I recently read a pretty incredible assessment of marriage. It was written by my friend Scott, who was reacting to the habit our culture has of framing marriage as the end of freedom. Acquiring the ball and chain. Hitched. Tied down. Game over.
Refreshingly, Scott countered with this:
“Marriage is the ultimate form of freedom. Freedom to be our true selves, freedom to let our guards down and be vulnerable, and freedom to fart as loudly as possible without being judged. When I was single and struggling to find someone to share my life, exhausting activities like resenting and pretending and impressing took up its of space in my heart…But the moment we tied the knot, all of that vanished. Suddenly I was released from the prison of having to prove myself.”
I couldn’t agree more. One of the neat things about being married is being able to really know another person on a deep level. There is a sense of comfortability and a freedom that comes when you don’t have to pretend like you have it all together.
The downside, of course, is that comfortability can become stale.
The answer is not to run to the arms of someone new and fresh, who still (mistakenly) sees you as Mr. or Mrs Perfect.
The answer is to bring the new into your current relationship. This can be done by sharing a new experience and creating new memories together, which gives you all new things to discuss and learn about each other.
Another great idea is to set up a weekly coffee date, in which each person has to think of a question to ask the other. Questions like, “Did you drop off the dry cleaning?” “Do you need me to pick up Billy from practice tomorrow?” or “Have you seen my blue pinstripe shirt?” don’t count.
No matter how much you know someone, there’s always something new to learn. The magic is in asking the right questions. If you do this once a week, you have six days to think of a good one. Here are some freebies:
- What was your most embarrassing high school moment?
- What was you favorite family vacation growing up?
- What one thing did you love most about a grandparent?
- What is your favorite memory of us dating?
- If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
- What are 3 countries you’d like to visit and why?
- If you could go back in time, what age would you be?
- If you could live anywhere for a year, where would you choose?
One of Adultitis’ favorite places to thrive is in otherwise healthy marriages. If anything, Adultitis is the old ball and chain.
The good news is that, as usual, a good question can be the key to freedom.
P.S. For some more tips on bring the fun back into your relationship, check out our free Cupid Vs. Adultitis ebook stashed away in the Adultitis Fighter Arsenal.