Help Wanted: Family CEO
Applicant is responsible for the management and safety of her subordinates at all times. She will be responsible for the overall health and development of those under her supervision, including, but not limited to, ensuring proper regular hygiene, ethics instruction, and recreational activities. She will foster appropriate communication and team building skills within her unit, which shall require expertise status in the areas of conflict resolution and communications. Being particularly fluent in primitive languages is a plus.
She will serve as the company’s accountant, overseeing a strict budget and handling all accounts receivable and payable. She will be in charge of securing the supplies necessary to provide proper nutrition and will use said supplies to prepare and serve three nutritious meals a day. Applicant will assume all janitorial and laundering duties for the premises of the entire office.
Applicant will also be responsible for managing the daily and nightly agenda for all those under her supervision, while providing transportation to and from social activities and meetings with peers, physicians, and various mascots, muppets or clowns. Traditionally, the holder of this job also assumes the role of the one-person party planning committee.
An ideal candidate will be exceedingly patient, kind, and caring, skilled at doing more with less, while possessing quick decision making skills and a willingness to answer several hundred questions a day. Other duties as assigned.
Salary & Benefits: Starting salary range is between zero and zilch. We are unable to provide health insurance or a retirement program, but the rest of the benefits are great and working from home is encouraged. Vacation days are generously provided, as long as the candidate is willing to take her subordinates with her and maintain all job responsibilities while on vacation or is willing to pay someone else a hefty sum to assume them in her absence. Interested applicants should apply within.
If you haven’t figured it out already, this is a job description for a stay-at-home mom, written in corporate speak.
My mom was a stay-at-home mom. I know a number of mothers who are, although their number is dwindling. That’s because to be a stay-at-home mom, a woman must give up her career, her income, her ambition, her identity, her sense of self. Or so it is assumed.
Being a stay-at-home mom is not considered a very cool job to have. In fact, it’s barely considered a job at all.
I just think it’s a job with a lousy title.
It would appear that the number one requirement of a stay-at-home mom is to…stay home, while everyone else trudges off to work their “real” jobs. I mean, how hard is that? Staying at home is so easy, that apparently now even men can do it. We call them stay-at-home dads.
What’s apparently not so obvious is that the job requires a lot more than simply being a parent and staying at home, as the sample job description above indicates. Clearly, “Stay-At-Home Parent” doesn’t seem to cut it as an accurate job title. I propose Family CEO.
The position of Family CEO is more demanding and requires a more diverse skill set than just about any job you can name. And the duties assigned to a Family CEO are not optional. They need to be taken care of one way or another, whether you stay at home or not.
Some people outsource many of the tasks to family members, friends, or strangers, while others try to squeeze them in and around their other full-time jobs. In fact, that’s what most people do. In the sum of my travels around this country, I have noticed that the families who are most overwhelmed by stress often have two parents who work outside the home. Family life is chaos. There is no structure, no balance, no peace. It is my assertion that the reason for this is because there is no dedicated Family CEO. One or both parents are trying to squeeze the responsibilities around their other jobs. Unfortunately, it’s too big of a job to do part-time during your non-peak energy areas.
Most people will say that they need two incomes in order to live. I would argue that they need both incomes in order to maintain their standard of living. Upon honestly counting the costs of day care, transportation, convenience food, and most importantly, the STRESS that comes with both parents working outside the home, I wonder how many people would come to the conclusion that they’d be better off hiring a Family CEO from within.
Make no mistake: It’s a hard job. And you’re borderline crazy to even consider it. But its importance is unparalleled and the benefits are out of this world.