Today or Never

“Today or never, that’s my motto.”

Now that’s a good motto. Thanks for that, Mary Poppins.

Looking back at the last year, I lived a lot of it scared.

The after-effects of the storm that ripped through our property two years earlier lingered longer than I expected. The debt was a leviathan, and we slayed it sooner than seemed possible.

Maybe too soon.

The finances didn’t snap back the way I thought they would after we moved heaven and earth to exorcise that beast.

Maybe it was the lousy economy. Maybe it was the uncertainty of an election year. Maybe we were just exhausted.

Maybe a little of all three.

Or maybe our number was up.

That’s what I was most afraid of.

Can you be faithful and fearful at the same time? If it can be done, I did it. I fought that fear every day, and I like to think that more days than not, faith won.

The maddening thing was that we were making more than we ever did in that dumpy apartment all those years ago. But there are more mouths to feed now. More responsibilities. More people to answer to.

Every week I wondered if this was the week the tank would finally run dry.

Well, despite the cliches, January has a way of begging for something better.

It was the last day of our annual retreat. It’s when the kids are at Grandma and Grandpa’s, the home is all ours, and we review the year that was and all the blessings that make me blush when we count them all up.

My bride and I went for a walk. I floated a topic. It wasn’t an abandonment of sanity. I wasn’t resorting to recklessness. But I did confess to Kim that I didn’t want to keep livin’ scared.

Our family has prayed for a whole year for the opportunity to embark on adventures to Alaska, Africa, Italy, and London. (What can I say, we’re an eclectic bunch.)

A whole year and none of them felt any closer to reality.

And yet.

I reminded Kim that Alaska is a place you only want to visit in the summer and although it’s far, it’s not jumping oceans far. If we didn’t try it this year, it would be another whole year before we could try again. And our kids would be that much closer to leaving the nest.

Another year of staycations felt like a defeat.

I don’t know how it happened…one thing led to another. A miraculous void in an already crammed calendar was found. We discovered flights that could be had for miles and a song.

It all happened so fast.

It was reminiscent of another quote from Madam Poppins, which has been lingering in my notebook for damn near seven years:

“We’re on the brink of an adventure, children, don’t spoil it by asking too many questions.”

My wife and I are not prone to flights of financial fancy. One reason we live in our dream house is because we saved and sacrificed and sweltered through hot, air-conditionless summers in that dumpy apartment on the run-down side of town.

Yes. It is true that this could end up being a bad financial decision I’ll soon regret.

It could also be true that I won’t make it another three sixty-five.

“Today or never, that’s my motto.”

We got to tell our kids last night.

We’re going to Alaska.