Lifestyle Design

We recently surprised the kids by taking them to see Disney’s live-action remake of Aladdin. (All five of us give it two thumbs up.) Us grown-ups can see a movie like that, a fantastical tale of magic lamps and genies and three wishes, and acknowledge it as a work of fiction. And yet, when our own dreams don’t come true as fast as it takes a blue-skinned genie to snap his fingers, we think something is wrong. Ok, maybe we don’t expect our dreams to come true the instant we wish for them, but I know there have been times in my life when the realization of a dream seemed to be in slow motion. It felt as other people were making things happen left and right, while I was stuck in neutral. The truth is, most dreams – especially the worthwhile ones – take longer to materialize than we think they will. The enthusiasm that accompanies us in the beginning is important. It is the rocket fuel that propels us forward, getting us to take that first step. But eventually, after the empty …

[Read more...] about How to Make Your Dreams Come True Faster

As I wrote about in Penguins Can't Fly, I am not a natural-born rule breaker. This may come as a surprise coming from someone who wrote a book about breaking rules. The obvious question is, "How did you go from being a shy boy who was afraid of new situations and spent an eternity in swimming lessons to a guy who makes a living speaking in public about breaking rules?” For years, I’ve tried to come up with a compelling answer. After all, it seems like some sort of magic was involved. I would often point to a moment when I imagined myself as an 80-year-old guy looking back on my life and wondering, "what if?" And yes, that was when I started to consider that the fear of regret might be more powerful than the fear of trying something new. Other times, I'd give credit to a retreat I attended after high school that had a profound impact on me. As monumental as that experience was, it doesn't fully explain the shy-kid-to-speaker transformation. The truth is, there wasn't …

[Read more...] about Damascus Moments

"Willing to Relocate" by Jason Kotecki. 24" x 24". Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints available here. When Kim and I decided to move to Madison after we got married, neither of us had jobs, or job prospects for that matter. I’m sure some people thought we were crazy. Kim and I didn’t have to leave home. It was fine and it offered opportunity. But we wanted an adventure to call our own, and suspected that the life we wanted to live would require a change of scenery. And so we were willing to relocate. We had to leave behind that which was familiar in order to grow into who we were meant to become. We picked Madison, but in our case, the need to move away from our comfort zone was more important than the actual location itself. Sometimes we have to be willing to relocate in order to make our dreams come true. Of course, that might mean moving across town, or across the country. But it might mean moving into a different group of friends. It might mean moving …

[Read more...] about Willing to Relocate

There are two kinds of treadmills. The visible kind is usually found in gyms (or perhaps the dark recesses of your home, gathering dust.) After turning it on, you put one foot ahead of the other and walk. And walk. And walk. You can literally walk for an entire day, and yet you’ll be in the exact same place as when you started. Seems like an enormous waste of time. Except that the more time you spend on the treadmill, the more calories you burn and the more weight you can lose. This treadmill comes with a reward. The invisible treadmill doesn’t. It focuses not on walking, but on possessions and accomplishments. It promises you that if you just had one more, you’d be happy. And so you begin to accumulate: A big promotion. A shiny new phone. A nicer car. A roomier home in a better neighborhood. A more exotic vacation. A more fashionable pair of shoes. A bigger stock portfolio. A more prestigious award. This type of treadmill, in contrast with the visible kind, promises …

[Read more...] about Two Kinds of Treadmills

"Life's A Wave" by Jason Kotecki. 24 x 30 Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. The familiar pit formed at the bottom of my stomach like a butterfly battle royal on pay per view. It developed after my mom answered the phone and told me it was for me. When I was younger, I was afraid of just about everything. New situations always brought an enormous level of anxiety, and phone calls delivered a special level of dread. It was a classmate on the other end, asking if I wanted to come over to play. For most people this would be great news, not a situation worth getting nauseous over. But I was not most people. I've never been keen on having my plans changed at the last minute. I had a whole day planned of doing nothing ahead of me. Not to mention, I'd never been to Chris' house before. Talk about a new situation! It was clearly a sensory overload too treacherous for a lazy Saturday. I quickly mumbled some excuse about how My …

[Read more...] about Life’s A Wave

Sometimes I think I'm superheroic. Sometimes I'm just slow. It probably shouldn't have taken 41 years to have a realization that I recently had, but better late than never, right? I'm going to share it in the hopes that it might be a useful revelation for you as well: Just because you come across a good idea doesn’t mean you have to add it to your to-do list. Let me explain. Many opportunities cross my path on a regular basis. Things to try, people to meet, organizations to join, books to read, and invitations to consider. What I normally do is run it through a quick filter in my head, looking for any potential positive outcomes. If I can't think of one, it immediately gets discarded. (I’ve never had the opportunity to bathe in a pool filled with piranhas, but it’s an example of something I’d discard.) Here’s the problem. If I do think of something good — anything! — that is likely to result from this opportunity, it automatically goes onto my to-do list. Maybe it doesn't …

[Read more...] about Don’t Turn Every Could Into a Should