Believe, remember? Would your life look any different than it does right now? For most people the answer is probably yes, at least a little bit. Now, as much as I'd like to wave a magic wand and make all that fantasy a reality, there is some practicality in all this daydreaming. You just put a pin in the map. By identifying a destination, you can now see what direction you want to go. Yes, it might seem a million miles away. That's ok. The important …

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How To Find Your Passion in Two Easy Steps

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How can I be happier? What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I follow my passion if I don't know what it is? Big questions. Common questions. And the answers might be hidden in our childhood. Seeds are often planted in our childhood that serve as clues to what we’re supposed to spend our time doing as grown-ups. Sometimes we just need to engage in a little detective work to figure out what they mean. I got an email recently from someone who was reading my first book and wrote to tell me her favorite part: So far my favorite part is in Chapter 4, Live Passionately. You tell us to think back to what we wanted to be when we grew up. I stopped there and shook my head since I wanted to be a hotel maid in Florida. HAHA You went on and said to think about the reason for having that passion. That was an eyeopener! A cleaned hotel room after playing all day in the hot sun gave me a peace and I wanted to share that feeling with others. So simple. Our desires as …

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How to Have Fun Doing Boring Adulty Chores

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It’s easy to pine for the nostalgic, carefree days of childhood. The days when everything was simpler and you could eat a whole bag of candy without developing a stomachache or adding a single, solitary pound. Alas, as idyllic as childhood was for some, adulthood does have its share of perks, such as the ability to drive, decide where to go on vacation, and order strawberry margaritas at Mexican restaurants. But there is that whole “adulting” thing that cramps our style, complete with all those boring “adulty” things like paying bills, cutting grass, and vacuuming the floor. Ick. Good news! There are things that can be done to improve our situation and have a bit of fun doing the boring chores that accompany adulthood. However. Before we dive into these tips, we have to step back and ask an all-important question: does this boring, soul-crushing task actually have to be done? Consider these possibilities: 1) Just stop doing them. This is the best and easiest option. Of …

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How to Make Life Feel More Balance-y

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I experienced work-life balance once. It lasted about 37 seconds, just like that one time I achieved inbox zero. Actually, I think I blacked out when it happened, so I can't confirm whether or not this so-called life balance thing actually exists. There is, however, such a thing as feeling overwhelmed from trying to do too much. Maybe all the extra activity we’re attempting to cram in is coming from our boss, our own unrealistic expectations, or the fact that we’re in a new season of life but are still trying to keep doing everything from the last one. Whatever the case may be, here are three tips to help you make your life feel more balance-y: 1) Realize that you can’t do everything. Some people think "life balance" is jamming EVERYTHING you want to do into your life while leaving just enough room to receive an Academy Award for being superhuman. Not gonna happen. The people you see who appear to have it all together don't. Something is falling by the wayside, whether or …

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Saying Yes to Piggy Back Rides

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One of Adultitis’ best tricks — and the one that trips me up the most — is getting us to believe that the most important things in life are merely distractions. My youngest daughter routinely asks me for piggy back rides. Most of the time I say yes. But sometimes I'm tired, or want to keep reading the book I just opened five seconds ago. And sometimes I’m too focused on the latest pet project that I'm convinced will deliver a windfall of profit and impact. The justification for brushing off this minor “distraction” of my daughter pestering me for a piggy back ride is that, in the end, this effort will bear fruit that will benefit us all. If I’m not careful, this so-called “drive” rockets me right by the stuff that really matters. Don’t get me wrong. Piggy back rides don’t pay the bills. Little worthwhile is accomplished without focus, hard work, and sacrifice. The challenge is how easy it is for this to become our default mode. Like a Ferrari flying down the highway, all …

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