Parenthood

- - - | written by Jason on 5/21/2017 | - - -

What I Learned From Charles Ingalls (This Week)

Our family loves watching Little House on the Prairie. As a homeschoolers, it has been a great way to discuss some pretty big topics with our kids, like alcoholism, racism, bullying, and more. (Confession: I want to be Charles Ingalls when I grow up!) We just finished season four. In the final two episodes (which TV Guide put on its 100 Greatest Episodes of All Time list), the big railroad companies were flexing their muscle to gain more power, engaging in questionable tactics that were putting farmers in rural areas out of business. Walnut Grove, the town where the Ingalls family lived, was rapidly dying. It was a big deal. Livelihoods were drying up, businesses were closing, and desperate people had to abandon their homes in search of new opportunities. But Landon’s character, Charles — a farmer with a lot to lose — couldn't have cared less. He'd just found out his oldest daughter was going blind. Weeks earlier, the economic catastrophe would have rocked his world. But as …

- - - | written by Jason on 4/9/2017 | - - -

A Tale of Two Blue Shoes

At three years old going on twenty-two with pink hair and arms wrapped in tattoos, my daughter Virginia keeps us on our toes. A few weeks ago, she decided she wanted to wear two different shoes. To church. To her credit, they were both blue. The logic was sound. She dug one shoe out of the closet, but failed to find the match, so she grabbed another nearby shoe and put that on. Problem solved. Kim and I appraised the situation and looked at each other. Ginny appeared determined. A fight to conform to a more standard footwear choice would likely ensue. Not that we're pushovers, but we both paused to consider whether this was a fight worth picking. Then it occurred to me that literally the ONLY reason we'd push the envelope is because of concern about what other people would think of our parenting. After all, what kind of incompetence is required to allow your child to show up in church wearing two different shoes? Are we clueless? Careless? Mentally ill? Lacking …

- - - | written by Jason on 2/19/2017 | - - -

Saying Yes to Piggy Back Rides

One of Adultitis’ best tricks — and the one that trips me up the most — is getting us to believe that the most important things in life are merely distractions. My youngest daughter routinely asks me for piggy back rides. Most of the time I say yes. But sometimes I'm tired, or want to keep reading the book I just opened five seconds ago. And sometimes I’m too focused on the latest pet project that I'm convinced will deliver a windfall of profit and impact. The justification for brushing off this minor “distraction” of my daughter pestering me for a piggy back ride is that, in the end, this effort will bear fruit that will benefit us all. If I’m not careful, this so-called “drive” rockets me right by the stuff that really matters. Don’t get me wrong. Piggy back rides don’t pay the bills. Little worthwhile is accomplished without focus, hard work, and sacrifice. The challenge is how easy it is for this to become our default mode. Like a Ferrari flying down the highway, all …

- - - | written by Kim on 1/18/2017 | - - -

When Was Your Last Unscripted Adventure?

Nature and kids. It’s a magical combination. I treasure memories from my own childhood, ones like rolling down that huge hill at Allen Park next to the Illinois River, and climbing the tree in my front yard on Shady Lane, with grandiose plans to spend the whole afternoon there. These memories get richer with the years, don’t they? One of my deepest longings as a parent is to provide these magical moments for our kids. I’m finding that with all things in life, when I give, I end up receiving way more than I ever imagined possible. This little story illustrates the gift my kids gave me, when I gave them an hour on the lake. We are blessed to live a half mile from Lake Mendota, Madison’s largest lake. It’s a magical land of ice and snow right now. The kids are enthralled by this paradise (and so am I). We had my nephew over for a sleepover recently so we were all proud to show him our lake. I was radically moved by our unscripted adventure. Did you know if you scream …

- - - | written by Jason on 12/11/2016 | - - -

Mom Gives Adult Children Unusual Christmas Gifts

I met a fifty-something-year-old guy after my presentation at a conference in Minnesota earlier this year. He told me, "My mom believed that her kids should always get a toy from her for Christmas, no matter how..." I expected him to finish the sentence with, “...no matter how poor we were.” But he surprised me instead with, “...no matter how old we are.” To this day, along with other gifts, she still gets each of her adult children a toy for Christmas. I wish she would have been there, for I would have liked to give her a hug. It takes a wise woman to know that no matter how old a person gets, they carry all the ages they’ve ever been with them. The wide-eyed, fun-loving child inside lives forever. Although that childlike spirit can be neglected throughout the year, Christmas is the perfect time to reconnect with the hope, wonder, and joy we were filled with as children. I asked the gentleman what his mother got him last year. "A Lego set,” he …

- - - | written by Jason on 11/8/2016 | - - -

Why We Went to Chicago to Party with 5 Million Friends

It was Kim’s fault. Thank God for Kim. The Cubs, after 108 years, had finally won the World Series, and they won it in spectacular fashion. (I can't believe I just wrote that!) THE CUBS HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES. For reals. I am still filled with joy and brimming with happiness. But the thought of driving to Chicago for the victory parade never crossed my mind. Kim floated the idea after reminding me that I had a speaking engagement in Chicago a few days later. "Why not go down earlier and make it a long weekend?” she teased. Thoughts of snarling traffic and being trampled to death by a raucous mob sprung forth. "Are you serious? That's insane!” I replied. When she got online to look for hotel rooms, I knew she was both. She found an unbelievable deal on a hotel room steps away from Grant Park, where the rally was to be held. The confident sparkle in her eye and the call for adventure was too strong. We packed up the kids and drove to Chicago a few hours …

- - - | written by Jason on 7/17/2016 | - - -

Do You Care What Your Batting Average Is?

Whether it’s batting average, marathon time, or annual income, we humans love using numbers to measure our success. But what if we're focused on the wrong numbers? Here’s a list I made recently, charting my progress so far in 2016: • Meals shared with family: 280 • Lego pieces sorted: 1,376 • Daddy Daughter business trips taken: 2 • Strawberries picked: 173 • Tinker Crates assembled: 3 (with 3 boxes unopened) • Piggyback rides given: 37 • Bedtime tuck-ins: 134 • Bedtime stories read: 9 (Needs work!) • Holes of mini golf played: 18 • Little House on the Prairie episodes watched: 13 • Drive-in movies attended: 1 • Boo boos kissed: 17 • Water balloons tossed: 0 (Inexcusable!) Honestly, this is the first time I’m tabulating some of these numbers. I'd like a few to be higher, but I can't do that unless I identify what to measure in the first place. Yes, miles ran, dollars earned, sales closed, and overtime hours logged have value too. Just remember that you get …

- - - | written by Jason on 6/19/2016 | - - -

Wonder Aimlessly

Summer ain’t what it used to be. At the risk of sounding like a crotchety old man a few decades early, the summers of my youth were not packed wall-to-wall with extracurricular affairs. Yes, there was Little League, but the days were long enough to accommodate no small number of other “aimless” pursuits. Playing home run derby in the tennis court with my friends. Exploring the ravine near my house as a pint-sized Indiana Jones. Sorting and displaying my baseball cards, and then drawing my own. It was the opportunity to freely explore the things that fascinated me, without the prospect of a bell ringing in my ear telling me when to stop. I could follow my own curiosity, tugging on the proverbial thread that leads from one thing to another and then another, in a way that strict 50-minute periods don’t look kindly upon. This ability to “wonder aimlessly” is a valuable thing. It is the heart and soul of tinkering and the key to a happy, fulfilling life. It’s also something we …

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- - - | written by Jason on 6/5/2016 | - - -

Leftover Scraps Aren’t Good Enough

I recently read an article about a celebrity chef. In it, he talked about his nightly ritual with his wife: “At around 11:30 or 12:00, we talk. Not just, 'How are you?’ I like to have a soulful conversation with her, a meaningful conversation. And then after that, I fall asleep within two seconds. I am just beat. I am beat." I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Are you freaking kidding me? A soulful conversation? At midnight?! In which you are so "alert" that you fall asleep within two seconds of having it? Granted, I am not in the room with them, but I'd love to ask the wife just how meaningful these late-night conversations are for her. Look, everyone says they have their priorities in order. "Family first!" is the familiar cry. But Adultitis is eternally tempting us to let our focus slide to other things. Our pride and ambitions can drive us to chase wealth, status, and adulation, often at the expense of the people we care about the most, while we expertly rationalize …

- - - | written by Jason on 5/29/2016 | - - -

Nothing Else You Do for a Child Can Ever Top This

If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose? Seriously. Think about it. Chances are, you’d select someone famous, like a celebrity or an important historical figure who changed the world. A bunch of parents were asked that question, and responses included the likes of Justin Bieber, Marilyn Monroe, and Nelson Mandela. Then they were shown videos of their children answering the very same question. Their responses surprised everyone. The video reminds me that there is nothing more important you can do for the health and happiness of your family than having dinner together regularly. But it also leads to an even more important point. Parents have always wanted to give their kids a better life than the one they had. These days we drive ourselves to the brink of insanity shuttling them back and forth to music lessons and soccer practice, we rent bouncy houses and hire magicians to ensure an epic birthday party, and we work overtime to make …

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