Escape Adulthood

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Parenthood

Mom Gives Adult Children Unusual Christmas Gifts

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I met a fifty-something-year-old guy after my presentation at a conference in Minnesota earlier this year. He told me, "My mom believed that her kids should always get a toy from her for Christmas, no matter how..." I expected him to finish the sentence with, “...no matter how poor we were.” But he surprised me instead with, “...no matter how old we are.” To this day, along with other gifts, she still gets each of her adult children a toy for Christmas. I wish she would have been there, for I would have liked to give her a hug. It takes a wise woman to know that no matter how old a person gets, they carry all the ages they’ve ever been with them. The wide-eyed, fun-loving child inside lives forever. Although that childlike spirit can be neglected throughout the year, Christmas is the perfect time to reconnect with the hope, wonder, and joy we were filled with as children. I asked the gentleman what his mother got him last year. "A Lego set,” he …

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Why We Went to Chicago to Party with 5 Million Friends

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It was Kim’s fault. Thank God for Kim. The Cubs, after 108 years, had finally won the World Series, and they won it in spectacular fashion. (I can't believe I just wrote that!) THE CUBS HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES. For reals. I am still filled with joy and brimming with happiness. But the thought of driving to Chicago for the victory parade never crossed my mind. Kim floated the idea after reminding me that I had a speaking engagement in Chicago a few days later. "Why not go down earlier and make it a long weekend?” she teased. Thoughts of snarling traffic and being trampled to death by a raucous mob sprung forth. "Are you serious? That's insane!” I replied. When she got online to look for hotel rooms, I knew she was both. She found an unbelievable deal on a hotel room steps away from Grant Park, where the rally was to be held. The confident sparkle in her eye and the call for adventure was too strong. We packed up the kids and drove to Chicago a few hours …

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Do You Care What Your Batting Average Is?

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Whether it’s batting average, marathon time, or annual income, we humans love using numbers to measure our success. But what if we're focused on the wrong numbers? Here’s a list I made recently, charting my progress so far in 2016: • Meals shared with family: 280 • Lego pieces sorted: 1,376 • Daddy Daughter business trips taken: 2 • Strawberries picked: 173 • Tinker Crates assembled: 3 (with 3 boxes unopened) • Piggyback rides given: 37 • Bedtime tuck-ins: 134 • Bedtime stories read: 9 (Needs work!) • Holes of mini golf played: 18 • Little House on the Prairie episodes watched: 13 • Drive-in movies attended: 1 • Boo boos kissed: 17 • Water balloons tossed: 0 (Inexcusable!) Honestly, this is the first time I’m tabulating some of these numbers. I'd like a few to be higher, but I can't do that unless I identify what to measure in the first place. Yes, miles ran, dollars earned, sales closed, and overtime hours logged have value too. Just remember that you get …

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Wonder Aimlessly

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Summer ain’t what it used to be. At the risk of sounding like a crotchety old man a few decades early, the summers of my youth were not packed wall-to-wall with extracurricular affairs. Yes, there was Little League, but the days were long enough to accommodate no small number of other “aimless” pursuits. Playing home run derby in the tennis court with my friends. Exploring the ravine near my house as a pint-sized Indiana Jones. Sorting and displaying my baseball cards, and then drawing my own. It was the opportunity to freely explore the things that fascinated me, without the prospect of a bell ringing in my ear telling me when to stop. I could follow my own curiosity, tugging on the proverbial thread that leads from one thing to another and then another, in a way that strict 50-minute periods don’t look kindly upon. This ability to “wonder aimlessly” is a valuable thing. It is the heart and soul of tinkering and the key to a happy, fulfilling life. It’s also something we …

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Leftover Scraps Aren’t Good Enough

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I recently read an article about a celebrity chef. In it, he talked about his nightly ritual with his wife: “At around 11:30 or 12:00, we talk. Not just, 'How are you?’ I like to have a soulful conversation with her, a meaningful conversation. And then after that, I fall asleep within two seconds. I am just beat. I am beat." I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Are you freaking kidding me? A soulful conversation? At midnight?! In which you are so "alert" that you fall asleep within two seconds of having it? Granted, I am not in the room with them, but I'd love to ask the wife just how meaningful these late-night conversations are for her. Look, everyone says they have their priorities in order. "Family first!" is the familiar cry. But Adultitis is eternally tempting us to let our focus slide to other things. Our pride and ambitions can drive us to chase wealth, status, and adulation, often at the expense of the people we care about the most, while we expertly rationalize …

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Nothing Else You Do for a Child Can Ever Top This

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If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose? Seriously. Think about it. Chances are, you’d select someone famous, like a celebrity or an important historical figure who changed the world. A bunch of parents were asked that question, and responses included the likes of Justin Bieber, Marilyn Monroe, and Nelson Mandela. Then they were shown videos of their children answering the very same question. Their responses surprised everyone. The video reminds me that there is nothing more important you can do for the health and happiness of your family than having dinner together regularly. But it also leads to an even more important point. Parents have always wanted to give their kids a better life than the one they had. These days we drive ourselves to the brink of insanity shuttling them back and forth to music lessons and soccer practice, we rent bouncy houses and hire magicians to ensure an epic birthday party, and we work overtime to make …

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6 Rules That Don’t Exist That Will Surprise Most Parents

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We are inundated with rules that don’t exist. Not speed limits and tax laws, but the seemingly invisible norms, assumptions, and superstitions that we follow (often subconsciously) and which drive our lives. The more I write and talk about them, the more I uncover. And there is no shortage in the realm of education. My wife Kim and I homeschool. In the grand scheme of things, we’re in the shallow end of the pool; the oldest of our three children is only seven. But these past several years may have been the most important of all, because we’ve had to un-learn pretty much everything we knew about education. It was especially challenging for Kim, who is a former kindergarten teacher. After a five year career, it’s taken at least that long to slowly purge all of the things she kept from her classroom because, frankly, we don’t need them. We have a really good foundation beneath us, because we’ve taken the time to identify, and consequently ignore, several rules that don’t exist. Here …

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That Time I Slimed Adultitis

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Yesterday morning, despite the fact that I had a full to-do list after having been out of the office for the first three days of the week, I decided to make slime with the kids. Yep, slime. They had been watching episodes of DIY Dad on YouTube, and the one on slime seemed especially fun, and not particularly hard. Out of the blue, I alerted my pajama-clad son that we were going on a secret mission: to get the supplies we needed to make slime! He jumped off the couch and scurried into his car seat — still in his pajamas — and off we went to the grocery store. We picked up two bottles of Elmer’s glue, Borax, and some donuts for good measure. When we got home, my oldest was up, and after our sprinkle-covered sweet treats, we went about making some slime. It was a blast. I do not submit this story in order to enter myself as candidate for Dad of the Year. I share it as an example of how difficult it is to do things like this. I make a living encouraging people to toss aside …

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What I Learned From Driving 2,300 Miles with My Kids

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I was sitting on the beach reading, and I looked up from my book to a most wonderful sight. It was of my daughter Lucy, clutching a boogie board, being escorted to the shore by a strong wave of saltwater. The entire ride lasted barely five yards, but the transformation in her was light years from a few hours earlier. The initial introduction to this unfamiliar ocean vessel was marked with trepidation and more than a few tears. Her triumphant, tooth-deprived grin was one of my favorite moments from our recent 11-day, 7-state, 2,300 mile road trip with three kids under seven. (The second epic leg of the #Notarule Tour is coming in September.) Another special moment was seeing the pride and joy in Ben’s blue eyes as he began to master his "muscles," the green camouflaged floatation vest that enabled him to independently venture beyond the pool's steps. Like Lucy, he wasn't sure about this new thing, but once he got the hang of it, there was no stopping him. For both of them, …

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The Complete Guide to Raising Your Kids to Be Rulebreakers without Ruining Their Lives (or Yours)

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Kim and I are well-known for encouraging people to be more childlike and act more like kids. A few brave souls have asked (although I suspect there are countless others who have wondered): How does this philosophy impact our role as parents? In other words, how does a parent walk the line between teaching kids to break rules that don’t exist, without descending into total anarchy? Great question. While it’s true that our kids regularly say “#Notarule” in its proper context during normal conversations, any speculation that our kids are living in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory is grossly over exaggerated. Here are some thoughts on the matter. Your mileage may vary, but I believe there are some useful nuggets here, wether you're a parent or not. A Parent’s First Job is Parenting. First and foremost, we are our kids' parents, not their friends or playmates or butlers. No one else has this job, so if we don't do it, our kids will be screwed, destined to live life as soft, …

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