Rules That Don’t Exist

We are constantly bombarded with rules that don't exist. This collection of “rules” comes from everywhere: parents, grandparents, politicians, first grade teachers, old dead white guys, and young celebrity trendsetters. We follow them (often subconsciously) for reasons that range from irrelevant to superstitious to downright stupid. Sadly, they often limit us from living better stories. Below are some we've identified so far. Did we miss one?

The Best Policy is the One You Make Up After You Read This

- - - | written by Jason on 6/17/2018 | - - -

If you’ve been following along for a while here, you know that I am a big proponent of breaking rules (particularly the ones that don’t exist.) What might surprise you is that I am equally cool with creating them, too, as long as you’re clear on the reason. I want to share with you one of the most liberating concepts I’ve come across, and believe it or not, it involves making and abiding by strict rules. It’s the idea of creating personal policies. You're well aware of how big companies devise all kinds of policies to protect their interests. You’ve heard it dozens of times: “I’m sorry ma’am, that’s not our policy,” or “Sorry sir, our policy clearly states...” As frustrating and ridiculous as some of these policies can be, you know that there’s not much you can do about them. They’re usually written by lawyers and backed up by loads of bureaucracy. If you’ve ever arrived at your departure gate at the airport fifteen seconds after they’ve closed the door, you know their …

Something New to Try in the Bedroom

- - - | written by Jason on 4/22/2018 | - - -

"Fork & Spoon" by Jason Kotecki. Prints available here. I’ve been married for almost 18 years. Every single night that I’m at home, I sleep on the right side of the bed. Why? How did that come about? I don’t ever remember having a discussion about it with Kim, and yet, here we are; our assigned spots have not changed since the day we got hitched. Weird. Why do we do any of the things we do? The little habits that make up our days, where did they come from? Which way do you take to work? How do you typically run your meetings? On-board new employees? Welcome new customers? Deal with angry ones? What's the first thing you do when you get out of bed in the morning? How do you acknowledge the birthdays of the special people in your life? What kind of cookies do you make for Christmas? We have too many things to think about and process in a given day, so we help ourselves out by putting a lot of the routine stuff on autopilot. The problem is that we rarely re-evaluate …

Lessons in Adultitis Fighting from the Revolutionary War

- - - | written by Jason on 3/4/2018 | - - -

"War Games" by Jason Kotecki. Digital. Prints and canvas reproductions available here. I was thinking about the American Revolutionary War the other day (because I like keeping up on current events), and a few things struck me. I imagine it would have been easy for the American colonists to look at all the advantages held by the British and wallow in the land of “Must Be Nice”... They have the most powerful navy in the whole world...must be nice. They have way more professionally trained soldiers than we do...must be nice. They have a ton of money to buy food, supplies, and mercenaries for hire...must be nice. They have sweet red road uniforms...must be nice. It’s easy to lament the advantages other people enjoy and languish in envy and disappointment. This only serves to assure defeat. The truth is, everyone has a must be nice (probably several), and we are better served spending our time figuring out what they are and using them to our full advantage. …

Whoop There He Is

- - - | written by a Guest Star on 12/3/2017 | - - -

[ This is a guest post about some rules that don't exist from our good friend and professional speaker, Laurie Guest. ] Kim and Jason have coined a phrase that speaks directly to my heart. The phrase is #notarule, and it challenges adults to look for ways to fight Adultitis, a disease that causes stress and decreases fun. Jason wrote a book called Penguins Can’t Fly +39 Other Rules That Don’t Exist. He invited others to submit suggestions for #notarule, and I had been on the lookout for a good example. I wanted to be included in the book, but unfortunately, I never found a worthy submission and lost my chance. So imagine my surprise last month when a most unique #notarule presented itself to me. While waiting to meet a friend for lunch, I was sitting in my car with the windows rolled down, the sun shining on my face, and a cool breeze flowing through the vehicle. A light gray Ford pulled up next to me facing in the opposite direction so our driver sides were next to each …

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Too Old? Think Again.

- - - | written by Jason on 8/27/2017 | - - -

Keith Davison lost his wife Evy to cancer after a marriage of 66 years. He admitted that he cried a lot. And the peace and quiet eventually became too overbearing. So get this: The 94-year-old installed an in-ground pool in his backyard. With a diving board. And invited the neighborhood kids to jump in. Now his home is bustling with activity as his newly adopted “grandkids” bring life and laughter into it. He admits it didn’t make economic sense to install the pool. But who can put a price tag on joy? Ninety-four-year-olds shalt not install a pool in thy backyard. #notarule If you’re reading this, I don’t care if you are 24 or 44 or 74, you may consider yourself to be too old to enjoy, do, or attempt certain things. At least that’s what Adultitis wants you to believe. I love stories like this, because they call out Adultitis’ lies, its ridiculous rules that don’t exist, and remind me of what’s possible. The truth is, you’re never too old to play with Lego bricks, learn how …

Thou Shalt Conceal Thy Wrinkles

- - - | written by Jason on 8/20/2017 | - - -

This one’s for the ladies. Full disclosure: At last check, I am not a woman. So I cannot claim to be an expert in the things women go through. But one thing I am sympathetic to is all of the messages bombarding you about your appearance. I mean guys have the pressure to maintain six-pack abs (I’m one sixth of the way there!), but it’s nothing compared to the onslaught you face on a daily basis. Let’s take wrinkles, which are supposedly The Devil. Apparently they are something to be avoided at all costs. My wife has told me horror stories of going to parties at friends’ homes in which she was fearfully warned about such evils as forehead rows, crow’s feet and turkey necks. Honestly, I’m not sure how they get away with calling these get-togethers “parties.” Naturally, some sort of high-priced miracle balm is revealed that claims to have the power to prevent wrinkles, slow down the aging process, and stop global warming all in one fell swoop. Now I don’t doubt the ability …

Calling All Creative Warriors!

- - - | written by Jason on 8/9/2017 | - - -

I recently had the great pleasure of being featured on Jeffrey Shaw's Creative Warriors podcast. It was one of the best interviews I've been a part of, mainly because Jeffrey was so well-prepared. Since he'd read my book, Penguins Can't Fly +39 Other Rules That Don't Exist, he came armed with some great questions and we were able to go much deeper, more quickly than usual. I think you'll find it to be a worthwhile listen. Among other things, we discussed... Where the rules that don't exist come from, The danger in being realistic, Why you might not want to wear clean underpants, Where we got this idea that you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, Whether or not you should make your bed, The big difference between kids and adults when it comes to water, And why being careful is the most risky thing you can do. Listen here! …

5 Rules You Should Totally Break This Week

- - - | written by Jason on 5/7/2017 | - - -

It's been almost two years since Penguins Can't Fly was published. It features forty of the most common rules that don't exist, but with each passing day, I am even more convinced that there are more like forty million, keeping us enslaved to Adultitis without us even noticing. A few weeks ago, I asked Escape Adulthood Insiders to share some of the so-called rules they most love breaking. I got so many good ones! This week, I wanted to play mild-mannered reporter and pass along a few of my favorites, because I they are great reminders for everyone. Thou shalt only observe morning once a day. (Melissa LeFever) "Why can't we start the day over whenever we need? Sometimes we need a couple chances in a day to get it right. I learned to break this rule when I had my worst parenting day ever. I told my daughter that the day started over after nap because we both needed a new start. It worked. We started with a fresh plate and fresh attitude. Sometimes we need discipline and …

6 Rules That Don’t Exist That Will Surprise Most Parents

- - - | written by Jason on 1/14/2016 | - - -

We are inundated with rules that don’t exist. Not speed limits and tax laws, but the seemingly invisible norms, assumptions, and superstitions that we follow (often subconsciously) and which drive our lives. The more I write and talk about them, the more I uncover. And there is no shortage in the realm of education. My wife Kim and I homeschool. In the grand scheme of things, we’re in the shallow end of the pool; the oldest of our three children is only seven. But these past several years may have been the most important of all, because we’ve had to un-learn pretty much everything we knew about education. It was especially challenging for Kim, who is a former kindergarten teacher. After a five year career, it’s taken at least that long to slowly purge all of the things she kept from her classroom because, frankly, we don’t need them. We have a really good foundation beneath us, because we’ve taken the time to identify, and consequently ignore, several rules that don’t exist. Here …

The Danger of Eating Dessert First

- - - | written by Jason on 11/8/2015 | - - -

A few weeks ago, I was on a Navy base in Florida, delivering my first program for a military audience. The meeting planner was very hesitant about me encouraging them to break rules, especially since they had just spent several (long, boring, excruciating) days being briefed on new procedures, policies, and regulations. I still told them to break rules. Of course, I am not calling for anarchy here. I understand the need for rules, especially in the military, where if you break a rule, someone could die. The problem is that too often, we assign the same gravity to all the rules in our life, even though most of them don’t exist and the penalty for breaking them is non-existent. Although it may feel like it, asking your boss for a raise — or that friendly person in line ahead of you at Starbucks for a date — is not a life-or-death proposition. Who cares if they say no? You are already NOT making more money or having dinner with that person, so in effect, nothing’s …

Rules That Don't Exist