We’ve gotten lots and lots of parenting advice over the past year. A majority of it has been unsolicited, but for the most part, it has all been very well intentioned.
By far the most common bit of advice has been something along these lines: Cherish every moment; it all goes so fast.
Honestly, I pretty much discarded this one as obvious and irrelevant to me. I mean after all, I’m a motivational speaker for crying out loud; it’s the same sort of advice I’ve dished out for years. I concluded that the givers of this advice all meant well, but clearly didn’t know how I roll.
Well, just the other day, after completing the major work-related items on my to-do list for the day, I decided to relieve Kim and assume the Lucy-related caregiving duties so she could rest. Lucy and I nestled into our glider, where she promptly ate several ounces and drifted off to sleep. I sat there for a few moments, soaking in the silence. I could barely believe my good fortune that she had fallen asleep so quickly. I could now check even more things off my to-do list! Just as I was about to set her down on the couch to continue her slumber, it hit me:
Oh my gosh. I’m doing it. I’m missing some of the best moments.
Like being hit by a ton of bricks, I was reminded that there will always be e-mail to be checked and tasks to be done, but the opportunities to hold this sleeping little angel grow fewer each day.
We all have work to be done and responsibilities that need to be taken care of, but like I said, I had already accomplished the main goals for the day. I discovered that it is a slippery slope which leads from responsible productivity to the trap of getting sucked into a never-ending quest to GET STUFF DONE.
Adultitis is a sinister foe, and no one is immune. Our fast-paced culture has tricked us into believing that we should always be busy, always be “doing” something. We confuse the urgent with the important. We unwittingly turn irrelevant tasks into priorities simply because they can be checked off some list. Because we somehow feel guilty and unproductive if we spend too much time doing…nothing.
And therein lies the rub, my friend. Doing nothing isn’t really doing nothing. Holding my baby girl while she sleeps and soaking in a quiet moment might not be decreasing the messages in my inbox any. But it’s certainly not “nothing.”
Quite the contrary. Taking the time to do nothing once in a while — especially with the people we love — is often the single most important thing we can do in an entire day.
I know that years from now, when I am giving Lucy away on her wedding day, I will not remember any of the “productive” things I did this week. But the images of her button nose, bald head, pursed lips and peaceful slumber will remain with me forever.
My goal is that on that day, which I know will be here before I know it, I won’t waste any time wishing that I would have spent more time doing nothing.
Your baby girl looks so beautiful. Oh, it almost hurts to see just the picture of her in sleep!
Great article. But remember, she will be “on her own” before she gets married. And she is not a kitten — you don’t “give her away”.
True, true. The loved soaked gazing really sticks with you – get as much as you can while she’s relatively still!
Beautifully put, my friend. I’m a Mom of a 5 & 9 year old and sometimes I would give anything to go back and hold them as babies…well, I guess as 1,2,3,4 etc. I miss all the stages they went through, it is all pure magic. God Bless! Lisa
I mean this in the most respectful way “I told ya so…” and unfortunately, it will “dawn” on you many more times during her life. Enjoy your gift…
Keep enjoying the moments. And remember to take pictures too (with the first that’s usually not a problem!). My sons are grown now and I treasure the pictures that remind me of the wonders they were “way back then” too. It’s all too easy to forget as the years go by.
Such great advice you’ve given to yourself. Truly, someday you’ll be wondering how that little bundle grew into an adult so quickly. I made a stitchery when my first was born and I’ve always remembered the words: “Cooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”
I now appreciate that this particular advice can’t be given too often. The reminder is always helpful :)
Just stumbled upon this website (via Creativity Portal) last night.
Jason, she’s a cutie! You better get out the shotgun! :-)
I’m the dad of a 20-month old son and I can go right there with you. It seemed like yesterday when he was born and now he’s walking (actually running) and talking. I take plenty of pictures, give plenty of kisses, and still will rock him to sleep.
I too at times wish he’d “grow up” – especially when I have to get things done, but thanks to you I realize that I’d be missing out on the best parts of his life. Thank you for showing how to slow down and enjoy the parenting ride. Keep up the good work.
Woo hoo! I’m happy that you stumbled in our direction. Great to have you around and thanks for leaving such a nice comment. Lucy just turned one year old two days ago. I can’t believe it has gone so quickly! I’m planning on entering Lucy into some sort of convent when she turns 13. If that fails, the shotgun approach it is.
So what do I have to look forward to with a 20-month old?
Take care and keep in touch.