"Good Fortune" by Jason Kotecki. 12 x 12 Oil on canvas. Original is available. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. Lucky is winning a game of Candyland against my daughter. Most things in life that seem lucky are often anything but. I don't like how chalking up someone’s success to a lucky break strips away credit. Not only from the person who worked hard, but also from God, who (often anonymously) orchestrated so many of the events and circumstances along the way. Undoubtedly, where you are born, who your parents are, the color of your skin, and whether or not you grow up to be 6-foot-8 with the ability to jump over a school bus are completely out of your control and could all be considered "luck.” And yet, having any of these so-called advantages is no guarantee for success, while not having them does not condemn one to certain failure. Every NBA draft class is filled with dudes who won the genetic lottery but won't last long in the league. I could be all …
You & Improved
Is Kitchen Dancing a Good Idea?
"In This Kitchen We Dance" by Jason Kotecki. 20 x 20 Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. I painted this for my wife's 40th birthday. It's one of her favorite quotes, and it perfectly captures the spirit that fills our kitchen. As kids, we danced all the time. We danced when we were excited. We danced when we were happy. We even danced when we were bored. Why did we ever stop? Maybe we started worrying about looking foolish. Maybe we’ve discovered that the world isn’t as carefree as thought it was. Maybe we are afraid of pulling something. The kitchen often serves as the primary gathering place in a home. From time to time, our kitchen hosts spontaneous dance parties. If a favorite song comes on, we crank the volume, and our family of five casts our cares to the wind and shakes our booties to the music. Mind you, these dance parties are mostly devoid of any talent (although my son Ben has some sweet moves), but they are …
Why Pessimism is a Lousy Strategy
"Half Full" by Jason Kotecki. 12 x 12 Oil on canvas. Original is SOLD. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. After all, I am a lifelong Cubs fan who always believed in the hope-filled power of next year. Then again, when they lose three games in a row these days, feeling certain that they’ll never win another game again seems pretty pessimistic. The truth is, I’m probably a little bit of both. The optimistic side of me believed that Penguins Can’t Fly would be a New York Times best seller. It wasn’t. This defeat, along with a number of other epic failures in my career, add up to bolster the popular argument that I should minimize the chance of pain and defeat by keeping my expectations low. This strategy of operating with low expectations is employed by many. The thinking goes that if you don’t get your hopes up about something, then you won’t be as disappointed if it doesn't work out. And if it turns out …
The Consequences of Your Courage
We just wrapped up Escape Adulthood Summit #6. I’m definitely tired, but also overflowing with joy from being around such awesome people that renew my hope in humanity. As Kim and I pulled away from the barn in the big yellow rental truck, she said, “Even if we never get to do another one, no regrets." She was referring to a discussion we had back in 2011, on a chilly night in a cozy cabin in Alaska. We talked about regrets that night, and asked, "If we only had one more year together, is there anything we’d regret?” The only thing that came up was the “live event.” For years, we dreamed about hosting an in-person conference for Adultitis Fighters. We had experience organizing events and attending retreats. What we didn’t have was the certainty that anyone would come to ours. We doubted whether or not we’d even get one person to sign up. Long story short, we did. Every single Summit has sold out so far. And every one has been special in its own way. At the beginning, I …
Treadmills
There are two kinds of treadmills. The visible kind is usually found in gyms (and the dark recesses of your home, gathering dust.) After turning it on, you put one foot ahead of the other and walk. And walk. And walk. You can literally walk for an entire day, and yet you’ll be in the exact same place as when you started. It seems like an enormous waste of time. Except that the more time you spend on the treadmill, the more calories you burn and the more weight you can lose. This treadmill comes with a reward. The invisible treadmill focuses not on walking, but on things. It promises you that if you just had one more thing, you’d be happy. And so you begin to accumulate. A shiny new phone. A nicer car. A roomier home in a better neighborhood. A more exotic vacation. A more fashionable pair of shoes. A bigger stock portfolio. A more prestigious award. This type of treadmill, in contrast with the visible kind, feels a lot more like running and promises to lead you to a …
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?
What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a common question we ask children. Comedian Paula Poundstone says it’s because we’re looking for ideas. The key word in that question is "be." Too often, we adults change that word to "do." It's the classic, tried and true opening line you’ll hear at every bar, party and networking event: So, what do you do? That one little word changes everything. When we ask kids what they want to be, they respond with an answer that sounds a lot like what they want to do. But if you pay attention, that’s not the case at all. Sure, they might say “firefighter,” “astronaut,” or” ninja,” but what they want to be is brave, adventurous, helpful, and a person who spends time doing what they love. We’ve lost the plot, and in so doing, have lost our spark. Spoiler alert: We are human beings, not human doings. What if we’re currently in-between jobs, or trying to transition from new season to the next? Does that mean we are nothing? If …
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No Rain, No Flowers
No rain, no flowers. Maybe it’s trite. But it’s also true. It may sound like optimism, and it is, but it’s also scientific fact. No pressure, no diamond. No fire, no s’mores. Why do life’s hard parts surprise us? We can look around see examples all around us that the good stuff never comes easy. The best night’s sleep comes after the hardest day’s work. We all want our lives to be awesome but then we yell at they sky when our comfortable little existence is disturbed. I, for one, am grateful that God ignores my whiny, short-sided complaints in order to grant the desires of my heart. Some of the best, most rewarding things that ever happened to me were born from struggle and pain and circumstances I never would have chosen for myself. When you’re in the middle of one of life’s downpours, it can be hard to believe a bouquet of something great is right around the corner. Maybe that’s trite, too. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true. It's definitely something we …
Are You Leading the League?
With the Major League Baseball season heading into the All-Star break, a quick glance at the statistical leaders reveals that I am not leading the National League (or the American League, for that matter) in home runs. Truthfully, I’m not even close. Of course, there is one important detail that probably matters somewhat: I don’t actually play professional baseball. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s pretty ridiculous to beat myself up for not leading the league in home runs if I’m not a professional baseball player. And yet we regularly feel bad about ourselves for being lousy at games we’re not even playing. Weird. Just because we don’t think of them as "games" in the same way we think of baseball as a game, doesn't mean we haven't devised ways to keep score at the activities in which we participate. Rather than tracking home runs, we measure things like money, body weight, square footage, degrees, status, accolades, connections, sales, prestige, and fame. For instance, …
You Learned This in School, But it Won’t Help You Now
Recently, I was conducting a day-long workshop in Vancouver for a group of business owners. I was encouraging them to get intentional about what they wanted out of life. I’m surprised at how often this step gets neglected. It’s important, because until we are clear on what we’re aiming for, we’ll end up aimlessly drifting along with the current, mindlessly following rules that don’t exist, while wasting time and energy making choices that don’t serve us well. One attendee asked, “But what if we don’t know what we want?” I don’t remember what I said in the moment, but I have thought about that question ever since. I’m not sure that “not knowing what we want” is a thing. I think we’re just too afraid of picking “wrong.” Most of us come from a school system in which we are taught that there are right answers and wrong ones. Everything we do is verified and validated by someone else. Of course, math and spelling and historical dates are binary: Right or wrong. But in school, …
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The Best Policy is the One You Make Up After You Read This
If you’ve been following along for a while here, you know that I am a big proponent of breaking rules (particularly the ones that don’t exist.) What might surprise you is that I am equally cool with creating them, too, as long as you’re clear on the reason. I want to share with you one of the most liberating concepts I’ve come across, and believe it or not, it involves making and abiding by strict rules. It’s the idea of creating personal policies. You're well aware of how big companies devise all kinds of policies to protect their interests. You’ve heard it dozens of times: “I’m sorry ma’am, that’s not our policy,” or “Sorry sir, our policy clearly states...” As frustrating and ridiculous as some of these policies can be, you know that there’s not much you can do about them. They’re usually written by lawyers and backed up by loads of bureaucracy. If you’ve ever arrived at your departure gate at the airport fifteen seconds after they’ve closed the door, you know their …
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