A few years ago, our basement sprung a leak. A small one, but enough to soak part of the carpet anytime a hard rain came. We bought a dehumidifier and tried to keep the gutters clear, but the battle raged on for several years. Meanwhile, little Adultitis-ridden fear gremlins took up residence in my head. What if mold was growing behind the paneling? What if it caused my kids to get sick? What if the repair to fix it was $25,000? What if it kept us from ever selling this house? Every time it rained, the pit in my stomach reappeared. And then this year, something remarkable happened. With …
You & Improved
The Adultitis Election
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: “I don’t usually post anything political, but I just had to..." I don’t know about you, but this year’s campaign is really bumming me out. Recent issues of the Escape Adulthood Insider have featured comic strips exploring a presidential election from the viewpoint of kids. I originally created this one during the 2004 election season. And here I thought those days were divisive! Ironically, my frustration doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the candidates. I'm more disappointed in the rest of us, who complain about the negative tone …
How to Be (More) Creative
If you already consider yourself to be creative, good. If you don’t, you’re wrong. Now, you may not be able to draw a straight line or paint a recognizable portrait of your neighbor, but those are skills, not creativity. Have you ever figured out how to get out of something you didn’t want to do? Have you ever tried to convince a parent to change his or her mind about something? Have you ever built or fixed something using a make-shift tool that wasn’t intended for the job you used it for? If you answered yes to any of those questions, I’ve got news for you: You were being …
Having Fun Takes Courage
When you’re an adult, it takes courage to have fun in front of others. It might seem ridiculous to suggest that having fun takes courage. Not at Disney World, perhaps. But having fun in scenarios that invite people to question your maturity, intelligence and sophistication? That takes guts. Kids are always on the lookout for fun, but adults operate as if you can have fun in certain environments. Hogwash. A few weeks ago, I delivered the eulogy at the funeral of Kim’s grandmother. Location numero uno on the “Thou Shalt Not Have Fun Here” list, right? But my speech had lots of little …
More Fun Please
I went to the dentist the other day to get my teeth cleaned. At the end, as the hygienist prepared to polish my teeth, she asked, "Mint?" "Actually," I said, "Do you have bubble gum?" "Yes!" She exclaimed. "We have cherry and raspberry, too." Judging by her reaction, my request was on the rare side, but she was happy to accommodate me. I have nothing against mint, but when did it become the official dental polish flavor of adulthood? At what age is bubble gum no longer an "appropriate" choice? (If I'm being honest, grape would be my first and last choice all day long.) Yet …
The Ultimate Comeback for Haters, Compliments of My Grandma
My grandmother made German cookies called lebkuchen, referred to her couch as a davenport, and hated when her grandkids wore their hats backwards. “Makes you look like hooligans,” she’d say. She was also famous for saying, "Raspberries to ya!” I’m pretty sure this witty comeback was a polite (yet colorful) alternative to saying “screw you." So that’s where this art came from, painted on the top of a grocery store flyer. At first glance, it appears to be a negative departure from my more optimistic work. But it’s only really negative in a certain context. There comes a point in our …
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For Those Who’ve Ever Complained That This Is Taking Too Long
One time Kim and I spent a couple hundred dollars on a two-day craft show. That was a big chunk of change for us at the time -- about two months worth of groceries. We were next to a booth where a guy was selling knockoff Garfield tchotchkes. Meanwhile, we moved a grand total of $7.92 worth of greeting cards. It was rough. Then we drowned our sorrows in sirlon steaks at Outback, which made our negative profit margin even worse. I have a lot of stories like that from the early days. Happy times. Sometimes I feel like this hippo. Barely off the ground, just trying to get some lift, with …
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Anyone Else Feel Like An Eight-Year-Old in An Adult Costume?
"I believe that everyone else my age is an adult whereas I am merely in disguise.” —Margaret Atwood I am forty years old but I still feel like I’m eight, trying to figure out why adults act so weird. They appear to have it all together, but don’t seem very happy at all. I think I know the secret, but wonder if I’m the fool. If you can relate to any of that, hear this: you are not alone. If you think life is too short to be so serious all the time, you are not alone. If you believe that experiences are more valuable than stuff, you are not alone. If you suspect there is more to …
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How To Live a Comfortable Life
Pick one or more of the following: 10) Spend more time watching people on TV having adventures than you do experiencing your own. 9) Never travel anywhere new, especially outside your comfort zone. 8) Set up your life so that Friday is the day you’re most thankful for. 7) Accumulate so much stuff that you have to buy more space to store it. 6) Always order the same thing when you go out to eat. 5) Spend more money on things than experiences. 4) Surround yourself with people just like you. 3) Be more of a consumer than a creator. 2) Wait for permission. 1) Always …
Your Life: Roller Coaster or Runaway Train?
I think it’s safe to assume that physically, the first drop on a roller coaster feels a lot like riding a runaway train hurtling off a cliff. (Admittedly, I’ve never actually experienced the latter.) Even though our brains know the ultimate outcome of each, both experiences will cause us to scream like that thief in Home Alone who got the tarantula placed on his face. I’m an eternal optimist (I am a Cubs fan, after all) but also a bit of a worrier. When an unexpected expense comes up, or the bank account looks smaller than it should, or an abnormality on a medical test pops up, I’m only a …
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