Are you sabotaging your own success and happiness?
We recently exhibited at the Midsummer Festival of the Arts in Sheboygan. I’m no stranger to this sort of thing, between participating in art fairs and the gift shows we did in the early days, selling prints and greeting cards to retail and gift shops.
I’ve noticed that exhibitors fall into one of two buckets.
The first consists of people like the two gents next to us. A father and son team were selling metalwork to be displayed outdoors. It’s clear they are there to do a job. They’re pros who are purposeful, efficient, and positive. Not chatty, but friendly.
The second type is like another neighbor we had. Always quick to comment about the weather (which is somehow always too hot or too wet or too windy) and complain about the attendance (which is somehow always too low). This one is regularly straying from their booth to find someone to commiserate with, and makes declarations like, “They love my art, but they don’t have any money to buy.” And if you seem to be doing better than them, they’ll gladly share their opinion of why that is in a way that doesn’t feel much like a compliment.
I both cases, the work itself was very good. But the attitude was miles apart.
Without fail, it’s the first type that consistently enjoys more success.
Coincidence?
Look, we’ve had some rough shows over the years. It was tempting to blame the promoter, the weather, the low attendance, or the buying power of the attendees. It’s comforting to commiserate with others experiencing slow sales, and hurl “must be nice” at the ones doing gangbusters.
It feels good — in the moment — but it’s not very productive.
I eventually found it’s a better use of time and energy to use those occasions to revisit my approach. Is my work as good as it could be? Are we presenting it in the best possible way? Could we improve the clarity of our message? Come up with a more appealing offer? Adjust our sales technique?
In case you haven’t figured it out, the message here is bigger than exhibiting at art fairs.
It’s a valuable lesson for all of life.
One option is to play the victim and complain about all the outside factors that are conspiring to keep you down. You can mutter “must be nice” about the people doing well. Direct it at their natural talent, their good connections, their Ivy League education, or their dumb luck of being in the right place at the right time. You can also blame the weather, the economy, or politicians.
Unfortunately, this is the equivalent of spraying success repellent all over yourself. It creates an invisible aura of negativity that is palpable to the people you encounter. Meanwhile, you’re too busy blaming all the things outside of your control that you don’t have time to improve the things you can.
Or.
You can accept the fact that there are disadvantages you can’t control, and decide to focus on the things you can, choosing to make the best out of whatever comes your way.
That’s really what it is: a decision.
When you make a decision over and over and over again, it becomes a habit, a way of life, and that’s what makes it feel like it’s not a decision.
The good news is that bad habits can be replaced with better ones.
Which starts with a decision.
You can decide to focus on what you can control: working hard, being kind, and maintaining a positive attitude.
You can practice noticing when you’re playing the “must be nice” game, and pivot to a spirit of curiosity about how to better leverage your own strengths.
You can decide that you’re not going to get sucked into conversations with people who want you to share in their negativity.
Oftentimes, the reason we find ourselves afflicted with Adultitis is because we opened the door and invited it in.
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