All my life, I’ve had a bit of a stubborn, semi-rebellious streak. This photo is a visual example. My mom hired a photographer to come to the house to shoot a portrait of me and my younger brother, Dan. Clearly, I wanted no part of the process. Considering this must have been the best photo Mom had to choose from in the entire collection of proofs, one can only imagine what a struggle that morning was. (Actually, Mom is the only one who doesn’t have to do any imagining.)
That rebellious, countercultural side has always been there. Even today, I’ll root for the team that all the analysts say have no chance to win the big game. When I cook, I can’t make the recipe exactly they way the author suggests — I always have to add some sort of extra, personal touch.
You might think this rebellious nature got me into quite a bit of trouble as a young whippersnapper. Not so. You see, I was terribly shy and too afraid to try anything new. Fear and anxiety ruled the day, which kept me from stepping out and doing anything too drastic.
My stubborn nature and my unwillingness to settle for the status quo didn’t really serve me all that well growing up. More than anything, it probably created a good bit of added aggravation for my parents. That side of me was more of a liability, until the Big Guy Upstairs stepped in. As I entered college, thanks to a retreat I was practically dragged to, I became more interested in getting to know God. He responded by giving me the courage to put some of those qualities — which had previously been liabilities — to good use. He helped me see the opportunities in new situations, and that no matter what happened, he had my back.
That courage and faith served as the fuel to start my own business without any experience whatsoever. To forgo the lure of security and a robust benefits package. To be willing to do the exact opposite of what most people would consider the prudent thing to do. My stubbornness, combined at last with a faith in God’s promises, led me to refuse giving up on my dreams, even though many times over the past eight years, the situation looked bleaker than bleak.
The point of this post is this: God has already given you everything you need to be a success. Even the things you perceive to be weaknesses can be shaped into great strengths. You just need to be willing to let him step in and mold it.
These days, I’m just as stubborn as I’ve ever been (which should lead to some classic confrontations with this new little child that’s about to take up residence in my household.) But that stubborn rebelliousness is only useful when I’m letting God in the picture. The times when my life is particularly stressful and bumpy are the very times when I am off going my own way.
When we hold too tightly to the steering wheel, with the attitude that we have it all figured out and we can do it all on our own, that’s when we get stuck. That’s when the spinning of our wheels leads us to believe that we have failed. But if we let go, summon a childlike faith, and surrender to the one who created us, we will be led down a highway boasting views that exceed our wildest imaginations.
Oh, and Mom, regarding that photo…this is one of those instances when we can all look back and laugh, right?
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Bonita says
11/7/2008 at 8:19 pmLove that picture! That must have been a really fun day for your mom. I take it from the picture that your brother might not have that stubborn streak, or maybe he was just too young.
I was a lot like you as a child, minus the picture. My mother loves to tell me the horror stories she endured.
When I became a nurse that stubborn streak served me well because I had to be an advocate for my patients. I recall one physician saying in his refined Georgia drawl, “Bonita, I do believe you’re just a tad bit strong willed.”
Like you, I eventually veered off the beaten path to pursue my dream of being an author. I guess I never attributed that to my stubbornness until I read your post, but looking back I see that it took years of being very strong willed to become successful at it.
Thankfully, when I became a Christian as a teenager some of that stubborn streak was tempered, but occasionally it still flares up in the wrong direction.
P.S. My mother got her wish. She always said she hoped I would have a child just like me so I could see what I put her through. I did. I didn’t think he and I would survive his second and third year of life, but today he’s the most awesome teenager you could ever imagine. Keep that in mind in case God blesses you with a little one who ends up with a picture just like yours!
Jason says
11/8/2008 at 11:20 amYes, I have a feeling I’m not going to escape the “payback.”
Kim’s stubborn, I’m stubborn…what are the chances our kids are gonna be sweet little angels?
Shannon says
11/10/2008 at 7:52 amRebellion against the prevailing culture, living counterculturally, and rooting for the underdog make up much of the Christian life — you were already prepared to come to know God!
Sister Kimberly says
11/10/2008 at 8:28 amHey there!
I loved reading your post. Reminds me a bit of myself even to this day. I guess God knows how He wants to create us in order that we can truly trust Him and His Divine Plan for our lives.
I don’t know about you, but these days my stubborn attitude has kept me awake at night praying for guidance and strength to do what the Lord wants me to do.
Let’s keep praying for each other, okay?
Peace, Love, Prayers, & Friendship!
Sister Kimberly
Steven says
11/10/2008 at 1:24 pmThanks! I needed to read that right now.
That reminds me of Michael W. Smith’s song “Stubborn Love”…especially the lines “It’s Your stubborn love that never lets go of me. I don’t understand how You can stay. Perfect love, embracing the worst in me…I can’t live without Your stubborn love.”
Why do I keep needing to be reminded that God has everything under control? I get so frustrated sometimes with the twists and turns life takes…getting another contract job, the company being bought and everyone laid off, finally being offered a permanent job, finding out that they were too hasty in offering that and that job won’t be available until next month, and then temp at first…and that’s just in the past few weeks! I wonder if God laughs because He sees what is going to happen and He is molding me somehow for something much better than would have happened if I hadn’t gone through this. He sees the end of the maze, but all I see is the walls and dead-ends.
What is it about adventures that while they’re happening, you complain and grumble, but when you look back on them, you would never trade them for anything?
Steven says
11/5/2009 at 1:40 pmNote on “Stubborn Love”…I’ve always associated the song with MWS because it was on a cassette with his name on it that was all choral music. I’ve never actually heard him sing it. I forget the name of the album, but it was great.
Jason says
11/10/2008 at 6:56 pmYes, it’s a very easy trap to get caught up in thinking, “It will be better when…” while missing the adventure that’s underway.
I think it was John Lennon who said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
Minette says
11/5/2009 at 7:52 amReading this post again (and the quote from John Lennon) makes me think of one of my favorite quotes: “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” He often has much greater ones in store! Next Saturday I’m leaving for a 9-day trip to Rome for a conference on Deaf People in the Life of the Church. It’s a direct result of my involvement in Deaf ministry and is going to be one of the most awesome trips ever. (Benedict XVI will be at the conference briefly!) And I remind myself that about 10 years ago I was adamantly saying I was never going to get involved in Deaf ministry! God is great and I’m so glad I listened to Him and got involved in something that is reaping so much more than I could ever have imagined!
Jason says
11/5/2009 at 3:10 pmYes, God has quite the sense of humor when it comes to our own ideas. I remember sitting in church listening to the pastor drone on and on, thinking to myself, “I could do so much better. It’s too bad only priests get to go up there and talk.” Little did I know that I’d eventually be giving programs at churches — standing right up by the altar. (And I’ve learned that it’s not quite as easy as it seems.)
Matt E. says
11/5/2009 at 8:44 amGreat post. Enjoy what you guys do and appreciate how it’s linked up to Someone greater than yourselves.
Jason says
11/5/2009 at 3:11 pmThanks Matt! I appreciate your appreciation :)